If I Were a Swan
a poem in rhyme and mixed meter122 total reviews
Comment from Wolfdancer13
What a lovely flowing poetic verse you've inspired, Adewpearl! The rhythmic flow effortlessly delivers us to each line of contemplative wonder, depth meant to ponder how we could all relate to this vision of self experiencing walking a mile in this beauty's plumage.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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What a lovely flowing poetic verse you've inspired, Adewpearl! The rhythmic flow effortlessly delivers us to each line of contemplative wonder, depth meant to ponder how we could all relate to this vision of self experiencing walking a mile in this beauty's plumage.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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Wolfdancer, thank you so much :-) I feel bad that this one is no longer paying out. Brooke
Comment from michaelcahill
I love the underlying message about effort that this brings to mind as I read it. That is so cool when a poem does that before the brain starts analyzing and thinking. The meaning just arrives from the feel of it and the picture that is put before it. Great little piece. mikey
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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I love the underlying message about effort that this brings to mind as I read it. That is so cool when a poem does that before the brain starts analyzing and thinking. The meaning just arrives from the feel of it and the picture that is put before it. Great little piece. mikey
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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Mikey, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Treischel
A simple, yet marvelous composition about the grace of a swan. The upbeat mood carries well through this abcb rhymed set of quatrains that floats on mixed meter, powered by hidden locomotion. It made me smile at the concept as well as the excellent execution. The assonance in: crowds who gawk in wonder. The alliteration was delightful in: my movements marked.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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A simple, yet marvelous composition about the grace of a swan. The upbeat mood carries well through this abcb rhymed set of quatrains that floats on mixed meter, powered by hidden locomotion. It made me smile at the concept as well as the excellent execution. The assonance in: crowds who gawk in wonder. The alliteration was delightful in: my movements marked.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Treischel, thank you so very much for your generous and thoughtful response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from linsbm
This is so an enjoyable read. Even adults would love to read. Fascinating thoughts to realize from this piece and smile got me in my face. Movements as described in your words and vocabulary are very visual and sort of fun. As usual, great poem for children. Thanks for sharing.} Lin
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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This is so an enjoyable read. Even adults would love to read. Fascinating thoughts to realize from this piece and smile got me in my face. Movements as described in your words and vocabulary are very visual and sort of fun. As usual, great poem for children. Thanks for sharing.} Lin
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Lin, thank you so much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi Again ...
I wish I had a 6-star award remaining, but I do not. had I one more, it would go to you for this poem. Although IO can award you but 5 stars, this is 6-star worthy.
This is special to me for a specific reason. I grew up on a small farm near Troy, Missouri. A small stream ran past our barn and intersected another stream perpendicularly about a hundred feet past the barn. We had about a dozen ducks. My older brother and I would climb up on the roof of the barn, much to my mother's chagrin as it was a two-story barn. At the time I was 6 years old and my brother was almost 9. We'd watch the ducks swim by to the intersection of the other stream and then come back the opposite direction, passing by the barn again. We often wondered how they moved so gracefully and with, seemingly, no effort. We had no idea their feet were paddling at a frantic rate beneath the surface of the water. Hidden realities!
Thank you so much for bringing back one of the fondest memories of my childhood. That was 63 years ago and I can still recall it as thought I were right there again. I could describe the clothes were wore, the time of day, our conversation almost literally, etc. Thank you again. I'm still smiling!
Alan
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Hi Again ...
I wish I had a 6-star award remaining, but I do not. had I one more, it would go to you for this poem. Although IO can award you but 5 stars, this is 6-star worthy.
This is special to me for a specific reason. I grew up on a small farm near Troy, Missouri. A small stream ran past our barn and intersected another stream perpendicularly about a hundred feet past the barn. We had about a dozen ducks. My older brother and I would climb up on the roof of the barn, much to my mother's chagrin as it was a two-story barn. At the time I was 6 years old and my brother was almost 9. We'd watch the ducks swim by to the intersection of the other stream and then come back the opposite direction, passing by the barn again. We often wondered how they moved so gracefully and with, seemingly, no effort. We had no idea their feet were paddling at a frantic rate beneath the surface of the water. Hidden realities!
Thank you so much for bringing back one of the fondest memories of my childhood. That was 63 years ago and I can still recall it as thought I were right there again. I could describe the clothes were wore, the time of day, our conversation almost literally, etc. Thank you again. I'm still smiling!
Alan
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Thank you so much, Alan, for your kind comments about my poetry and for sharing that delightful story. I love it when something I write triggers a reader's memory through shared experience :-) Brooke
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i Brooke ...
It was my sincere pleasure. I didn't have a very good childhood and that particular experience was one of the very few moments I can look back on and smile. I appreciated not only your excellent writing, but the transport back in time you gave me. My thanks to you!
Again, my apologies for the numerous typos. That danged focal dystonia is not a typist best friend. Likewise, it is starting to diminish my skills as a guitarist, my primary source of income.
Wishing you a pleasant day ...
Alan
Comment from djsaxon
Gotta hate ugly feet LOL. Solid abcb and as always, captures the 'secret'. Gotta be honest, I have been paddling in some very muddy waters today. I try, but sometimes wonder if my five paragraph reviews mean zip in the scheme of things. thank God for your pen (female swan - pun intended) DJ - :)
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Gotta hate ugly feet LOL. Solid abcb and as always, captures the 'secret'. Gotta be honest, I have been paddling in some very muddy waters today. I try, but sometimes wonder if my five paragraph reviews mean zip in the scheme of things. thank God for your pen (female swan - pun intended) DJ - :)
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Thanks so much, dj :-) Keep paddling, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from jackpeg
Your usual metric smoothness, but I don't get what you mean by "the secret"? Is it a very shallow pond orand he is walking on the bottom, something else?
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Your usual metric smoothness, but I don't get what you mean by "the secret"? Is it a very shallow pond orand he is walking on the bottom, something else?
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Thanks, Jack - no, the secret the swan has is that he isn't really effortlessly gliding - he is paddling like mad under the water to give the appearance of effortless and graceful gliding :-) Brooke
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O.k., but he's "paddling like mad" effortlessly just the same.
Comment from patcelaw
Many of us have endured trials and learned to keep our calm. So others think we have thing all together while inside we could be falling apart. As a teen in highh school I had learned to be calm while a nervous wreck inside. At my 20 year class reunion I was telling a friend what a mess I was in high school and she said, "I thought you were the most put together girl in school."
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Many of us have endured trials and learned to keep our calm. So others think we have thing all together while inside we could be falling apart. As a teen in highh school I had learned to be calm while a nervous wreck inside. At my 20 year class reunion I was telling a friend what a mess I was in high school and she said, "I thought you were the most put together girl in school."
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Pat, thank you so much for your insightful reading of this poem :_) Brooke
Comment from kiwijenny
Ha ha ha ha the mystery is revealed.....they are walking ?????? I never knew. Ha ha ha it makes you say.....in the southern vernacular..."Well, I swan!
Well done.Brooke
God bless
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Ha ha ha ha the mystery is revealed.....they are walking ?????? I never knew. Ha ha ha it makes you say.....in the southern vernacular..."Well, I swan!
Well done.Brooke
God bless
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Jenny, thanks so much - not walking, but treading water, paddling under the surface of the water for locomotion, like if you see someone treading water in place - their little legs are kicking under the surface :-) Brooke
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hi Brooke,
Interesting thought about the exterior we show and the knowledge we know to be the truth.
I'm probably reading more into this than you had intended, but the idea of people judging by the reflection they are allowed to see, as opposed to the real image that resides inside, is well stated.
It's also a nice poem about the simple thoughts, (as far as we know), of the Swan, lol. We may never know the truth...
Solid rhyme, meter and enjambments.
Best wishes, Bill
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Hi Brooke,
Interesting thought about the exterior we show and the knowledge we know to be the truth.
I'm probably reading more into this than you had intended, but the idea of people judging by the reflection they are allowed to see, as opposed to the real image that resides inside, is well stated.
It's also a nice poem about the simple thoughts, (as far as we know), of the Swan, lol. We may never know the truth...
Solid rhyme, meter and enjambments.
Best wishes, Bill
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Bill, thank you so much :-) Brooke
