Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Roads Quickly Traveled"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
15 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I love that last line. I'd murder the bastard myself if I could. It would not be hard back then to hide the crime, burying the body in the woods. Good episode, again, Mikey. But if you let any of the young folks get hurt, I will make you pay big time, you hear, buster? :)
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I love that last line. I'd murder the bastard myself if I could. It would not be hard back then to hide the crime, burying the body in the woods. Good episode, again, Mikey. But if you let any of the young folks get hurt, I will make you pay big time, you hear, buster? :)
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
Comment from Michaelk
I'm not sure if I have ever heard Cassius speak badly of anyone. To suddenly say he'd like to slit a priests throat and leave him to die is a little jarring. If Leo is on the move and has backing now, he's going to be more dangerous than ever. Especially since he seems to have the families targeted too.
Great chapter.
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I'm not sure if I have ever heard Cassius speak badly of anyone. To suddenly say he'd like to slit a priests throat and leave him to die is a little jarring. If Leo is on the move and has backing now, he's going to be more dangerous than ever. Especially since he seems to have the families targeted too.
Great chapter.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mikey
Another great chapter. Smooth flow and well penned. The tone is full of foreboding ... why does there always have to be a 'baddie'?? Sounds like things are about to get pretty heated and Leopold is about to spew his wrath. Seems he's the mentally ill one. Great writing. A few typos, unusual for you ... working too hard?? Take care ... keep the balance. :)) I really like this novel. Great characters and plot-line.
.."Valerius treated the young boy that had a..." -- "who had" not 'that'.
"... as the priest that they fled ..." -- "whom they fled".
" ... village that was ill ..." -- "who was ill".
"I have a couple of matters to discuss of some urgency." -- I have a couple of matters of some urgency to discuss with you.
"... harbored by Abramus at his home." - I would delete 'at his home', it seems superfluous ... it is implied. Just imho ... I might be wrong. :))
"Leopold is determined (to) help Julia and .."
Hugs - Lovi xoxox
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Hi Mikey
Another great chapter. Smooth flow and well penned. The tone is full of foreboding ... why does there always have to be a 'baddie'?? Sounds like things are about to get pretty heated and Leopold is about to spew his wrath. Seems he's the mentally ill one. Great writing. A few typos, unusual for you ... working too hard?? Take care ... keep the balance. :)) I really like this novel. Great characters and plot-line.
.."Valerius treated the young boy that had a..." -- "who had" not 'that'.
"... as the priest that they fled ..." -- "whom they fled".
" ... village that was ill ..." -- "who was ill".
"I have a couple of matters to discuss of some urgency." -- I have a couple of matters of some urgency to discuss with you.
"... harbored by Abramus at his home." - I would delete 'at his home', it seems superfluous ... it is implied. Just imho ... I might be wrong. :))
"Leopold is determined (to) help Julia and .."
Hugs - Lovi xoxox
Comment Written 14-Nov-2014
Comment from Sankey
More great writing my friend. Getting more and more drama in there. I hope everyone is gonna be safe and out do old Leopold and Cicero.
Lot of interest in your tale mate. ON another note someone wants me to write a poem about lack of responses to reviews hehe! Working on that. Now some Californian hehe spags.
more danger the(a)n they protect us from
couple (of)days....I see these ancient folks speak Californian what haha!
More californian abbreviation...determined (to)help Julia and Florentina.
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More great writing my friend. Getting more and more drama in there. I hope everyone is gonna be safe and out do old Leopold and Cicero.
Lot of interest in your tale mate. ON another note someone wants me to write a poem about lack of responses to reviews hehe! Working on that. Now some Californian hehe spags.
more danger the(a)n they protect us from
couple (of)days....I see these ancient folks speak Californian what haha!
More californian abbreviation...determined (to)help Julia and Florentina.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
She is taken with Cassius and a young man her age that is visiting there. [Cassius AND a young man her age? She's after two men? And, where is Lourdes, while father and son are speaking? You haven't excused her. She's making no comment or expression of surprise?]
In the paragraphs with Father, Son and Lourdes together, IN MY OPINION Lourdes appears absent though she is there. I feel that should be rectified, however subtly.
As usual, the tension is rising. Like a juicy pimple, everything will come to a head before long and p-o-p!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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She is taken with Cassius and a young man her age that is visiting there. [Cassius AND a young man her age? She's after two men? And, where is Lourdes, while father and son are speaking? You haven't excused her. She's making no comment or expression of surprise?]
In the paragraphs with Father, Son and Lourdes together, IN MY OPINION Lourdes appears absent though she is there. I feel that should be rectified, however subtly.
As usual, the tension is rising. Like a juicy pimple, everything will come to a head before long and p-o-p!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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It must be unclear. We're talking about Florentina, the daughter of Lourdes. She's is taken with (likes) Cassius and enjoys the company of Grenadier the young boy with the seizures. Lourdes isn't surprised as she is aware that her daughter is there at Abramus' home. I can make her presence known though. I'll look at that section and try and make it more clear. Good points as always. Thank you, mikey
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I can see where I got confused. I went back and reread it. Perhaps if the father mentioned Florentina by name instead of "the Child".
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I'll tell him to do that. :)
