The Night the Lights Went Out
story poem in rhyming couplets131 total reviews
Comment from Oatmeal
adewpearl,
Your arrangement looks very nice. Perfectly arranged & formatted. Good flowing. Understandable. Very descriptive and created impressions that are very vivid and understandable.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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adewpearl,
Your arrangement looks very nice. Perfectly arranged & formatted. Good flowing. Understandable. Very descriptive and created impressions that are very vivid and understandable.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Oatmeal :-) Brooke
Comment from Aussie
Wow! Wot a creepy presentation. Loved it. 'the night all the lights in the sky sputtered out,' loved that line. And ' I hid in a thicket, a cowardly deed, avoiding the crush of the panicked stamped.' Firstly, I thought you were writing about Halloween - then I realised no, you were writing about man's inhumanity to man. With all that is going on in the world - I would hide in a thicket too!!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Wow! Wot a creepy presentation. Loved it. 'the night all the lights in the sky sputtered out,' loved that line. And ' I hid in a thicket, a cowardly deed, avoiding the crush of the panicked stamped.' Firstly, I thought you were writing about Halloween - then I realised no, you were writing about man's inhumanity to man. With all that is going on in the world - I would hide in a thicket too!!
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Aussie, thanks so much my friend. Love all those stars :-) Brooke
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Well, I love your writing and you deserve the best. You have taught me a lot over the years. Not that I will ever be a clever poet, still, I enjoy talking to you! :-} XX
Comment from Janet Foor
I know that there is nothing in the dark that isn't there in the daylight but......I still leave on a night light... just in case. Great creepy, scary poem with creepy scary images just in time for Halloween. Perfect rhyming couplets and anapestic meter. Good use of alliteration and a delight to read.
Well done.
Janet
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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I know that there is nothing in the dark that isn't there in the daylight but......I still leave on a night light... just in case. Great creepy, scary poem with creepy scary images just in time for Halloween. Perfect rhyming couplets and anapestic meter. Good use of alliteration and a delight to read.
Well done.
Janet
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Janet, thank you so much, my generous friend :-) a night light? Really, I am not laughing, truly I'm not ;-) Brooke
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It's kind of a family joke. This is my second marriage. There have been many adjustments. He likes the TV on at night, I don't...I won. He likes a TV on in the bedroom, living room, den and kitchen...all with different shows playing. I don't. I won.
He likes lights on in every room at night. I don't. We compromised with (you guessed it)a night light. :-)
Comment from Joan E.
Your story was so compelling and its terror palpable--it transported to the time when man had no understanding of these events and felt the world was coming to an end. Your wonderful rhymed couplets in these rhythmic quatrains plus your use of alliteration added to the effect. Brava! -Joan
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Your story was so compelling and its terror palpable--it transported to the time when man had no understanding of these events and felt the world was coming to an end. Your wonderful rhymed couplets in these rhythmic quatrains plus your use of alliteration added to the effect. Brava! -Joan
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Thank you so very much, Joan, for your generous rating and insightful comments :-) Brooke
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My pleasure--I am glad I caught your tour-de-force on the way home. Smiles- Joan, from San Jose airport
Comment from GWHARGIS
Holy smoke, Girl! That was one frightening poem. Loved the build up and the minute by minute recount. The visions you described were creepy and quite wonderful. Loved the true adult horror in this one. You get my first six of the week. Gretchen
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Holy smoke, Girl! That was one frightening poem. Loved the build up and the minute by minute recount. The visions you described were creepy and quite wonderful. Loved the true adult horror in this one. You get my first six of the week. Gretchen
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Gretchen, thanks so much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Treischel
A tale of chilling horror well crafted to bring the dread and fear emotions to the forefront for display. Wonderful meter. Excellent alliteration, for example: disappeared/darkest, tell/terrified, shattered/silence/skies, light/left. Also the assonance in: none know who, terrified cries. All that in just the first stanza. The rest are equally good. The poem a perfect Halloween horror story.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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A tale of chilling horror well crafted to bring the dread and fear emotions to the forefront for display. Wonderful meter. Excellent alliteration, for example: disappeared/darkest, tell/terrified, shattered/silence/skies, light/left. Also the assonance in: none know who, terrified cries. All that in just the first stanza. The rest are equally good. The poem a perfect Halloween horror story.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Treischel, thank you so much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Dean Kuch
Wanna know a secret, Brooke? Okay, so it won't be too much of a secret any more after I tell you this, but who cares?
I read this two days ago, right after it was first posted. But, I didn't have any more six star ratings to hand out.
So, like a good serial killer does while patiently stalking his prey...
...I waited.
I waited until until my sixes were replenished so I could award this wonderfully dark poem the proper recognition it deserved.
You do darkness proud, Brooke.
There is nothing in the darkness that isn't there in the daylight. Okay, with the exception of the moon, longer shadows, and the stars, alright? It is mankind's own imagination and fear that often gets in the way of simply enjoying the peace and serenity the darkness offers us. No bogeymen, no lurking ghouls or demons roam around there. Maybe a possum, or a few nocturnal feeding snakes and spiders.
That's bad if your afraid of rodents, snakes and arachnids, I suppose...
I'm not going to go through and outline why I think this is so good. I think we both know why.
Bravo!
~Dean :}
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Wanna know a secret, Brooke? Okay, so it won't be too much of a secret any more after I tell you this, but who cares?
I read this two days ago, right after it was first posted. But, I didn't have any more six star ratings to hand out.
So, like a good serial killer does while patiently stalking his prey...
...I waited.
I waited until until my sixes were replenished so I could award this wonderfully dark poem the proper recognition it deserved.
You do darkness proud, Brooke.
There is nothing in the darkness that isn't there in the daylight. Okay, with the exception of the moon, longer shadows, and the stars, alright? It is mankind's own imagination and fear that often gets in the way of simply enjoying the peace and serenity the darkness offers us. No bogeymen, no lurking ghouls or demons roam around there. Maybe a possum, or a few nocturnal feeding snakes and spiders.
That's bad if your afraid of rodents, snakes and arachnids, I suppose...
I'm not going to go through and outline why I think this is so good. I think we both know why.
Bravo!
~Dean :}
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Dean, thank you so much, my friend. I truly appreciate your setting the poem aside for rating. What a lovely, generous gesture :-) I so appreciate your most supportive and insightful comments :-) Brooke
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Well, I told you a few days ago that I would love to see dark flow from your pen one day, remember? Now, whether what I'd said influenced you to write your poem or not, you still rose to the challenge in grand style and flair. It was my pleasure, Brooke. :}
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Thanks, Dean - this really isn't any darker than some of the October poems I've written in past years. I was quite pleased, however, with its message and the composition :-)
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I've only had the privilege of reading your work for the past two years, Brooke. I didn't come to FS until March of 2012, so I would have missed the others before then. I'll have to dig through your portfolio for past October poetry and see what sort of gems I can dig up, heh-heh...:}
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LOL
Comment from robina1978
The artwork is beautiful and complements your story poem very well. What happens in the night sounds very scary. You could have entered the contest with it.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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The artwork is beautiful and complements your story poem very well. What happens in the night sounds very scary. You could have entered the contest with it.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, Ine :-) Brooke
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Mass hysteria and panic is well depicted in this extra-scary poem, Brooke. I particularly like the premise that nothing happened to ignite the panic that couldn't be explained by normal cloud cover. It was all in the population's state of mind. Well done. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Mass hysteria and panic is well depicted in this extra-scary poem, Brooke. I particularly like the premise that nothing happened to ignite the panic that couldn't be explained by normal cloud cover. It was all in the population's state of mind. Well done. :) Nancy
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, Nancy, for your insightful reading of this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Pearl Edwards
What a creepy story, when the lights went out. You keep us tangled up in your web of corpses right through these verses until slowly one emerges from his hiding place. A great read Brooke, I enjoyed.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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What a creepy story, when the lights went out. You keep us tangled up in your web of corpses right through these verses until slowly one emerges from his hiding place. A great read Brooke, I enjoyed.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend :-) Brooke
