Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

Very good, Dean, and you didn't need to use any of those forbidden topics, you chose, DEATH! That is past the old age bit! Loved it, it is up to your usual high standard and as grisly. I don't know if I am too late to vote, but good luck if it isn't, I'll go and have a look. :) Sandra

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

Thanks so much, Sandra, and no, the voting hasn't begun yet. In about an hour, I think.

I appreciate your complimentary review and glowing response, given the subject.

Thanks so much again for an awesome review! :}

Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

Sorry, I have no six-stars today. This is great poetry, though deathly.
Decomposing, decaying, devouring ... Very descriptive. NEVER just a poem that really says nothing convincingly. ALWAYS leaving a thought to consider and rip apart. Drew

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

Thanks so much, Drew, and no sixes are ever necessary with a review as good as yours is, my friend. I'm so glad that you liked it, given the rather morbid subject matter. I wasn't trying to be morbid, but simply stating a fact. Death is as much a part of the cycle of life than anything else. Our bodies return to the dirt and dust, compost, no more than withered, dried leaves from trees, after our spirit has left our mortal husks. It is the soul -- the very core of our existence -- that is truly important.

Thanks so much again, Drew. I sincerely appreciate it! :}

Comment from forestport12

Exceptional

Wow! Simply amazing. You spun a web of intrigue. I felt like a fly, my crumbling heart beating a million times a minute, trapped by the descriptive words. Bravo. Too many lines to single out a few.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

Thanks so much, Stan! It is such a pleasure to hear from you, my friend. I'm so glad that you enjoyed this, given the rather morbid subject matter. I wasn't trying to be morbid, but simply stating a fact. Death is as much a part of the cycle of life than anything else. Our bodies return to the dirt and dust when we die -- compost, no more than withered leaves from trees, after our spirit has left our mortal husks. It is the soul -- the very core of our existence -- that is truly important.

Thanks so much again, Stan. I sincerely appreciate the great review, as well all all of those shimmering stars! :}

Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

Dean, you are in your spooky scary element here describing the realm of Death. Suitably grim and gloomy surroundings are described in detail.

Two puzzlements:
why is Death described as apathetic - he seems anything but?

Why do you use the pronoun 'it' for Death near the end when he has been personified as 'him' previously?

Good luck.

Steve

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

Thanks a bunch, Steve. I appreciate your comments and sharing your thoughts and feelings with me about this.

I used the word, "Apathetic" because to death, we mean very little, it's just a job for the Reaper, nothing personal. When our tickets pulled, he punches it, and I imagine it gets pretty boring for him, too. Lots of death in the world. There always has been.

As far as the "it", I've changed that word to
"his", to keep Death personified as I have throughout the poem. I hope it's showing up that way. I'll have to check before the contest gets underway to be sure, but thanks so much for pointing it out.

I appreciate the well wishes, and your comments. Much obliged! :}

Comment from alexisleech

Exceptional

Well done, you! Okay, this is not a subject any of us like to ponder too much, but your poem is spot on. I once attended a seminar where the speaker reminded us every five minutes that we would die. For the first two days I hated him, by the third day, I was reborn. Once we appreciate the fact that we're not immortal, we actually start living life to the full. You've done a great job, considering the difficult restrictions. Well done, and good luck in the competition. Alexis x

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

Thanks you so much for your brilliant assessment and the exceptional rating of my work, Alexis. I also appreciate your kind and thoughtful well wishes for the contest.

Much obliged, my friend! :}

Comment from Delahay

Excellent

Did you create this writing prompt? It describes your style is why I ask. This does draw quite a mental picture of just about anything, a building, an overgrown weed strewn lot, that has been neglected and if falling apart.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

No sir, the moderator is Domino 2, or Ray, as we all know him by. Had I created it, I would have allowed (at the very least) artwork to accompany the poetry submitted.

You're right, Ward,. This could pertain to a number of things that once had life but is eventually stripped away, as all things are.

Thanks so much for your comments and review. Much obliged. :}

reply by Delahay on 15-Nov-2014

Yeah you would have allowed pictures wouldn't you?

reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

Ha ha, you better know it, Ward...heh-heh! :D

Comment from GE Parson

Excellent

Bro. Dean,
Not sure exactly what you were writing about, but it sounds like that appointed time of all humanity.

Slithering repulsive stuff within the bodies of humanity, - would that be a reference to our internal organs?
And the last sentence no doubt is a reference to The serpent in the garden.



Anyway,.....
Your Friend & Brother in Christ,
Jerry

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

Yes, Jerry, I was simply trying to convey that when we die, and we are buried in the ground, our bodies are nothing more than compost -- empty husks which once harbored humanity and a soul -- and fodder for all of the creepy-crawlers that live below the ground. But, that's not what makes us who we are. It is our souls we must worry about, as that part of us lives on.

Thanks so much for the review, my friend. It was great hearing from you! :}

Comment from skye

Excellent

Wow. You made it sound awful, with all the ugly words like virulent, putrid, pall, slithering, devoured.
Death is natural. These horrid underground things clean the earth.
Excellent.

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014

In reality, I truly don't think death is awful at all, skye, nor something to be feared. It is simply another journey we must take in the cycle of life. Once the soul has left our body, what remains behind is simply compost, fodder for the things beneath the earth. Our souls, though, that's what really matters.

Thanks so much for your awesome review. :}

Comment from JudyS

Excellent

Dean, This is an excellent poem. I have to admit, it creeped me out some tho. You do the best job of describing death. Super job, I enjoyed the read. Best of luck with it. Judy

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

Thanks so much, Judy. I value your opinion, and appreciate your encouraging comments, my friend. :}

Comment from JM

Exceptional

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust"...I found this poem a unique expression of our demise. I pictured myself looking down at my tombstone [which I already have engraved with my name] pondering the inevitable "judge, jury...". As always, your writing is brilliant.

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014

Thanks so much for picturing a cemetery, JM, because that is precisely what I was referring to in the poem. Excellent observation, my friend!

Thanks also for the six star rating. I really am happy that you enjoyed it so much, given the topic.

Much appreciated, my friend! :}