haiku(Plato's Atlantis)
contest entry 5-7-51 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I have to stick with a good rating as Atlantis was a continent and not an island. You were closer with closer with the first attempt as at least it was a metaphor for an island.
I keep getting a six count in the last line which puts this over the syllable count requirements limit (a-li-en = 3, ab-duc-tion = 3). The message is awesome though so I hope you can fix this before voting begins. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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I have to stick with a good rating as Atlantis was a continent and not an island. You were closer with closer with the first attempt as at least it was a metaphor for an island.
I keep getting a six count in the last line which puts this over the syllable count requirements limit (a-li-en = 3, ab-duc-tion = 3). The message is awesome though so I hope you can fix this before voting begins. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much. I looked up the word alien. There were 2 ways it could be divided: al ien a li en. If I change it, will you review again?
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It would be my pleasure to review it again as I really like your entry.
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Thank you. I am working on it as I write this.
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I work really hard on my poems. I get really discouraged when I do not get many reviews. I do not have a lot of 'points' to promote my work. Thanks for your help and suggestions.
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I know you do so go back to the original and shave one syllable off the satori and you will have a great piece. This is about islands so Atlantis cannot be the primary theme.
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I am confused. H
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Please ignore that earlier reply. I hit the wrong button.
