The Blue Balloon
Flash Fiction - about 600 words - a children's story32 total reviews
Comment from NicciFaye
Nicely written tfawcus! You took me on this short but adventurous journey with Sophie and it was a scary but happy one. Great story!
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Nicely written tfawcus! You took me on this short but adventurous journey with Sophie and it was a scary but happy one. Great story!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Nicci. I appreciate your comments and encouragement.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Tony, what a sweet story, one every child has probably experienced and could relate to. That makes the story even more exciting. Did she get her balloon back or not? Young children would want to read to the end to find this out. Beautifully written and with some more illustrations your lovely story would be a delight for any child. Lovely! :) xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Tony, what a sweet story, one every child has probably experienced and could relate to. That makes the story even more exciting. Did she get her balloon back or not? Young children would want to read to the end to find this out. Beautifully written and with some more illustrations your lovely story would be a delight for any child. Lovely! :) xsx Sandra
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Sandra. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. No, she didn't get her balloon back but she did get a replacement and a lesson in the example of the young boy's unselfish act of kindness.
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That in itself is worth the cost of a replacement balloon. Brilliant.
Comment from rjpurdy
Tony, you have captured the sweetest mystery of life. The Holy wastes nothing. The message of the blue balloon is lost on both the giver and the recipient. Tradgedy averted. Nevertheless, Everybody benefits from a childs random act of kindness.
~Blessings my friend~ Rod
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Tony, you have captured the sweetest mystery of life. The Holy wastes nothing. The message of the blue balloon is lost on both the giver and the recipient. Tradgedy averted. Nevertheless, Everybody benefits from a childs random act of kindness.
~Blessings my friend~ Rod
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Rod. Such random acts of kindness are rare and a true reflection of God's spirit working through man - or, in this case, a child.
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Indeed through you too Tony. Very few can articulate God's grace with such authority.
~Peace my friend~ Rod
Comment from beside still waters
Loved it. Characters wonderfully described. Polka dot dress, somehow the clothes they have on are automatically what we look for when searching for a child. Also I liked your sudden twist of hope when I expected the balloon to be immediately gone forever. And the boy is so sweet! Her little comment, "I think she's lost me." instead of "I think I'm lost" brought a smile to my face! :)
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Loved it. Characters wonderfully described. Polka dot dress, somehow the clothes they have on are automatically what we look for when searching for a child. Also I liked your sudden twist of hope when I expected the balloon to be immediately gone forever. And the boy is so sweet! Her little comment, "I think she's lost me." instead of "I think I'm lost" brought a smile to my face! :)
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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So glad you enjoyed this and were able to engage with the spirit of it! Many thanks for your review.
Comment from trimple
Hi there Tony
What a wonderful story for children. Easy on the eye, with enough gentle tension to keep the young reader engaged, and a moral to be learnt toward the end.
The one bit that stood out for me, was this line here...
The balloon bobbed away on the breeze, over the heads of the crowd, and disappeared behind the Ghost Train.
The 'Ghost Train' I thought was a wonderful touch, and for me anyway, lent a beautiful veil to the overall story.
The dialogue was also spot on.
A fine contender!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Hi there Tony
What a wonderful story for children. Easy on the eye, with enough gentle tension to keep the young reader engaged, and a moral to be learnt toward the end.
The one bit that stood out for me, was this line here...
The balloon bobbed away on the breeze, over the heads of the crowd, and disappeared behind the Ghost Train.
The 'Ghost Train' I thought was a wonderful touch, and for me anyway, lent a beautiful veil to the overall story.
The dialogue was also spot on.
A fine contender!
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thanks for this lovely review, Tracey. I am most encouraged to hear that you liked the story.
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you're welcome
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. there is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. there is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Charlie, for your review.
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You're welcome, Tony. Charlie
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a truly refreshing contest entry! Rather than dark and sinister it is upbeat and cheerful. It is technically sound and a simply delightful read. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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This is a truly refreshing contest entry! Rather than dark and sinister it is upbeat and cheerful. It is technically sound and a simply delightful read. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much for your most encouraging and affirmative review, Mystic Angel. I had intended it for the contest but discovered after I had written it that I have already submitted an entry. I have a mind like a sieve!
Comment from Whitemorn
I enjoyed the story. As usual, precise in execution, layout and flow. I didn't find any errors.
Perhaps, the only thing I would have changed would have been the ending. I would have added in that the grandfather bought the boy 3 balloons for his generosity to Sophie.
No matter what the floss ... it always made my teeth ache.
Your story is based on a child losing a helium balloon, something most of us can relate to. You included suspense, surprise, originality and compassion.
I especially enjoyed this line:
"The balloon looked so small up there, holding the hand of the Ferris wheel."
It's a good thing you forgot about your previous entry! ;)
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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I enjoyed the story. As usual, precise in execution, layout and flow. I didn't find any errors.
Perhaps, the only thing I would have changed would have been the ending. I would have added in that the grandfather bought the boy 3 balloons for his generosity to Sophie.
No matter what the floss ... it always made my teeth ache.
Your story is based on a child losing a helium balloon, something most of us can relate to. You included suspense, surprise, originality and compassion.
I especially enjoyed this line:
"The balloon looked so small up there, holding the hand of the Ferris wheel."
It's a good thing you forgot about your previous entry! ;)
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thanks for this encouraging review, Whitethorn. Most appreciated. You are right, the boy probably deserved a reward for his generosity.
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You're welcome. :)
Comment from Emily George
What a lovely tale and a bit of rhyme here and there. A good tale as the little girl chased her balloon getting lost, but then found again each time her mother not far behind.
Good luck with contest
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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What a lovely tale and a bit of rhyme here and there. A good tale as the little girl chased her balloon getting lost, but then found again each time her mother not far behind.
Good luck with contest
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Emily, for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from mfowler
This took me back to an exquisite film called 'The Red Balloon' made in the sixties. In this, the balloon bobbed up all over Paris. I like this very much. It is sweet and the innocence of every player in the story is very appealing. I liked the sparse use of straight prose and the reliance on the dialogue to carry the narrative. It is so easy to imagine happening, and so easy to imagine as you read. The beautiful ending about teh selfless boy is terrific.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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This took me back to an exquisite film called 'The Red Balloon' made in the sixties. In this, the balloon bobbed up all over Paris. I like this very much. It is sweet and the innocence of every player in the story is very appealing. I liked the sparse use of straight prose and the reliance on the dialogue to carry the narrative. It is so easy to imagine happening, and so easy to imagine as you read. The beautiful ending about teh selfless boy is terrific.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Mark, for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated! I confess I did have The Red Balloon in the back of my mind. I also remember seeing it years ago. I hope I didn't plagiarise too badly! It was a great film.
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In primary school jargon of the nineties, you innovated upon a structure. I reckon ther's no such thing as a totally original work. The creativity lies in reassembling our pieces of surface and deep memory to create something new. Sometimes we are aware of the pieces. Other times we dredge it up from the subconscious.
This was like the film, but completely unique in its ow way. I really liked this.
Did you ever see the Australian movie called 'the Black Balloon' (circa 2000)? It followed the adventures of an autistic teenager following his lost balloon. I'm sure it was inspired by the red one.
