If I Were a Swan
a poem in rhyme and mixed meter122 total reviews
Comment from marijmd
Swan DO have such ugly big feet. LOL I guess all pretty things have an imperfection that makes them endearing. Loved the poem - so sharp and sweet.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Swan DO have such ugly big feet. LOL I guess all pretty things have an imperfection that makes them endearing. Loved the poem - so sharp and sweet.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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marijmd, thank you so much, and those big, ugly feet are what allow them to give the illusion of graceful gliding :-) Brooke
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
It's fun to think of the furiously paddling feet beneath the surface of that swan that seems to glide so effortlessly, watching the crowds watching him. There are all kinds of ways to put on a show. Love, Jeanie
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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It's fun to think of the furiously paddling feet beneath the surface of that swan that seems to glide so effortlessly, watching the crowds watching him. There are all kinds of ways to put on a show. Love, Jeanie
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Jeanie, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from IndianaIrish
I love the message and the poignant emotion of your poem, Brooke. The parts of us that are unseen are usually our strongest assets.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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I love the message and the poignant emotion of your poem, Brooke. The parts of us that are unseen are usually our strongest assets.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Karyn, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Warren Rodgers
Hi Brooke,
There is much that goes on unseen beneath the surface of our daily lives. Wonderful metaphor, well developed. One rare suggestion from me, though I know your poem is in mixed meter, would line 11 flow better with; and not let on to anyone? Either way, nicely written and presented.
All the best,
Rodger :)
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Hi Brooke,
There is much that goes on unseen beneath the surface of our daily lives. Wonderful metaphor, well developed. One rare suggestion from me, though I know your poem is in mixed meter, would line 11 flow better with; and not let on to anyone? Either way, nicely written and presented.
All the best,
Rodger :)
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Thank you so much, Rodger. I'll check out that line. Brooke
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Thanks so much, Rodger - I'll check out that line :-) Brooke
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I've often wondered what goes on under their elegant bodies. LOL, best be kept a secret, I think. Another lovely poem, my friend, your really good at this poetry lark, aren't you!!! LOL. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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I've often wondered what goes on under their elegant bodies. LOL, best be kept a secret, I think. Another lovely poem, my friend, your really good at this poetry lark, aren't you!!! LOL. :) Sandra
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Sandra, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from PatVallesMangan
Well my friend, you have exposed the swan's secret in this lovely poem. How hard he is working to give our eyes such delight! Few realize how much work he's putting in to give us such a beautiful sight. The rhyme and rhythm flow so nicely, that it is a joy to read. I so enjoyed the alliteration which is always an added bonus when done so well. This inspires me to think of all of the work we take for granted, and think is easy, when only the creator knows how much work went into the achievement. Bright Blessings! ~ Pat :)
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Well my friend, you have exposed the swan's secret in this lovely poem. How hard he is working to give our eyes such delight! Few realize how much work he's putting in to give us such a beautiful sight. The rhyme and rhythm flow so nicely, that it is a joy to read. I so enjoyed the alliteration which is always an added bonus when done so well. This inspires me to think of all of the work we take for granted, and think is easy, when only the creator knows how much work went into the achievement. Bright Blessings! ~ Pat :)
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Pat, thank you for your insightful reading of my poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
If I were a swan I'd wow the crowds
with movement smooth and sweeping,
and never let on to anyone
the secret I've been keeping.
You're poems are always a pleasure to read...
the words, rhythm and rhyme flowing perfectly.
Margaret
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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If I were a swan I'd wow the crowds
with movement smooth and sweeping,
and never let on to anyone
the secret I've been keeping.
You're poems are always a pleasure to read...
the words, rhythm and rhyme flowing perfectly.
Margaret
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Margaret, thank you so much, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from acerisestory
This is another thought-provoking poem, Brooke. I think that many of us appear to be calm, beautiful and in control on the outside, but inside there's a whole other world of self consciousness and lack of esteem (we are treading hard!).
Your abcb rhyming is perfect, and you've used alliteration and enjambment to promote the flow of your well chosen words. I particularly like this line:
"and never see beneath my glide"
Nice! Have a great day. Alana
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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This is another thought-provoking poem, Brooke. I think that many of us appear to be calm, beautiful and in control on the outside, but inside there's a whole other world of self consciousness and lack of esteem (we are treading hard!).
Your abcb rhyming is perfect, and you've used alliteration and enjambment to promote the flow of your well chosen words. I particularly like this line:
"and never see beneath my glide"
Nice! Have a great day. Alana
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Alana, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Brooke,
As they say of the swans around here, serene and beautiful on the surface, paddling like blazes beneath it. Have you ever seen one trying to take off? They need a very long runway, and can't take off from dry ground.
Patrick
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Hi Brooke,
As they say of the swans around here, serene and beautiful on the surface, paddling like blazes beneath it. Have you ever seen one trying to take off? They need a very long runway, and can't take off from dry ground.
Patrick
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Patrick, thank you so much, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from emrpoems
Solid abcb rhymes in your quatrains. no one knows the effort you put into getting your rewards. On the surface its seems easy but mostly you work very hard to achieve what you have.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Solid abcb rhymes in your quatrains. no one knows the effort you put into getting your rewards. On the surface its seems easy but mostly you work very hard to achieve what you have.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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emrpoems, thank you so much :-) Brooke
