The Heart of Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 109 "Haiku (lacy white diamonds)"'Tis not the Bard, but pretty good poetry anyway
35 total reviews
Comment from Judy Couch
This generates a beautiful mental image of the falling snow. I don't like the cold weather but the snow is lovely. You expressed that scene well.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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This generates a beautiful mental image of the falling snow. I don't like the cold weather but the snow is lovely. You expressed that scene well.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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thanks so much Judy, :-) Carolyn
Comment from Jean Lutz
Love the description of lacy white diamonds. Indeed each is a rare one-of-a-kind. Looks like the artic will be covering most of the U.S. this winter. Just hope the real thing is as beautiful as your words. Best wishes with the entry.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Love the description of lacy white diamonds. Indeed each is a rare one-of-a-kind. Looks like the artic will be covering most of the U.S. this winter. Just hope the real thing is as beautiful as your words. Best wishes with the entry.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Thanks Jean for this uplifting review. :-) Carolyn
Comment from BeasPeas
Form is good with each line able to stand on its own and containing the 5-7-5 syllable count. Many entries don't follow the traditional guidelines. Yours is an exception.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Form is good with each line able to stand on its own and containing the 5-7-5 syllable count. Many entries don't follow the traditional guidelines. Yours is an exception.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Thanks BeasPeas for your affirming review. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Lovinia
Hi notesandmore
A lovely image emerges as I read your poem. All the winter white and diamonds to boot. I think it charming to think of the "lacy white diamonds" whirling to earth, all facets sparkling. You have the seasonal kigo and the cut (kireji). I like the use of "whirl" ... a sense of action and to me arouses the audial. You have provided a senses of nature and linked it to mankind. All gals love diamonds. :)
Your use of the technique of LeapLinkage works well here. Alliteration of "white/whirl" works well, perhaps the third "w' may be a little distracting, especially with the added allit. of 's' in "sparkling/snow". However a fine entry in the contest. I wish you the best of luck. WArm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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Hi notesandmore
A lovely image emerges as I read your poem. All the winter white and diamonds to boot. I think it charming to think of the "lacy white diamonds" whirling to earth, all facets sparkling. You have the seasonal kigo and the cut (kireji). I like the use of "whirl" ... a sense of action and to me arouses the audial. You have provided a senses of nature and linked it to mankind. All gals love diamonds. :)
Your use of the technique of LeapLinkage works well here. Alliteration of "white/whirl" works well, perhaps the third "w' may be a little distracting, especially with the added allit. of 's' in "sparkling/snow". However a fine entry in the contest. I wish you the best of luck. WArm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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Thank you Lovinia for reading and commenting so encouragingly about the Haiku. I appreciate all you have said. :-) Carolyn
Comment from sgalletti
Hi Carolyn! First, thanks so much for entering this contest. I hope you found it to be fun and got something from Reichhold's essay. I am so impressed with the entries and the talent of the poets who entered and how they took the contest seriously - including you and yours. Best of luck in the contest. You've got it all in this haiku - the interconnecting lines, two vivid concrete images in juxtaposition and the kigo.
Your imagery is lovely and concrete with the lacy white diamonds whirling to the earth and snow gems. I'd actually recommend you don't use the art work even though I know readers like it and it's a lovely choice. Your words convey the images without a need for the additional art work. I know you have received good feedback on your use of white/whirl and winter for the consonance and consonance is one of my favorite poetic techniques. Just be cautious when using it (or alliteration in general) when writing haiku because it can detract from the reader's experience of the AHA. For me, the technique you use in this haiku is Association and could also be in the category of Leap Linkage as you are definitely describing the snow flakes in your two connected lines and your third AHA line. Love your word choice of lacy, diamonds and the strong verb "whirl." Good connection of diamonds and gems. I'm not sure you need the word "winter's" in the third line as the kigo of winter is pretty clear without using the actual seasonal word - and word economy is a priority in writing kigo. Very nice haiku.
Sue
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Hi Carolyn! First, thanks so much for entering this contest. I hope you found it to be fun and got something from Reichhold's essay. I am so impressed with the entries and the talent of the poets who entered and how they took the contest seriously - including you and yours. Best of luck in the contest. You've got it all in this haiku - the interconnecting lines, two vivid concrete images in juxtaposition and the kigo.
Your imagery is lovely and concrete with the lacy white diamonds whirling to the earth and snow gems. I'd actually recommend you don't use the art work even though I know readers like it and it's a lovely choice. Your words convey the images without a need for the additional art work. I know you have received good feedback on your use of white/whirl and winter for the consonance and consonance is one of my favorite poetic techniques. Just be cautious when using it (or alliteration in general) when writing haiku because it can detract from the reader's experience of the AHA. For me, the technique you use in this haiku is Association and could also be in the category of Leap Linkage as you are definitely describing the snow flakes in your two connected lines and your third AHA line. Love your word choice of lacy, diamonds and the strong verb "whirl." Good connection of diamonds and gems. I'm not sure you need the word "winter's" in the third line as the kigo of winter is pretty clear without using the actual seasonal word - and word economy is a priority in writing kigo. Very nice haiku.
Sue
Comment Written 12-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Thank you so very much Sue for this affirming review. I appreciate all you have said, and will treasure those comments, as they come from you so sincerely.
I definitely enjoyed writing this one. I learned a lot from the information you provided in the guidelines for the contest.
Best regards always,
Carolyn
Comment from adewpearl
your poem is in good haiku format
lovely imagery and vivid descriptive detail
good assonance in white diamonds
nice alliterative grouping in white/whirl/winter
very pretty and upbeat :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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your poem is in good haiku format
lovely imagery and vivid descriptive detail
good assonance in white diamonds
nice alliterative grouping in white/whirl/winter
very pretty and upbeat :-) Brooke
Comment Written 11-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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Thanks Brooke, :-) Carolyn
Comment from Sanku
That was a brilliant image of swirling snow flakes falling down to earth.winter's sparkling gems-very apt especially when they glitter with sunlight falling on them All the best for the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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That was a brilliant image of swirling snow flakes falling down to earth.winter's sparkling gems-very apt especially when they glitter with sunlight falling on them All the best for the contest.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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Thanks Sanku as usual for reading and reviewing, :-) Carolyn
Comment from Irish Rain
'winter's snow gems'...what a beautiful A-HA line! I love the lacy white diamonds...this is a sparkling entry for this contest...best of luck!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2014
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'winter's snow gems'...what a beautiful A-HA line! I love the lacy white diamonds...this is a sparkling entry for this contest...best of luck!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2014
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Thank you so much, the Haiku has been well received, it would be nice to have a win. I am so glad you enjoyed it. :-) Carolyn
Comment from misscookie
The artwork you choose for your poem is awesome.
It is perfect for your poem.
I like the movement of your words.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2014
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The artwork you choose for your poem is awesome.
It is perfect for your poem.
I like the movement of your words.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2014
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Thanks misscookie, I'm glad you enjoyed this one. :-) Carolyn
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You're very welcome, until next time.
Cookie
Comment from Spitfire
An excellent entry, Caroline. Still working on mine. Funny because I had just come up with one about a snowstorm. Great minds...Good use of alliteration of W in this.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2014
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An excellent entry, Caroline. Still working on mine. Funny because I had just come up with one about a snowstorm. Great minds...Good use of alliteration of W in this.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2014
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LOl, nice to be in good company. Glad you enjoyed it. :-) Carolyn
