I Didn't Stand a Chance
a children's poem in rhyming couplets135 total reviews
Comment from DSMalott
Exceptional.
Loved the strong rhyming form.
Your 'second' lines throughout gave this piece such strong descriptive qualities. Each well placed word made the inability to control the 'laugh' the mounting focal point as the narrative developed.
Sweet!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Exceptional.
Loved the strong rhyming form.
Your 'second' lines throughout gave this piece such strong descriptive qualities. Each well placed word made the inability to control the 'laugh' the mounting focal point as the narrative developed.
Sweet!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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DS, thank you so much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from MissMerri
What a fun poem! It is exactly the kind of poem children love to hear over and over. The many rhymes liberally sprinkled throughout are pleasant to the ear and fun to say. The meter is perfect and I especially liked the many feminine endings. It is a delightful read and one I know any child would enjoy.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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What a fun poem! It is exactly the kind of poem children love to hear over and over. The many rhymes liberally sprinkled throughout are pleasant to the ear and fun to say. The meter is perfect and I especially liked the many feminine endings. It is a delightful read and one I know any child would enjoy.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Adonna, thank you so much, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from TKField
Interestingly enough, this is exactly how it works with breaking wind as well, just at the other end. And each can be a prelude to the other. Tell little Sawyer to watch his tendency to break in to spontaneous laughter lest they slap him with an ADD stamp that will follow him around for the rest of his life. ADD is really just another way of saying... this kid is so clever and smart, he isn't interested in things that bore his pants off, and we can't force him to be interested in them. DISORDER! Nice poem as always. Back to the lighter side, eh?
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Interestingly enough, this is exactly how it works with breaking wind as well, just at the other end. And each can be a prelude to the other. Tell little Sawyer to watch his tendency to break in to spontaneous laughter lest they slap him with an ADD stamp that will follow him around for the rest of his life. ADD is really just another way of saying... this kid is so clever and smart, he isn't interested in things that bore his pants off, and we can't force him to be interested in them. DISORDER! Nice poem as always. Back to the lighter side, eh?
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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LOL - TK, God bless your depressing little heart :-) Thanks for dropping by, my friend, to spread a little cheer. Brooke
Comment from krys123
Brooke;
between the picture that so adorable and the poem that is very brilliantly enjoyable, laughingly and surprisingly
fun with a few sprinkles of giggles and shrieks.
I myself had a good chuckle from reading this poem Brooke probably just as Sawyer is in the picture. But I think Sawyer is having much more fun.
The rhyming is self-contained and excellently done and helps with the rhythms rhythmic flow while the rhythm itself gives a feeling of spontaneity and flows smoothly throughout the writing.
Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
PS: have you ever told Sawyer that he's in well-known celebrity here at Fan Story?
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Brooke;
between the picture that so adorable and the poem that is very brilliantly enjoyable, laughingly and surprisingly
fun with a few sprinkles of giggles and shrieks.
I myself had a good chuckle from reading this poem Brooke probably just as Sawyer is in the picture. But I think Sawyer is having much more fun.
The rhyming is self-contained and excellently done and helps with the rhythms rhythmic flow while the rhythm itself gives a feeling of spontaneity and flows smoothly throughout the writing.
Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
PS: have you ever told Sawyer that he's in well-known celebrity here at Fan Story?
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Alex, thanks so much - his mom knows, but at two and a half, he has no way of knowing what celebrity or the internet is LOL :-) Brooke
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Well one day he'll find out and look back on it is probably a missed opportunity in a life well lived. Or maybe not?
Alex
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Brooke, Loved the build up in this one. I didn't know what was going to come out so to speak, thought it was going to be a toot and ended up a smile. Wonderful writing. xoxo d
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Hi Brooke, Loved the build up in this one. I didn't know what was going to come out so to speak, thought it was going to be a toot and ended up a smile. Wonderful writing. xoxo d
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Thanks so much, Deb - praise the Lord that I've never been inspired to write about a toot. LOL Brooke
Comment from Debra White
Hiya Brooke :)
Just look at that little fella! He's having a ball (or a few!)
Love this poem, love that the laugh came out tops despite all attempts to stop it.
Thank you for sharing your enjoyment of Sawyer's enjoyment :)
Lovely as always :) love Debra x
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Hiya Brooke :)
Just look at that little fella! He's having a ball (or a few!)
Love this poem, love that the laugh came out tops despite all attempts to stop it.
Thank you for sharing your enjoyment of Sawyer's enjoyment :)
Lovely as always :) love Debra x
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Debra, thank you so much for the laugh and your review :-) Brooke
Comment from mshirachot
Brooke, This poem and the picture of Sawyer brought back some vivid memories of my granddaughter's peals of laughter when she played in those balls for the first time. She giggled so much that I could stop laughing either and nearly wet myself. Laughter is good...like medicine!
The poem was perfect! I like the second likne of each stanza the best with the various decriptives.
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings,
Marsha
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Brooke, This poem and the picture of Sawyer brought back some vivid memories of my granddaughter's peals of laughter when she played in those balls for the first time. She giggled so much that I could stop laughing either and nearly wet myself. Laughter is good...like medicine!
The poem was perfect! I like the second likne of each stanza the best with the various decriptives.
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings,
Marsha
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Marsha, I'm so glad this brought back great memories, and I thank you for your generous response :-) Brooke
Comment from Janet Foor
My first grandson had a ball pit. His first word was ball. And today at. Age 20 he still loves any sport that uses a ball. Your delightful poem and pictures of Sawyer bring back many happy memories. Excellent rhyming couplets.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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My first grandson had a ball pit. His first word was ball. And today at. Age 20 he still loves any sport that uses a ball. Your delightful poem and pictures of Sawyer bring back many happy memories. Excellent rhyming couplets.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Janet, thank you so much, my generous friend :-) Brooke
Comment from Pullmanspb
What I liked about this was the complete surprise. I was trying to anticipate what it was that couldn't be contained or held back, and was totally wrong.
Made for excellent images and I kept with it until the end.
Steven
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014
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What I liked about this was the complete surprise. I was trying to anticipate what it was that couldn't be contained or held back, and was totally wrong.
Made for excellent images and I kept with it until the end.
Steven
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2014
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Steven, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from alexisleech
What fun! As a recently appointed Granny, I know how those brewed up chuckles appear from nowhere, and how impossible it is not to be affected by them, once they start. Sweet, innocent laughter from simple things, which your lovely poem portrays so well here. So glad I had a six left! Alexis x
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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What fun! As a recently appointed Granny, I know how those brewed up chuckles appear from nowhere, and how impossible it is not to be affected by them, once they start. Sweet, innocent laughter from simple things, which your lovely poem portrays so well here. So glad I had a six left! Alexis x
Comment Written 08-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2014
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Alexis, thanks so much for your generous stars and thoughtful comments :-) Brooke
