"OUT OF THE BLUE"
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "~The Awakening~ part 3"A book of short stories.
17 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Mel,
What a fascinating way of presenting a story! Refreshing, different.
I was quite enthralled by your character portrayal of Richard.
Well done, sir!
Sonali
needed to do was cut off (its) head - apostrophe not required
a sickness and (')tis true I appeared pa
ed my armour I recal(l) how easily my
"What questions(?)" I asked.
I didn't p(u)rsue the point
e! (Y)es that's it dowwwwnnn the gardrobe. HANG (')TIL DEAD! ~
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2014
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Hi Mel,
What a fascinating way of presenting a story! Refreshing, different.
I was quite enthralled by your character portrayal of Richard.
Well done, sir!
Sonali
needed to do was cut off (its) head - apostrophe not required
a sickness and (')tis true I appeared pa
ed my armour I recal(l) how easily my
"What questions(?)" I asked.
I didn't p(u)rsue the point
e! (Y)es that's it dowwwwnnn the gardrobe. HANG (')TIL DEAD! ~
Comment Written 04-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2014
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Thank you Sonali, hope you had a nice holiday/break.
I've seen to those details. You are most kind. I hope you got the gist of the story from part three. I have spent a fair bit of time on researching Richards character. History in my opinion has judged him harshly and I believe owes him an apology, partial at least.
It's nice to see you back on the scene. Kind regards :) mel.
Comment from Eric1
Hi write hand blue, this is another fascinating episode in this very graphical story, your words and description show great knowledge of that period, I am really enjoying the wonderful way that you have laid out this brilliant story, looking forward to the next episode my friend.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2014
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Hi write hand blue, this is another fascinating episode in this very graphical story, your words and description show great knowledge of that period, I am really enjoying the wonderful way that you have laid out this brilliant story, looking forward to the next episode my friend.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2014
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Hi Eric1, thank you and welcome back.
My favorite part comes next where Richard goes into action against Henry Tudor. Thank you again my friend. :) Mel.
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It was my pleasure Mel, wonderful story!
Comment from Drew Delaney
This is well written in my books. I am completely interested in this style of writing, and the theme.
I will put you on my fan list for I read some, but I fear I know not the beginning of your story. Thanks for sharing this.
Drew Delaney
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2014
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This is well written in my books. I am completely interested in this style of writing, and the theme.
I will put you on my fan list for I read some, but I fear I know not the beginning of your story. Thanks for sharing this.
Drew Delaney
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2014
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Hi Drew, thank you for your kind review.
I recommend that you visit my profile page, there you can click on all three parts. The story makes little sense if you haven't read part one. Thank you again. :) Mel.
Comment from Dean Kuch
"I can still remember how I listened to the birds call while sleep evaded me." -- been there, done that myself, a time or to!
"Then my bread I broke and I had my wine sops in solitude." --This line read a bit "clunky" to me, Mel, the way it's written... Perhaps, "I broke bread, then had my wine sops in solitude." Just a thought...
I liked the knights names; Sir John Buck, Sir Robert Brackenbury, Sir John Howard Duke of Norfolk, Thomas Howard Earl of Surrey and Henry Percy Earl of Northumberland . They sound very authentic...
"These were dear to my heart and I did linger to confirm the sighting of these weapons." -- As all good Kings and battle commanders must do, to ensure proper placement...
"I also remember that I did so enjoy the comfort of my new purple gloves. These were made of special chewed kid leather. I remember that I was to reward the maker at a later date." -- Wishful thinking, going into battle , don't you think? He was certainly confident, that's for sure! Hopefully, the "craftsman" gets his just rewards, should the King survive...
"Our cause is just, and, rightful before God." -- I think "righteous" would be a much better fit here. I could hear a King saying it...
"It was lateone afternoon as we both nursed our coffee, we were sat seated at the table in the storeroom,..." -- Drop "one" here, and change "sat" to "seated", Mel...
"I certainly don't trust thatShakesphere Shakespeare version of him..." -- "Shakespeare" is the correct spelling...
"I didn't push the point, she was after all my boss." -- I didn't pursue the point. She was my superior, after all. ---> For the medieval time period in which this story's primary settings take place, I felt the word "superior" might be a better fit, Mel. Just an observation...
"There's nothing wrong with this," he said, as he replaced the electrical plug." -- "There's" nothing wrong with this...
A I like the jumping around from the differing points of view and time periods. It's like taking a travel trough time without the pain so many speculate is involved. Like being reborn, many scientists have theorized.
Good story, as usual. I caught some SPAG, and made a few suggestions, nothing major.
Great work, Mel!
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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"I can still remember how I listened to the birds call while sleep evaded me." -- been there, done that myself, a time or to!
"Then my bread I broke and I had my wine sops in solitude." --This line read a bit "clunky" to me, Mel, the way it's written... Perhaps, "I broke bread, then had my wine sops in solitude." Just a thought...
I liked the knights names; Sir John Buck, Sir Robert Brackenbury, Sir John Howard Duke of Norfolk, Thomas Howard Earl of Surrey and Henry Percy Earl of Northumberland . They sound very authentic...
"These were dear to my heart and I did linger to confirm the sighting of these weapons." -- As all good Kings and battle commanders must do, to ensure proper placement...
"I also remember that I did so enjoy the comfort of my new purple gloves. These were made of special chewed kid leather. I remember that I was to reward the maker at a later date." -- Wishful thinking, going into battle , don't you think? He was certainly confident, that's for sure! Hopefully, the "craftsman" gets his just rewards, should the King survive...
"Our cause is just, and, rightful before God." -- I think "righteous" would be a much better fit here. I could hear a King saying it...
"It was late
"I certainly don't trust that
"I didn't push the point, she was after all my boss." -- I didn't pursue the point. She was my superior, after all. ---> For the medieval time period in which this story's primary settings take place, I felt the word "superior" might be a better fit, Mel. Just an observation...
"There's nothing wrong with this," he said, as he replaced the electrical plug." -- "There's" nothing wrong with this...
A I like the jumping around from the differing points of view and time periods. It's like taking a travel trough time without the pain so many speculate is involved. Like being reborn, many scientists have theorized.
Good story, as usual. I caught some SPAG, and made a few suggestions, nothing major.
Great work, Mel!
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Thank you so much Dean. I have seen to those suggestions and welcome all your hints. They are always most interesting and helpful. Your opinions I value greatly in the creative process of writing.
Your kindness and speed in reviewing my work is impressive. I'm pleased that 'Awakening' is only 7,500 words. I have a much longer historical fiction story that I think is better left on the shelf for now. Might write a poem about a dog. LOL.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is another good job of writing. I felt like I was present and observed everything that happened. I really like this story.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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This is another good job of writing. I felt like I was present and observed everything that happened. I really like this story.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Thank you Barbara, I'm so pleased that you have found an interest in my story.
It is my sincerest wish that you continue to enjoy. Regards :) Mel.
Comment from Michaelk
So is this Richard a fake? Why would she want to anger him like that? Was it to prove that he really was Richard? I've gotten so used to the recorded conversation that it wasn't until the end with his rant that made the plug jump out of the socket that it was brought back to me that they were talking to a ghost. That in itself should show you how involved I've become in this story. Excellent job. Once again engrossing.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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So is this Richard a fake? Why would she want to anger him like that? Was it to prove that he really was Richard? I've gotten so used to the recorded conversation that it wasn't until the end with his rant that made the plug jump out of the socket that it was brought back to me that they were talking to a ghost. That in itself should show you how involved I've become in this story. Excellent job. Once again engrossing.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Hi Michaelk, no don't you see? They know he is Richard. But is he really that murderous maniac depicted by history. That man with a vile temper? If so why may he have had a temper? It is all about what we can learn...I've gone past part three now.
I'm interested that you have been engrossed in my work. I know the feeling well, so much so, that my wife has started to call me your 'Majesty'... (smile).
If you have an untapped source of reviewers hidden away somewhere please release them. I won't tell.
My reviewers are rarer than woodworm on King Richards coffin, (he didn't have one) so I exaggerated a little...(a slight smile)
Anyway you have to have a little fun in life. And I have enjoyed the whole process of writing 'Awakening'. I thank you for your time and interest, and my friend, I hope you continue to enjoy. :) Mel.
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I guess that reading so much horror and mystery, I'm always looking for a conspiracy, even when there is none.
I'm glad that you enjoy my reviews. As for reviewers, You seem to be doing about as good as I do. Readers seem too have a bias about reading a book that isn't on chapter one or two. I think some even have a bias about books at all. They seem to favor short stories.
I too have fun with my writing, while still trying to keep my readers happy. It quite tightrope to walk. :)
Comment from padumachitta
Hi...a interesting view of this much misunderstood aman and king.
it gives another way of looking and will be interseting to see where it goes...
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Hi...a interesting view of this much misunderstood aman and king.
it gives another way of looking and will be interseting to see where it goes...
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Thank you padumachitta, yes I too am looking forward to what Richard has to say. Lol.
:) Mel.
Comment from NonnyeLL7
The first 5 line are lovely and flow well, creating a perfect picture of a man suffering the doubts of coming battle.
In line six the brackets are not needed. They are almost like a "stop sign" and I think the word works well. If you are wanting to emphasis that he is "contemplating" his actions and their effects(and if that is the plan I believe it is a very good continuation of the ground work you have put down in the first 5 sentences) perhaps consider a hyphen instead.
I would re work line 7. I understand the desire to use a more poetic pose but it is out of keeping with the flow of the previous musing and the word arrangement stops the flow.
(as a reader, I don't want anything to take me out of the scene or distract me from finding out what is coming next.)
I enjoyed this posting a great deal I loved the break to the two women discussing Richard III.
Thanks
Nonnye
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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The first 5 line are lovely and flow well, creating a perfect picture of a man suffering the doubts of coming battle.
In line six the brackets are not needed. They are almost like a "stop sign" and I think the word works well. If you are wanting to emphasis that he is "contemplating" his actions and their effects(and if that is the plan I believe it is a very good continuation of the ground work you have put down in the first 5 sentences) perhaps consider a hyphen instead.
I would re work line 7. I understand the desire to use a more poetic pose but it is out of keeping with the flow of the previous musing and the word arrangement stops the flow.
(as a reader, I don't want anything to take me out of the scene or distract me from finding out what is coming next.)
I enjoyed this posting a great deal I loved the break to the two women discussing Richard III.
Thanks
Nonnye
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Thank you Nonnye. This is supposed to be a newspaper item, the sentences and paragraphs have been taken from interviews and made into a readable account. By rights, Richards account should be full of such additions and corrections placed there by the women who are interviewing Richard, as it would be in an authentic historical account.
I'm sorry it spoiled your reading, and I do take that on board.
Thank you for the stars. :) Mel.
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 2 of the book "OUT OF THE BLUE" "~The Awakening~ part 3" As I said in a review before; I really enjoy reading your work. I think it marvellous to do something like this. Just shows what a bit of inspiration can accomplish. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Chapter 2 of the book "OUT OF THE BLUE" "~The Awakening~ part 3" As I said in a review before; I really enjoy reading your work. I think it marvellous to do something like this. Just shows what a bit of inspiration can accomplish. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Hi chasennov, thank you once again. I'm so pleased that you are enjoying the story.
Kind regards. :) Mel.
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You're welcome, Mel.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very unique post from your creative mind. It is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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This is a very unique post from your creative mind. It is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
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Thank you Charlie, once again. I'm so pleased you like my story.
Kind regards :) Mel.
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You're welcome, Mel. Charlie
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You're welcome, Mel. Charlie
