The Night the Lights Went Out
story poem in rhyming couplets131 total reviews
Comment from perpetualwallflower
Wow. This. Is . Amazing. It tells a magnificently horrific story and I love it. Its so dark, both literally and figuratively and it is written in beautifully rhyming couplets. You've done a truly wonderful job.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Wow. This. Is . Amazing. It tells a magnificently horrific story and I love it. Its so dark, both literally and figuratively and it is written in beautifully rhyming couplets. You've done a truly wonderful job.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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perpetualwallflower, thank you so much for your gracious and generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from ravenblack
Now that is what I call a change of pace. Truly chilling, particularly the strong trampling the weak becoming the weak trampled, the mass panic of lemmings drowning in despair. This is a night without hope, as if that nihilism that lurks in the hearts of those who go and fight for Islamic state took over the night and strangled the light. The monster of crushing hopelessness must be kept at bay.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Now that is what I call a change of pace. Truly chilling, particularly the strong trampling the weak becoming the weak trampled, the mass panic of lemmings drowning in despair. This is a night without hope, as if that nihilism that lurks in the hearts of those who go and fight for Islamic state took over the night and strangled the light. The monster of crushing hopelessness must be kept at bay.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, ravenblack, for your thoughtful reading of this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from RodG
Wow! This is certainly different from your usual poems, Brooke, and quite chilling. You really capture the mood of a dark, moonless night when light vanishes and people panic. Some excellent imagery of the dark setting and what this Speaker witnessed. Chilling without gore. Nicely done. Rod
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Wow! This is certainly different from your usual poems, Brooke, and quite chilling. You really capture the mood of a dark, moonless night when light vanishes and people panic. Some excellent imagery of the dark setting and what this Speaker witnessed. Chilling without gore. Nicely done. Rod
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, Rod - like Hitchcock, I don't think gore is where true horror is located :-) Brooke
Comment from Craigitar
A good seasonal write, Brooke. Though there are no monsters, vampires or skeletal things, this poem drips with horror, written with your usual solid rhythm and rhyme and well painted imagery. A pleasurable read as always.
Craig
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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A good seasonal write, Brooke. Though there are no monsters, vampires or skeletal things, this poem drips with horror, written with your usual solid rhythm and rhyme and well painted imagery. A pleasurable read as always.
Craig
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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Craig, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Delahay
If I'm not mistaken you are describing the panic response of people who do not understand what is happening during a lunar eclipse? I can imagine that could have been terrifying for people who had no idea what was going on. The moon they relied on for light at night disappeared and they could not know it would come back.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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If I'm not mistaken you are describing the panic response of people who do not understand what is happening during a lunar eclipse? I can imagine that could have been terrifying for people who had no idea what was going on. The moon they relied on for light at night disappeared and they could not know it would come back.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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WardHays, it could be an eclipse - what it is is not important, the irrational fear is :-) Brooke
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People frequently are afraid of what they don't understand. They should try to understand what they fear.
Comment from rama devi
Excellent storytelling style in poetic form,d ear B. Spooky and eerie. Great flow and rhyming, as usual, with lots of poetic devices deftly woven in (I know you know I noticed them all so will not list)....but I particularly loved reading this stanza aloud:
I hid in a thicket, a cowardly deed,
avoiding the crush of the panicked stampede
of those who seemed certain that only their flight
could save them from being consumed by the night.
Enjoyed this, even though spooky is not my thing. My hairs stood on end! LOL
Would have made a great entry for story in a poem contest!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Excellent storytelling style in poetic form,d ear B. Spooky and eerie. Great flow and rhyming, as usual, with lots of poetic devices deftly woven in (I know you know I noticed them all so will not list)....but I particularly loved reading this stanza aloud:
I hid in a thicket, a cowardly deed,
avoiding the crush of the panicked stampede
of those who seemed certain that only their flight
could save them from being consumed by the night.
Enjoyed this, even though spooky is not my thing. My hairs stood on end! LOL
Would have made a great entry for story in a poem contest!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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thanks so much, rama devi - this one is a bit more philosophical than just spooky - it is about those whose fear leads to their destruction - notice that the dark never actually does anything evil as they fear it's going to - it is just their panicked/fearful response to the dark that does them in :-) Brooke
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Yes--indeed, I did notice the philosophical overtones, which is why I resonated with this even though i usually do not gel with spooky. I enjoyed this one. :-)
Comment from Emily George
Spared to live with yourself, to be alone.
Truly a nightmare poem of darkness and terror.
The weak stumbled on by the strong and then the karma of returned favourite.
I enjoyed this poem it is very cleverly executed.
delightful and intricate rhyming pattern, presented in a eerie moonlit setting
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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Spared to live with yourself, to be alone.
Truly a nightmare poem of darkness and terror.
The weak stumbled on by the strong and then the karma of returned favourite.
I enjoyed this poem it is very cleverly executed.
delightful and intricate rhyming pattern, presented in a eerie moonlit setting
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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Emily, thank you so much for your gracious review :-) Brooke
Comment from livelylinda
Brooke: I really like this poem! It is more of an adult poem with the scary being the dark and people losing all their senses reacting poorly to the situation. Your rhythm and rhyme are flawless, the read smooth and easy. And, I was left asking questions like: who were these people? No one had any candles or flashlights to light their way? Why did they think they had to run? From what? It let my imagination join with yours to fill in the gaps. Good writing here. Linda
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Brooke: I really like this poem! It is more of an adult poem with the scary being the dark and people losing all their senses reacting poorly to the situation. Your rhythm and rhyme are flawless, the read smooth and easy. And, I was left asking questions like: who were these people? No one had any candles or flashlights to light their way? Why did they think they had to run? From what? It let my imagination join with yours to fill in the gaps. Good writing here. Linda
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Linda, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from donaldww
This narrative poem tells the story of "The Night the Lights Went Out." Could this be a Byronized version of the Northeast blackout of 2003?
The catalectic anapaestic lines (11 syllables) work well in telling this dark story of innocent slaughter, when "nothing but bodies were piled on the path."
One suggestion: you might consider dropping "when" in the last line, both for continuity from the previous line, and added emphasis due to the metric variation.
The poem is full of dystopian imagery: "faces contorted," "panicked stampede," "slaughter," -- just the kind of future horror show people envision in their minds when the seas rise, industrial smoke dominates the sky, and the power goes out everywhere.
Excellent poem!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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This narrative poem tells the story of "The Night the Lights Went Out." Could this be a Byronized version of the Northeast blackout of 2003?
The catalectic anapaestic lines (11 syllables) work well in telling this dark story of innocent slaughter, when "nothing but bodies were piled on the path."
One suggestion: you might consider dropping "when" in the last line, both for continuity from the previous line, and added emphasis due to the metric variation.
The poem is full of dystopian imagery: "faces contorted," "panicked stampede," "slaughter," -- just the kind of future horror show people envision in their minds when the seas rise, industrial smoke dominates the sky, and the power goes out everywhere.
Excellent poem!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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Donald, thank you so very much for your generous and encouraging response to this poem
I will take a look at the last line in light of your comment :-) Brooke
Comment from Peter@Poole
Forgive me, Brooke, for seeming not to have troubled too analyze this magnificent poem, but I've not missed any of your familiar poetic devices, conferring a lovely rhythm upon the developing story. I hope to be back on site quite soon, and then resume the study and attempted emulation of your work. Like Robert Browning, I believe that "a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for." It's good to read you again. Peter
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Forgive me, Brooke, for seeming not to have troubled too analyze this magnificent poem, but I've not missed any of your familiar poetic devices, conferring a lovely rhythm upon the developing story. I hope to be back on site quite soon, and then resume the study and attempted emulation of your work. Like Robert Browning, I believe that "a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for." It's good to read you again. Peter
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Peter, how lovely to hear from you and better yet, how great to hear you plan to come back to the site in a more active way :-)
Thank you so much, my friend, for your generous rating and your extremely gracious comments :-) Brooke
