If I Were a Swan
a poem in rhyme and mixed meter122 total reviews
Comment from boxergirl
ABCB rhyme scheme, alliterations with movements/marked, surface saw, smooth/sweeping
great inner rhyming with wow/crowds
Great imagery of crowds gawking and feet treading under.
Loved it, Brooke! 8-)
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
  |
ABCB rhyme scheme, alliterations with movements/marked, surface saw, smooth/sweeping
great inner rhyming with wow/crowds
Great imagery of crowds gawking and feet treading under.
Loved it, Brooke! 8-)
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
boxergirl, thank you so much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Genya
Swans are so graceful and a delight to see in anyone's eyes. Their movements are so smooth and sweeping and very, very graceful. We only see them gliding along. I must admit, I have never really thought about the hard work that goes on under the water. Now I know. This was superb. Excellent rhythm and rhyme. Beautifully written. Genya
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
 |
Swans are so graceful and a delight to see in anyone's eyes. Their movements are so smooth and sweeping and very, very graceful. We only see them gliding along. I must admit, I have never really thought about the hard work that goes on under the water. Now I know. This was superb. Excellent rhythm and rhyme. Beautifully written. Genya
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
Genya, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Brooke - Rhyme and mixed meter which works very well with a smooth flow. But it's the message behind your poem that interests me. You list it as philosophical and that is how I interpret it. Like the swan, we all show , or try to show our better side. The inner self is not visible to the outsider. We don't like to show just how hard this sometimes is. like the swan we have our secrets and we keep it that way. I really like this poem and you chose a beautiful creature for this piece of writing. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
|
Hi Brooke - Rhyme and mixed meter which works very well with a smooth flow. But it's the message behind your poem that interests me. You list it as philosophical and that is how I interpret it. Like the swan, we all show , or try to show our better side. The inner self is not visible to the outsider. We don't like to show just how hard this sometimes is. like the swan we have our secrets and we keep it that way. I really like this poem and you chose a beautiful creature for this piece of writing. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
Dorothy, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from LIJ Red
Didn't have any Hollywood stars in mind, did you? Besides, I'm sure those webbed feet are gracefully paddling away.
Excellent work.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
|
Didn't have any Hollywood stars in mind, did you? Besides, I'm sure those webbed feet are gracefully paddling away.
Excellent work.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
LIJ, thank you :-) Love your observation. Brooke
Comment from Glasstruth
To be a swan has its advantages, especially flying and being like a beautiful while boat on water. I think if I could try that, just for a day that'd be superfabulous! Another wonderful poem for children as well as for adults. Les
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
|
To be a swan has its advantages, especially flying and being like a beautiful while boat on water. I think if I could try that, just for a day that'd be superfabulous! Another wonderful poem for children as well as for adults. Les
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
Les, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from rod007
The elegance and grace of the swan is captured well in this poem. There is a witty undercurrent with the grace caused by the waddling feet treading the water. Well done, Brooke.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
|
The elegance and grace of the swan is captured well in this poem. There is a witty undercurrent with the grace caused by the waddling feet treading the water. Well done, Brooke.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
rod, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from TAB_that's me
Great alliteration with smooth/sweeping. Great abcb rhyme. I always think the ducks and geese must be laughing at us too. We don't usually see swans around here though.
Teresa
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
|
Great alliteration with smooth/sweeping. Great abcb rhyme. I always think the ducks and geese must be laughing at us too. We don't usually see swans around here though.
Teresa
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
Teresa, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello there Brook
Aren't they graceful, but you're right. The feet are always moving. Kinda like the Lady at a harp. The long dress hides her feet working the pedals. Nice one here
Bear
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
|
Hello there Brook
Aren't they graceful, but you're right. The feet are always moving. Kinda like the Lady at a harp. The long dress hides her feet working the pedals. Nice one here
Bear
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
Thanks so much, Bear - love the harp analogy :-) Brooke
Comment from humpwhistle
I love the way your mind works, Brooke.
Legions of poets on this site would write about a swan, and I'll bet my sister, none would even consider those flapping flipper feet.
You always have a lesson. And kids love being in on secrets, so this will delight them.
You know I admire your skill with language. But your skill at conceptualizing, and at reaching your audience is at least as strong.
I wear size 15 boots, so I empathize with the swan.
And glide just as well, too.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
|
I love the way your mind works, Brooke.
Legions of poets on this site would write about a swan, and I'll bet my sister, none would even consider those flapping flipper feet.
You always have a lesson. And kids love being in on secrets, so this will delight them.
You know I admire your skill with language. But your skill at conceptualizing, and at reaching your audience is at least as strong.
I wear size 15 boots, so I empathize with the swan.
And glide just as well, too.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
Lord, my son wears either a 13 or 14, and I thought that was bad enough when shoe shopping when his feet were still my problem LOL
Thanks for the laugh and the thoughtful comments, Lee :-) Brooke
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Absolutely beautiful. A secret is best kept, for there is the beauty. Only you can enjoy it.
But this writing is as beautiful as the swan itself..
Still a question...do you really want to be a swan?
A human being is as beautiful.
Benny Beeharry
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
|
Absolutely beautiful. A secret is best kept, for there is the beauty. Only you can enjoy it.
But this writing is as beautiful as the swan itself..
Still a question...do you really want to be a swan?
A human being is as beautiful.
Benny Beeharry
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
-
Benny, thank you so much :-) Nope, no desire to swim in circles in a pond, my friend :-) Brooke
