Lost!
Story- A high flight of imagination.41 total reviews
Comment from JackiO
You have received a lot of different reviews, all of which cover what I would say to you so far as narration, SPAG etc. go.
What I do want to tell you is, Never Give UP! If writing is your passion take crit and use it to improve! We all started at the bottom and some of us (myself included) have to work that much harder at it. But believe me it pays off. Invest I a couple of creative writing, grammar etc. courses. You have a great potential.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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You have received a lot of different reviews, all of which cover what I would say to you so far as narration, SPAG etc. go.
What I do want to tell you is, Never Give UP! If writing is your passion take crit and use it to improve! We all started at the bottom and some of us (myself included) have to work that much harder at it. But believe me it pays off. Invest I a couple of creative writing, grammar etc. courses. You have a great potential.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello JackiO,
As a matter of fact, it was my first attempt in this field i.e. the field of writing some thing in prose.
Thank you for your encouraging comments and suggestions. I hope to perform better in times to come.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Oh my gosh, I truly don't know how to approach this one. In fact, I am typing this out hoping divine guidance will come to me before I finish. When I read the contest requirements it states that the story should be the bare bones with every bit of unnecessary verbiage scraped away - this has much that should be cut if I go strictly by the rules yet nobody else seems to have called that out at all in their reviews which leaves me perplexed. The concept of the story is very good and has potential even if only a framework is presented. I am skipping over the SPAG since that has already been addressed. I like the way you allowed your muse to carry you into the outer limits as that shows tremendous creativity. Perhaps the thing to do is go back through and make sure that every word you use is absolutely necessary to the telling of the story as I think that is what the judges will be most focused on for this contest. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Oh my gosh, I truly don't know how to approach this one. In fact, I am typing this out hoping divine guidance will come to me before I finish. When I read the contest requirements it states that the story should be the bare bones with every bit of unnecessary verbiage scraped away - this has much that should be cut if I go strictly by the rules yet nobody else seems to have called that out at all in their reviews which leaves me perplexed. The concept of the story is very good and has potential even if only a framework is presented. I am skipping over the SPAG since that has already been addressed. I like the way you allowed your muse to carry you into the outer limits as that shows tremendous creativity. Perhaps the thing to do is go back through and make sure that every word you use is absolutely necessary to the telling of the story as I think that is what the judges will be most focused on for this contest. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello Mystic Angel 7777,
I appreciate you for your positive attitude.
As a matter of fact, it was my first attempt in this field i.e. the field of writing something in prose.
Thank you very much for your balanced, encouraging comments and Good Wishes.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
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Keep trying as Edgar Allen Poe was rejected many times before his short stories were published - he just kept adjusting them along the way and look how he turned our LOL.
Comment from PatVallesMangan
This was really enjoyable to read. It fits the genre well. We still wonder if it is a dream or is it "reality." You get us hooked. I just wonder about the "moving/revolving" use. Would it be better to change the wording and eliminate the slash? Maybe changing it to one word? Just a thought that hit me. However this works nicely just as it is. Good luck in the contest! Blessings! Pat
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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This was really enjoyable to read. It fits the genre well. We still wonder if it is a dream or is it "reality." You get us hooked. I just wonder about the "moving/revolving" use. Would it be better to change the wording and eliminate the slash? Maybe changing it to one word? Just a thought that hit me. However this works nicely just as it is. Good luck in the contest! Blessings! Pat
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello Pat,
Thank you very much for your lovely, encouraging comments, Excellent Rating and 'Good Luck' Wishes.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from c_lucas
Imagination can take us places where our physical bodies can never go. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Imagination can take us places where our physical bodies can never go. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello Friend,
Thank you very much for your lovely, encouraging comments and Excellent Rating.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
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You're welcome, RP. Charlie
Comment from livelylinda
RP: Please be prepared, brace yourself, because I am leaving polite behind. This is my honest response to this science fiction dribble - it reads like it was written by a 4th, 5th or 6th grade boy in 1960, who has just watched one of those really fake black and white TV movies of the time. The story is weak and non-believable, writing skills almost unbearable and events totally unbelievable. I love ya but this is one for the waste-basket. Having said that, just in case this is brilliant but I'm too stupid to notice, good luck in the contest! Hugs from Linda
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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RP: Please be prepared, brace yourself, because I am leaving polite behind. This is my honest response to this science fiction dribble - it reads like it was written by a 4th, 5th or 6th grade boy in 1960, who has just watched one of those really fake black and white TV movies of the time. The story is weak and non-believable, writing skills almost unbearable and events totally unbelievable. I love ya but this is one for the waste-basket. Having said that, just in case this is brilliant but I'm too stupid to notice, good luck in the contest! Hugs from Linda
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello Linda,
I always value your comments and appreciate you for your sincerity. I am not going to take ill of your words, but one thing I want to state that it's not 'science fiction.' I had written 'Author Notes' intentionally to avoid this impression.
As a matter of fact, it was my first attempt in this field i.e. the field of writing some thing in prose. I hope to perform better in times to come.
Thank you very much for your 'honest response' and Good Luck Wishes.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. A good entry for this contest. I have one suggestion:put line breaks between your paragraphs It is hard to read when it looks so dense(especially on screen0
I liked your idea and found it a clever read.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hi. A good entry for this contest. I have one suggestion:put line breaks between your paragraphs It is hard to read when it looks so dense(especially on screen0
I liked your idea and found it a clever read.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello Friend,
Thank you very much for your lovely, encouraging comments and Excellent Rating. I appreciate you for your good suggestion.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from adewpearl
funnel-shaped - add the hyphen
swooped down on me, and in - add comma
I love the disembodied voice and the surreal events
wonderful visuals
"Okay, " I said - add the comma
spontaneously the words passed - Spontaneously
effective contrasts in mood and a powerfully emotional closing
Brooke
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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funnel-shaped - add the hyphen
swooped down on me, and in - add comma
I love the disembodied voice and the surreal events
wonderful visuals
"Okay, " I said - add the comma
spontaneously the words passed - Spontaneously
effective contrasts in mood and a powerfully emotional closing
Brooke
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello Brooke,
Thank you very much for your lovely, encouraging comments and Excellent Rating.
I appreciate you for your good suggestions. I am glad you enjoyed it
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from TAB_that's me
I like where this flash fiction contest took you. In the first line: It was (a) pleasant summer evening. Good luck.
teresa
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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I like where this flash fiction contest took you. In the first line: It was (a) pleasant summer evening. Good luck.
teresa
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello Teresa,
Thank you very much for your lovely, encouraging comments, Excellent Rating and Good Luck Wishes.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from mjac777
This was an excellent read, Saxena. Very well written and believable (given the fantasy nature of the work)
This reminds me somewhat of people who have near death experiences.
To offset the dialogue, you may want to space the quotes.
Spag:
You fulfil this condition (fulfill)
Overall, well done and an enjoyable write.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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This was an excellent read, Saxena. Very well written and believable (given the fantasy nature of the work)
This reminds me somewhat of people who have near death experiences.
To offset the dialogue, you may want to space the quotes.
Spag:
You fulfil this condition (fulfill)
Overall, well done and an enjoyable write.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello Mjac,
Thank you very much for your lovely, encouraging comments and Excellent Rating. I appreciate you for your suggestions. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from Neonewman
What a great portrayal of an awesome dream! I find dreams to be a most inspirational domain. You have masterfully crafted this piece. God Bless!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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What a great portrayal of an awesome dream! I find dreams to be a most inspirational domain. You have masterfully crafted this piece. God Bless!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2014
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Hello Neonewman,
Thank you very much for your lovely, encouraging comments, Excellent Rating and Blessings.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
