Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "North and South"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
31 total reviews
Comment from emrpoems
excellent story plan and development
Good character development
Very descriptive language and a lot of imagination
love the suspense
Held my attention throughout
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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excellent story plan and development
Good character development
Very descriptive language and a lot of imagination
love the suspense
Held my attention throughout
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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the you,emrpoems.
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I meant to write, thank you, emrpoems.
Comment from JackiO
Very interesting read.
Gets those imaginative juices flowing.
I have my doubts about Dex and River resolving their issues, killing infants is terrible.
I haven't read the other chapters but I am sure they are as intriguing and well written.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Very interesting read.
Gets those imaginative juices flowing.
I have my doubts about Dex and River resolving their issues, killing infants is terrible.
I haven't read the other chapters but I am sure they are as intriguing and well written.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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thank you very much, Jack0. check out the other stories.
Comment from PatVallesMangan
I have had the opportunity to read another chapter form this author's work. So perhaps now there is a cure? Is there a way to stop these infant killings with a spell? The intrigue is building and I can stay afloat here, tho' I have not read the rest. Definitely thought provoking and it sure keeps your interest! The author notes are a great help! Well done! Blessings! ~ Pat
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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I have had the opportunity to read another chapter form this author's work. So perhaps now there is a cure? Is there a way to stop these infant killings with a spell? The intrigue is building and I can stay afloat here, tho' I have not read the rest. Definitely thought provoking and it sure keeps your interest! The author notes are a great help! Well done! Blessings! ~ Pat
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Pat. Stay tuned.
Comment from lindalcreel
I love that there is a spell which might stop the killings, but whether the rest of the group is going to believe it, is another matter. It would be nice for the brothers to get back together, but I'm thinking too much killing has passed between them and they may never be close again. I'm sure River will fight to defend his family, but he still has to deal with the guilt of killing his own sons. Maybe there will be a son in his future and that will prove to Dex he is telling the truth.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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I love that there is a spell which might stop the killings, but whether the rest of the group is going to believe it, is another matter. It would be nice for the brothers to get back together, but I'm thinking too much killing has passed between them and they may never be close again. I'm sure River will fight to defend his family, but he still has to deal with the guilt of killing his own sons. Maybe there will be a son in his future and that will prove to Dex he is telling the truth.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, lindalcreel. I'm trying to bring some clarity to the characters, hoping that readers will start liking some of them. And thanks for all the stars.
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My pleasure:)
Comment from Jay Squires
Great chapter, Ama, full of suspense and action, well paced, good strong dialogue.
I'm sorry for the TEMPORARY deduction of a star. I have to do it to be consistent with my personal guidelines of 4 SPAGS Maximum. However, when you let me know you've made the corrections, I'll happily return the purloined star.
You are such a gifted writer, that it pains me to buckle under my self-imposed rules.
Here they are below (Only SPAG, not suggestions):
Everyone acted polite, sticking to talks of the weather [I don't see why it should be "talks". Even though it could be a medley of subjects it would still be TALK of them.]
odd looking people were seated [ODD-LOOKING people >> hyphenate unless they were odd and they were looking people]
"What do you want, uncle River?" [Uncle River...]
"Dex." River said, nodding. [Need a comma after "Dex" instead of a period.]
"Dex." River said, looking to him [Same as above.]
He'd had thought Dex would be happy; [He'd HAVE thought...]
How once when they were young boys had disobeyed their father, [This is an oddly constructed sentence, Ama. If I understand its intent you need a "they" before "had disobeyed".]
Love your storyline, Ama. Let me know when you've corrected the SPAG.
Jay
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Here you go, Ama!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Great chapter, Ama, full of suspense and action, well paced, good strong dialogue.
I'm sorry for the TEMPORARY deduction of a star. I have to do it to be consistent with my personal guidelines of 4 SPAGS Maximum. However, when you let me know you've made the corrections, I'll happily return the purloined star.
You are such a gifted writer, that it pains me to buckle under my self-imposed rules.
Here they are below (Only SPAG, not suggestions):
Everyone acted polite, sticking to talks of the weather [I don't see why it should be "talks". Even though it could be a medley of subjects it would still be TALK of them.]
odd looking people were seated [ODD-LOOKING people >> hyphenate unless they were odd and they were looking people]
"What do you want, uncle River?" [Uncle River...]
"Dex." River said, nodding. [Need a comma after "Dex" instead of a period.]
"Dex." River said, looking to him [Same as above.]
He'd had thought Dex would be happy; [He'd HAVE thought...]
How once when they were young boys had disobeyed their father, [This is an oddly constructed sentence, Ama. If I understand its intent you need a "they" before "had disobeyed".]
Love your storyline, Ama. Let me know when you've corrected the SPAG.
Jay
***********************************************************
Here you go, Ama!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Jay. I made the corrections, but I am seriously thinking I should scrap some of the first part of this story. And go right to introducing Beatrice and letting it take off quickly to the strange library.
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Well, if the Grand daughter and her mom and dad don't play into the plot I would agree. The real thrust begins with Beatrice's discovery and of the brothers in the final scene. I'll go back and give you back the star. Thanks for your understanding of that!
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Tell me what you think of the new beginning scene. Don't have to read the whole thing again, just the beginning paragraph and how it fit with Jewel's phone call.
Comment from Neonewman
You have delivered another wonderfully crafted piece here Amahra. Compelling, captivating, intriguing, I could go on. Thank you for sharing and I will look forward to more. God Bless!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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You have delivered another wonderfully crafted piece here Amahra. Compelling, captivating, intriguing, I could go on. Thank you for sharing and I will look forward to more. God Bless!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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thank you.
Comment from royowen
It seems a terrible shame that the two brothers can't be friends and who's to say who's right, River for following the law or Dex who's isn't. I know what I'd do! Great tale, a great storyline, one can't help but make an opinion, believable characters, well Designed and composed, absorbing and readable! Well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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It seems a terrible shame that the two brothers can't be friends and who's to say who's right, River for following the law or Dex who's isn't. I know what I'd do! Great tale, a great storyline, one can't help but make an opinion, believable characters, well Designed and composed, absorbing and readable! Well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thank you, roy.
Comment from c_lucas
This is one of the better dark novels that I have read in a long time. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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This is one of the better dark novels that I have read in a long time. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Charlie.
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You're welcome, Amahra. Charlie
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, amahra, you did an excellent job writh this chapter, I never thought I would get into a fantasy story but this has drawn me into it....
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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this is an excellent write, amahra, you did an excellent job writh this chapter, I never thought I would get into a fantasy story but this has drawn me into it....
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thank you, sweetwoodjax.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
You progress forward with the story very well. I like how you do not overload the reader trying to put too much information into a chapter all at once - you add just enough to the story with each installment which makes it easy to follow AND increases the anticipation as to what may happen next. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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You progress forward with the story very well. I like how you do not overload the reader trying to put too much information into a chapter all at once - you add just enough to the story with each installment which makes it easy to follow AND increases the anticipation as to what may happen next. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Mystic.
