Different
High School teens can be so cruel9 total reviews
Comment from Laurie Keim
HI J.
This is a poem that rhymes with the rhythm of teasing: those short idiot barbs that hurt some people there entire life.
The strength of this poem is the use of the vernacular. You caught the spoken word so very well.
3# I liked this stanza more than the others for the way it connects the showiness with the poison.
Cheers,
Laurie keim
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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HI J.
This is a poem that rhymes with the rhythm of teasing: those short idiot barbs that hurt some people there entire life.
The strength of this poem is the use of the vernacular. You caught the spoken word so very well.
3# I liked this stanza more than the others for the way it connects the showiness with the poison.
Cheers,
Laurie keim
Comment Written 17-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much Laurie for commenting on my poem.
Jo
Comment from adewpearl
solid use of mono-rhyming in your tercets
realistic observations about high school dynamics - I used to teach writing in middle school - there was one section of the district that was blue collar/poor, and if a girl showed up in mama-made frocks, she knew the kids who got their brand name stuff at the mall would be cruel and snotty
you chronicle teasing/bullying most effectively - great use of the peacock imagery
I love the verbal rocks image
Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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solid use of mono-rhyming in your tercets
realistic observations about high school dynamics - I used to teach writing in middle school - there was one section of the district that was blue collar/poor, and if a girl showed up in mama-made frocks, she knew the kids who got their brand name stuff at the mall would be cruel and snotty
you chronicle teasing/bullying most effectively - great use of the peacock imagery
I love the verbal rocks image
Brooke
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thank you Brooke for your kind review. Sorry, so long in my reply. Retired in June and have been too busy to get on-line. Sad.
Comment from Bobby Jo
This is sad too. Makes me think of the coat of many colors that Dolly Parton sings. Good luck in the contest and have a great day.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014
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This is sad too. Makes me think of the coat of many colors that Dolly Parton sings. Good luck in the contest and have a great day.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014
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Thanks for the kind review Bobby Jo.
Comment from daeneam
I agree with you. Bullying is the most terrible thing a student can experience. I don't know why there are people capable of picking at someone weaker than them. I would like to understand them, but I refused to. My reason: we should exert our best effort to discipline ourselves. We must be stronger than our "want" to bully others.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014
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I agree with you. Bullying is the most terrible thing a student can experience. I don't know why there are people capable of picking at someone weaker than them. I would like to understand them, but I refused to. My reason: we should exert our best effort to discipline ourselves. We must be stronger than our "want" to bully others.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014
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Thank you for reviewing my poem.
Comment from NurseBarb
Well written poem with nice rhyming within each stanza and eye opening information about the ugliness of bullying. Allowing the reader to understand that bullies will use any ammunition they can to put a person down, included religion. Well done, mystery writer.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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Well written poem with nice rhyming within each stanza and eye opening information about the ugliness of bullying. Allowing the reader to understand that bullies will use any ammunition they can to put a person down, included religion. Well done, mystery writer.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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Thank you NurseBarb for reviewing my work. Yes, bullying is very ugly.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Interesting choice to use just the two rhymes throughout - there are signs near the end that your supply of rhyming words is near exhaustion.
I quite liked the rapid-fire shorthand lines which sum up the problem of peer pressure and verbal bullying - much more prevalent than the physical kind and harder for authorities to take seriously.
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Interesting choice to use just the two rhymes throughout - there are signs near the end that your supply of rhyming words is near exhaustion.
I quite liked the rapid-fire shorthand lines which sum up the problem of peer pressure and verbal bullying - much more prevalent than the physical kind and harder for authorities to take seriously.
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Thank you for your kind review. Yes, I was trying a new rhyming theme just for fun.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
Indeed, kids in general can be cruel. My younger son grew up challenged and was made fun of all the time. Quite sad.
Good poem. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Hi,
Indeed, kids in general can be cruel. My younger son grew up challenged and was made fun of all the time. Quite sad.
Good poem. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Thank you Jax for reviewing my work. I have a daughter with Downs Syndrome. She's 50 now. We have spent years dealing with stares and misunderstanding of her condition. Sometimes, bullying, too, when she was in public school.
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Wow, I bet you have seen and heard it all. I don't understand why people have to be so cruel.
My son couldn't handle being called 'different', so he ended up on the wrong side of the law, drugs, alcohol. It's been very devastating over the years for the whole family.
It's wonderful how medicine has evolved, helping Downs Syndrome to be treated and have longevity as your daughter. Blessings to her, you, and your family.
Cheers... Jax
Comment from ChelseaAnel
Mum's loving efforts twisted to a feeling of shame. Your first stanza resonates as I adore my mum for the clothes she made me.
"Please, do not press" -I do not understand this line. Is it a plea to stop the torment?
I really like "I need time to detox" - it shows how harsh words can poison the soul.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Mum's loving efforts twisted to a feeling of shame. Your first stanza resonates as I adore my mum for the clothes she made me.
"Please, do not press" -I do not understand this line. Is it a plea to stop the torment?
I really like "I need time to detox" - it shows how harsh words can poison the soul.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Yes, you are right. "Please, do not press." Is a plea to not add anymore abuse/stress to the situation. Thank you for your rview.
Comment from patcelaw
It is such a terrible thing that parents are not teaching their children to be kind to their fellow students. The kids are allowed to be cruel at home too I am pretty sure. Maybe the kids even bully the pets at home.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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It is such a terrible thing that parents are not teaching their children to be kind to their fellow students. The kids are allowed to be cruel at home too I am pretty sure. Maybe the kids even bully the pets at home.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Thank you for your kind review. Bullying today is out of hand in our schools. Yes, it does begin at home with the parents teaching children to accept people who are 'different' from themselves.
