Addiction
Real world ask for help26 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
I enjoyed your piece. Those of us who have addiction in our families have learned there is help out there for us as well as the addicted person. I'm sure you've explored your options along these lines. It's the addicted person, himself/herself who must want to turn his/her life around. If he/she does not, there is not a darn thing we can do about it--except to be supportive without being an enabler. God bless.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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I enjoyed your piece. Those of us who have addiction in our families have learned there is help out there for us as well as the addicted person. I'm sure you've explored your options along these lines. It's the addicted person, himself/herself who must want to turn his/her life around. If he/she does not, there is not a darn thing we can do about it--except to be supportive without being an enabler. God bless.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. My wife and I have done all sort of homework, but at the end of the day, it is the addicted person who has to change. Regards, Bill
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I agree 100%.
Comment from dennis0530
As the author says, "addiction is a disease, not a choice."
By however, it started, it was a choice. Now the son has a choice; he can choose to change and be changed. About time he owns up his shortcomings and do something about it.
Parents try their utmost to help out their children to the best of what they can do. But sometimes frustration and a feeling of helplessness overcomes the best intentions.
In the meantime that the parents watch in the sidelines to offer what help they can, the main burden is on the son.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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As the author says, "addiction is a disease, not a choice."
By however, it started, it was a choice. Now the son has a choice; he can choose to change and be changed. About time he owns up his shortcomings and do something about it.
Parents try their utmost to help out their children to the best of what they can do. But sometimes frustration and a feeling of helplessness overcomes the best intentions.
In the meantime that the parents watch in the sidelines to offer what help they can, the main burden is on the son.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thanks for reading Dennis and for your kind feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Bill. I feel for you and yours because I have had the very same problem which has a way of tearing married couples apart if you let it. I can tell by this writing that you are in the same "bag" we were...and believe me....you are doing the right thing now."Enabling" is the natural thing for parents to do....what else, my God. But as you have decided ...nobody can change things but the boy...trust me, Bill. I am 76...been around the block a few times. Bless you and yours...I wish you the best.
On another note. My novel "Fatal Beauty" will be released on February 26, 2015. Look for it on eithe rAmazon or Barnes and Noble or other bookstores. Take care and God bless. Bob
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Hi, Bill. I feel for you and yours because I have had the very same problem which has a way of tearing married couples apart if you let it. I can tell by this writing that you are in the same "bag" we were...and believe me....you are doing the right thing now."Enabling" is the natural thing for parents to do....what else, my God. But as you have decided ...nobody can change things but the boy...trust me, Bill. I am 76...been around the block a few times. Bless you and yours...I wish you the best.
On another note. My novel "Fatal Beauty" will be released on February 26, 2015. Look for it on eithe rAmazon or Barnes and Noble or other bookstores. Take care and God bless. Bob
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Hi Bob - thanks for your kind and generous feedback. I can say that my wife and I are together on this one, so that helps. Great news on your book. I'll be on the lookout. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from jmdg1954
Bill, I commend you got stepping forward and sharing something so personal with us here on FS. Forget a review from me. I'm a father, husband and a recovering person who had an addiction at one time which caused me to go to prison for 17 months. I embezzled money and gambled it away in the stock market. Both aspects were a thrill. Lets leave it at that.
I had no one who looked for me best interest. I was virtually on my own. Parents, wife and children for there own reasons didn't want to do with me.
I'm not sure prison is the answer for your son. The answer is you bring there for him in any way possible as his dad, father and friend. Each of those three people (dad, father, friend) will offer him guidance and strength differently which he can build upon.
My prayers are with you my friend! John
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Bill, I commend you got stepping forward and sharing something so personal with us here on FS. Forget a review from me. I'm a father, husband and a recovering person who had an addiction at one time which caused me to go to prison for 17 months. I embezzled money and gambled it away in the stock market. Both aspects were a thrill. Lets leave it at that.
I had no one who looked for me best interest. I was virtually on my own. Parents, wife and children for there own reasons didn't want to do with me.
I'm not sure prison is the answer for your son. The answer is you bring there for him in any way possible as his dad, father and friend. Each of those three people (dad, father, friend) will offer him guidance and strength differently which he can build upon.
My prayers are with you my friend! John
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thanks for reading John and for your insightful review. I agree that prison is not the answer. We're working on my son now to realize that he "owns" the lawyer fees. If we help, we expect a written plan on how he intends to pay back. Regards, Bill
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this post in and including it in the contest. I have been there with one of my sons. It's hard. Jeff is drug free and a good father and husband. He has his own business and it's doing well. All I could do is love him through it and pray for him. It was more difficult for my husband, his father. It was something Jeff had to do for himself.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thank you for sharing this post in and including it in the contest. I have been there with one of my sons. It's hard. Jeff is drug free and a good father and husband. He has his own business and it's doing well. All I could do is love him through it and pray for him. It was more difficult for my husband, his father. It was something Jeff had to do for himself.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thanks for reading Barbara and your kind review. I have another son who was given pain pills legitimately, but become addicted. Also had a problem with alcohol. He has done just fine as well. Prayer does help! Bill
Comment from Judy Couch
Don't be sorry that your story is a downer. It's realistic. It's well written. It shows that you are human and that your family isn't perfect. None of your readers are perfect either.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Don't be sorry that your story is a downer. It's realistic. It's well written. It shows that you are human and that your family isn't perfect. None of your readers are perfect either.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Thanks for reading Judy and for your kind feedback. I appreciate both! Bill
Comment from Loren (7)
First of all, I've offered a prayer in your behalf of you and your family. In my Christian belief, there is only one answer and that is calling on God for help and then allowing the Holy Spirit to direct you as to what should or should not be done. He will whisper in you ear: go this way or that. We cannot, as much as we'd like, make choices for others. As much as we have our free will, so do they. The only exception of course, is where they are unable to make wise choices (due to mental/physical/emotional circumstances). It is then we need to step in and become the caregivers we are meant (called) to be. There is a saying, to those given much, much is expected. It can, at first, be seen as a burden, carrying for and taking responsibility for an other's "issues". But then we must remembered there, but for the grace of God, go I. Pray for wisdom and strength. The serenity prayer of AA is a good place to start for both the addicted and those who love them. Loren
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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First of all, I've offered a prayer in your behalf of you and your family. In my Christian belief, there is only one answer and that is calling on God for help and then allowing the Holy Spirit to direct you as to what should or should not be done. He will whisper in you ear: go this way or that. We cannot, as much as we'd like, make choices for others. As much as we have our free will, so do they. The only exception of course, is where they are unable to make wise choices (due to mental/physical/emotional circumstances). It is then we need to step in and become the caregivers we are meant (called) to be. There is a saying, to those given much, much is expected. It can, at first, be seen as a burden, carrying for and taking responsibility for an other's "issues". But then we must remembered there, but for the grace of God, go I. Pray for wisdom and strength. The serenity prayer of AA is a good place to start for both the addicted and those who love them. Loren
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Thanks for reading Loren and special thanks for the prayer. My wife and I both are Lay Eucharistic Ministers with the Episcopal Church. When I pray, one of my active prayers is that I so much wish we had included our children more in worship. We didn't. Regret so much now. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from JW
You are correct that this story is very different from what your normally write.
In reading the story told - I'm glad I am not in your shoes.
Tuff love is hard to enforce. Unfortunately, many times that is the only productive option.
That said, I do have to admit that I'm not sure jail/prison is a good option for anyone. It usually does not provide the help one really needs/ and many usually come out worse than what they were before entering.
Good luck with whatever course of action you take, and thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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You are correct that this story is very different from what your normally write.
In reading the story told - I'm glad I am not in your shoes.
Tuff love is hard to enforce. Unfortunately, many times that is the only productive option.
That said, I do have to admit that I'm not sure jail/prison is a good option for anyone. It usually does not provide the help one really needs/ and many usually come out worse than what they were before entering.
Good luck with whatever course of action you take, and thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both! Bill
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Bill, you've come to the 'only' solution by experienced evolution. There's nothing you can or should do other than stand back and let the consequences fall into place. Endorsing your unconditional love is both the right thing and a brave thing to do. The child will be very angry and as usual will throw blame and accusations in your face. After all, you have the means to 'fix' his situation, but as you know, you can't fix the man.
No doubt there are grandchildren involved and this makes everything worse and harder for you to stop enabling this behaviour, but still in your heart you know you must stay firm. Do what ever you can for the kids--it's not their fault either. Especially try to spend time with them--invite them to your home for a week, even if that includes a daughter-in-law.
Most of all be good to yourself and try to stop blaming yourself for what you might have done differently.
As a piece of writing, I'd remove the last paragraph from the essay and put it into author's notes. ingrid
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Bill, you've come to the 'only' solution by experienced evolution. There's nothing you can or should do other than stand back and let the consequences fall into place. Endorsing your unconditional love is both the right thing and a brave thing to do. The child will be very angry and as usual will throw blame and accusations in your face. After all, you have the means to 'fix' his situation, but as you know, you can't fix the man.
No doubt there are grandchildren involved and this makes everything worse and harder for you to stop enabling this behaviour, but still in your heart you know you must stay firm. Do what ever you can for the kids--it's not their fault either. Especially try to spend time with them--invite them to your home for a week, even if that includes a daughter-in-law.
Most of all be good to yourself and try to stop blaming yourself for what you might have done differently.
As a piece of writing, I'd remove the last paragraph from the essay and put it into author's notes. ingrid
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Thanks Ingrid - for reading and for being a cyber-friend. I like your suggestion and will make that change. Bill
Comment from Sasha
First thing first, lets get the silly stuff out of the way:
Spag:
true for an someone in his mid-thirties...drop the 'an' after 'for'...
Now, for my review. I was once an addict and an alcoholic. Just like your son, and for reason I will not go into at this time, I too was a child of low self-esteem, lack of discipline, poor money management, and immaturity. I often reached out to my family for help but our relationship was different and they seldom offered any assistance. That is where my manipulation reached its peak.
Many family's enable and are unaware of the harm they are doing. The decision you are making is difficult, to say the least, but it is being done out of sincerely love and concern. It is also a necessity. If possible, you need to talk to his lawyer, or if you have the opportunity to speak in court, ask the judge to be sure to include a drug rehab program for your son while he is incarcerated. Most likely you son will be very upset with you and even not want to talk to you. But you must be strong, for his sake. Don't stop trying to communicate with him. Hopefully, he will come around and realize what you have done out of love. My thoughts and prayers are with you as I know personally what a sad and difficult time this is for all of you. You must be strong and do what you know is right. Your son's life depends on this. Bless you and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I wanted to give you a 6 for this but I a out...sorry.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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First thing first, lets get the silly stuff out of the way:
Spag:
true for an someone in his mid-thirties...drop the 'an' after 'for'...
Now, for my review. I was once an addict and an alcoholic. Just like your son, and for reason I will not go into at this time, I too was a child of low self-esteem, lack of discipline, poor money management, and immaturity. I often reached out to my family for help but our relationship was different and they seldom offered any assistance. That is where my manipulation reached its peak.
Many family's enable and are unaware of the harm they are doing. The decision you are making is difficult, to say the least, but it is being done out of sincerely love and concern. It is also a necessity. If possible, you need to talk to his lawyer, or if you have the opportunity to speak in court, ask the judge to be sure to include a drug rehab program for your son while he is incarcerated. Most likely you son will be very upset with you and even not want to talk to you. But you must be strong, for his sake. Don't stop trying to communicate with him. Hopefully, he will come around and realize what you have done out of love. My thoughts and prayers are with you as I know personally what a sad and difficult time this is for all of you. You must be strong and do what you know is right. Your son's life depends on this. Bless you and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I wanted to give you a 6 for this but I a out...sorry.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Thanks for reading Sasha and your kind comments. I'm proud that you are a friend, even a cyber-one. Always warm regards, Bill
