Abra Cadaver
Who needs Dancing with the Stars?141 total reviews
Comment from Robin Gilmor
A simply marvelous verse. Great use of descriptive vocabulary and fright nite
antics. Clever and enjoyable. You certainly have a gift for this sort of
subject. I loved it. Smiles, Robin :)
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A simply marvelous verse. Great use of descriptive vocabulary and fright nite
antics. Clever and enjoyable. You certainly have a gift for this sort of
subject. I loved it. Smiles, Robin :)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
Comment from drivenbackward
This is one of your best, Dean. This really is brilliant. Love it! You get my last six star for the week.
Great title! Awesome and fitting layout.
'He stood there'
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This is one of your best, Dean. This really is brilliant. Love it! You get my last six star for the week.
Great title! Awesome and fitting layout.
'He stood there'
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
Comment from skye
Concise, with appropriate horror and ghoulish actions, and a surprise ending.
Love the lines, the imagery, and the creativity of your poem.
Excellent. Great art.
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Concise, with appropriate horror and ghoulish actions, and a surprise ending.
Love the lines, the imagery, and the creativity of your poem.
Excellent. Great art.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
Comment from Spitfire
Clever title and nice presentation. This creates a humorous picture to me, but I'd scream too were I the mortician. Of course, he's in a strait jacket. Who would believe his story.
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Clever title and nice presentation. This creates a humorous picture to me, but I'd scream too were I the mortician. Of course, he's in a strait jacket. Who would believe his story.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Dean,
Anapestic tetrameter isn't easy to write. I love your presentation, as always. I wish I had your talent.
This is a great poem for Halloween, and I wish you well in the contest.
Love the play on words in your title, "Abra Cadaver", for the well known "Abracadabra"!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the meter seemed to fail in a few lines, OR the accented syllables fell on a minor word.
"You can't all be dancing, you're supposed to be dead!"
How about,
(You can't all be dancing, you're s'posed to be dead!)
and here,
"After the corpses were back under their sheets"
How about,
(Soon after the corpses returned to their sheets)
and here,
"the doc flew out the door and into the streets"
How about,
(the terrorized doctor flew into the streets)
and here,
"The cops picked him up babbling on Main Street and Vine"
How about,
(The cops found him babbling on Main Street and Vine)
I hope this helps to fine tune your entry.
cheers
Kimbob
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Hi Dean,
Anapestic tetrameter isn't easy to write. I love your presentation, as always. I wish I had your talent.
This is a great poem for Halloween, and I wish you well in the contest.
Love the play on words in your title, "Abra Cadaver", for the well known "Abracadabra"!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the meter seemed to fail in a few lines, OR the accented syllables fell on a minor word.
"You can't all be dancing, you're supposed to be dead!"
How about,
(You can't all be dancing, you're s'posed to be dead!)
and here,
"After the corpses were back under their sheets"
How about,
(Soon after the corpses returned to their sheets)
and here,
"the doc flew out the door and into the streets"
How about,
(the terrorized doctor flew into the streets)
and here,
"The cops picked him up babbling on Main Street and Vine"
How about,
(The cops found him babbling on Main Street and Vine)
I hope this helps to fine tune your entry.
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
Comment from acerisestory
Hello Dean -- I have no choice but to give you yet one more of my coveted sixes! This is really a wonderfully written poem, and I'm sure you've stayed perfectly within the confines of the prompt.
This is one of those poems that's fun to read out loud. I particularly like these two lines:
"All the corpses were dancing on top of their slabs,
just breaking and smashing the stuff in the labs."
Your rhyming is well done, and the story is just plain fun. This is a fabulous entry for the contest and has a great chance of winning, I think! Alana
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Hello Dean -- I have no choice but to give you yet one more of my coveted sixes! This is really a wonderfully written poem, and I'm sure you've stayed perfectly within the confines of the prompt.
This is one of those poems that's fun to read out loud. I particularly like these two lines:
"All the corpses were dancing on top of their slabs,
just breaking and smashing the stuff in the labs."
Your rhyming is well done, and the story is just plain fun. This is a fabulous entry for the contest and has a great chance of winning, I think! Alana
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
That's a lilting macabre singsongy little witty tune there & it goes well, however, musically I stumbled on the next to the last sentence. Will need to do some mental work there for it reads well. Good luck in the contest.
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That's a lilting macabre singsongy little witty tune there & it goes well, however, musically I stumbled on the next to the last sentence. Will need to do some mental work there for it reads well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
Comment from Dawn Munro
I'm not quite sure this meets the requirements for anapestic meter, but I AM quite sure I LOVED it! I have a big grin on my face right now (and I am impressed by any poet that even attempts writing for this contest. *Grin*) And presentation - WOW!
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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I'm not quite sure this meets the requirements for anapestic meter, but I AM quite sure I LOVED it! I have a big grin on my face right now (and I am impressed by any poet that even attempts writing for this contest. *Grin*) And presentation - WOW!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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Well, it's went through about a hundred changes, incorporating suggestions from many different reviewers, and I've been told by a few experienced poets that it is, so... I certainly hope so. I emulated the rhythm from "Twas the Night before Christmas", so I hope I was successful. I've looked at stress checkers, and dictionaries, English and grammar websites...you name it, I've looked it up, LOL!
Thanks for your supportive review, Dawn. I'm sincerely glad that you liked it. :}
Comment from rod007
This is absolutely wonderful. The corpses have a lot to answer for, they're are not only interested in scaring him but they threw him into an asylum. Perhaps his fate would have been better if they'd swallowed him whole. Just a thought. Well done, Dean.
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This is absolutely wonderful. The corpses have a lot to answer for, they're are not only interested in scaring him but they threw him into an asylum. Perhaps his fate would have been better if they'd swallowed him whole. Just a thought. Well done, Dean.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
Comment from Louise Michelle
That poor mortician, I guess the cops thought he was mad. He shouldn't have gotten so scared and ran out the door. Nothing wrong with these spooks you have created, they just have a good sense of rhythm. It's not like they ate his face or something like that, lol. A fun one, Dean. Hugs, Lou
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That poor mortician, I guess the cops thought he was mad. He shouldn't have gotten so scared and ran out the door. Nothing wrong with these spooks you have created, they just have a good sense of rhythm. It's not like they ate his face or something like that, lol. A fun one, Dean. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
