Comment from thee-name

Excellent

Excellent poem. Good choice of words.
THE MORTICIAN WAS BUSY, SO INTO HIS WORK
THE NOISES HE HEARD MADE HIM TURN INTO A JERK

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

Thanks, thee-name. Did I write "made him turn into a jerk", LOL??? Oh well, even if I didn't, what happened to the poor guy most probably did...

Thanks! :D

reply by thee-name on 25-Oct-2014

THANK YOU!

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

Dean, another very well-crafted poem with a horror theme. I'm really impressed at how well you know and utilize the basic good tools of writing an effective poem. Your author's notes gave me an added chill, as well. How truly bizarre!

:) Bev

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

Thanks so much, Bev. But, you say there were author's notes? I originally posted the poem with author's notes, that's true, but thought I'd deleted them as they are against the contest rules. I hope they're no longer showing up, or I'm in BIG TROUBLE, LOL!

Thanks so much, again. :}

reply by Writingfundimension on 25-Oct-2014

Hi, Dean. It was a story about where the poem came from, a real-life event involving a group of 'clowns'. Sorry if I caused you any problems!

:) Bev

reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

Oh no, it didn't cause me any problems at all, Bev. I got rid of the author's notes, so I should be good. You must have read it before I deleted them, that's all. ;}

reply by Writingfundimension on 25-Oct-2014

You bring up an interesting point, Dean. Sometimes, people review something of mine from a post in their message box, and it doesn't have the edits in it. I can tell by the things they mention that I've already changed. Anyway, glad it got taken care of. :)) Bev

Comment from Mystic Angel 7777

Exceptional

This is wonderfully done and exceeds the contest requirements as you have delivered an experience rather than just a read. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

Thanks so much, Monica. I'm happy you enjoyed reading this crazy thing, LOL! It sure was a lot of fun putting it all together and like yourself, I hope people will get a kick out of it.

I'm very grateful for your encouragement and those lovely six stars.

Thanks again! :}

Comment from Wendyanne

Excellent

Lol this is awesome Dean. I enjoyed it very much and, as always, the poem shows your poetic prowess. You have presented it very well too. Good luck.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

Thanks a bunch, Wendyanne. I'm really happy that you enjoyed it. :}

Comment from Caressa_08

Excellent

I like that song, Abra Cadaver of 1972 & too, the old-time m magician saying this before his trick was exposed , with his wand in hand & that special, mystery cloth & somtimes, a rabbit appeared..Though, this is a different, clever twist to the that of a bunch of corpses, cadavers, dancing on top of their slabs....Very creative thinking, I must admit.

Best Wishes for Your Entry...Caressa.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

You mean the song by the band Electric Light Orchestra (ELO), called "Abra Cadabra", right, Caressa? Yeah, my title is a play on that old magician's idiom and that song title. And you're absolutely correct, it is much different, LOL.

Thanks for the review.

Comment from Benny Beeharry

Excellent

Macabre, this the way I can describe this writing.
But the most important this is that it succeeds in bring ing out the horroe and the terror amd this is where i like it.
Well done.
Benny Neeharry

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

Thanks so much, Benny. I am really happy that you enjoyed the poem. :}

Comment from flamingstar

Excellent

Wickedly good presentation. I think your rhythm is off in a few spots (or felt that way as I read) but these are tough. I made mine real simple because I kept screwing it up. We'll have to defer to the experts!

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

Yep, you got that right, flamingstar. I know about as much on the true mechanics of poetry as I do about building a nuclear bomb, LOL... But, I have made some changes, and I hope it reads much more smoothly now.

Thanks again! :}

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

This is yet another interesting poem that the author has created with this piece of work. This is another gruesome tale from the crypt and I love it. Well done yet again.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

Thanks so much for your supportive comments and review, Tomes. it's always a pleasure, my friend. :}

reply by Tomes Johnston on 25-Oct-2014

It was my pleasure

Comment from IndianaIrish

Excellent

Dean, your presentation is wonderful and I love the imagery of bodies dancing on their slabs. Of course, Thriller was the music I heard.

I've tried writing this form and I have some questions about some of your lines. From the directions, I believe the lines that start with two unstressed syllables da da DUM have twelve syllables total. The catalexis lines which Begin the line with one unstressed syllable should have eleven syllables. Some of yours, like V3L1, should be eleven. Also, Merrium-Webster puts the stress on the first syllable--'ev-ery-thing, and that throws off the meter in the two lines. I'm not an expert in this form, Dean, so I would ask the contest sponsor. I know I always have to look up where the stress is because my ears fool me. I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but I really thought the catalexis lines should be eleven syllables. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

Thanks, Indy, and I never take constructive criticism in the wrong way. I'll admit, I'm no expert when it comes to the mechanics of poetry, the nitty-gritty of what makes it tick. I only know what I think sounds good, and flows well. That being said, I appreciate you taking the time to point out the flaws you saw in the meter, and I've made some changes based on your suggestions.

Thanks so much again!

Comment from Emily George

Excellent

I love the rhyme and it's funky flow, you could dance to that.
The corpses obviously no the moves. Your like rhyming is superb.
The font display is delightfully gruesome.
I gather he went insane , but did he kill them too.
All I can say is Tom Petty eat your heart out do you know his son zombie zoo.It kind of has the same vibes.
Sorry have no sixes.Em.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014

No sixes are necessary, Em, not as long as you were entertained and enjoyed the poem. That's what truly matters.

Thanks so much for your complimentary review and kind comments. :}