Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "North and South"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
31 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Old habits die hard and I can see why Dex is unwilling to make amends with River. What a supreme sacrifice to kill multiple male heirs.
I t would be wonderful if Jewel's potion really worked. I fear a lot of ugliness may yet come before compromise, forgiveness and renewal occurs.
I am in awe of the intricacies of supernatural fiction.
The story is focused and clear and quite readable and interesting.
"-) Shirley
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2015
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Old habits die hard and I can see why Dex is unwilling to make amends with River. What a supreme sacrifice to kill multiple male heirs.
I t would be wonderful if Jewel's potion really worked. I fear a lot of ugliness may yet come before compromise, forgiveness and renewal occurs.
I am in awe of the intricacies of supernatural fiction.
The story is focused and clear and quite readable and interesting.
"-) Shirley
Comment Written 02-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2015
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Wow, I see you really are interested in the earlier chapters. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Comment from FJTrickster
You've really gotten me into these characters fast. Granted. I'm with Dex and Matt on this whole situation. If living with this curse is so bad that you have to resort to child killing I have two better solutions. 1) DON'T HAVE KIDS (you morons) 2) if it sucks so bad why not kill yourself and stop it there instead of creating and destroying new life? I really want to give River and the rest a good long talking to. A clear sign that I'm way too into this story in the first place.
Anyway sorry for going all fan girl on you. I'm having loads of fun with this. I have no idea where his is going but I look forward to every page.
By the way you forgot the starting quotation mark in that back and for bit of dialogue in at the start of the scene with River. minor point but thought you should know.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2014
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You've really gotten me into these characters fast. Granted. I'm with Dex and Matt on this whole situation. If living with this curse is so bad that you have to resort to child killing I have two better solutions. 1) DON'T HAVE KIDS (you morons) 2) if it sucks so bad why not kill yourself and stop it there instead of creating and destroying new life? I really want to give River and the rest a good long talking to. A clear sign that I'm way too into this story in the first place.
Anyway sorry for going all fan girl on you. I'm having loads of fun with this. I have no idea where his is going but I look forward to every page.
By the way you forgot the starting quotation mark in that back and for bit of dialogue in at the start of the scene with River. minor point but thought you should know.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2014
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Thank you, FJ. I wish all my readers and fans of this story were as enthusiastic as you are. I'm really flattered.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
So the sorrow of this law has reached the family of brothers. I wondered if there would be rebellions to this law. Great story my friend. More chapters please. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
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So the sorrow of this law has reached the family of brothers. I wondered if there would be rebellions to this law. Great story my friend. More chapters please. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 01-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2014
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Thank you for wanting to be up to date, kiwigirl.
Comment from sibhus
Corrupt politicians, serial killers, and now we got werewolves in Illinios, damn. It must be southern Illinois. Anyway, this was a good chapter lots of details and descriptions that help set the location and create a real sense of your characters. the dialouge has a very nature feel and flows very well. All and all another good chapter in an interesting story.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Corrupt politicians, serial killers, and now we got werewolves in Illinios, damn. It must be southern Illinois. Anyway, this was a good chapter lots of details and descriptions that help set the location and create a real sense of your characters. the dialouge has a very nature feel and flows very well. All and all another good chapter in an interesting story.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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LOL! Thank you, sibhus for pointing out what you liked about my writing. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Zue65
I am really not into the story of witches, infant killings, sacrifices, et al., but you really have a natural flair for telling stories and I commend you for that. Your story progressed smoothly and you injected well the right amount of suspense here and there which made your story exciting arousing the interest of the readers to wait for more. Good job.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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I am really not into the story of witches, infant killings, sacrifices, et al., but you really have a natural flair for telling stories and I commend you for that. Your story progressed smoothly and you injected well the right amount of suspense here and there which made your story exciting arousing the interest of the readers to wait for more. Good job.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Wow, thank you so much, nassus. This is really encouraging. I don't take it lightly.
Comment from perpetualwallflower
This is an excellent continuation of the story. I enjoyed it very much and think that you have a lot of originality and talent. I think you have done a really magnificent job on this.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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This is an excellent continuation of the story. I enjoyed it very much and think that you have a lot of originality and talent. I think you have done a really magnificent job on this.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thank you.
Comment from NicciFaye
Amahra - this is going perfectly. I enjoyed this chapter and it kept my attention the entire time. So now you introduce River's brother and the whole deal with their feuding. Great story flow and descriptions. Hopefully the spell works, but I can tell there will be a lot more action before we arrive there. This is very creative and a unique spin off of the typical witch stories.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Amahra - this is going perfectly. I enjoyed this chapter and it kept my attention the entire time. So now you introduce River's brother and the whole deal with their feuding. Great story flow and descriptions. Hopefully the spell works, but I can tell there will be a lot more action before we arrive there. This is very creative and a unique spin off of the typical witch stories.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, NicciFaye. I am really glad you are sticking with this complex story. I wasn't sure how a story like this would be receive on fanstory. I really appreciate you.
Comment from Thewriterwithnoname
The story is shaping up nicely. It flows well, the dialogue is natural, and you keep the descriptions lean so it doesn't get in the way of the actual story telling. As it currently stands, however, I think everyone in this little town deserves to be gassed for what they're doing. This is just a suggestion, you might have something else in mind or are already going to implement what I'm going to say, but I think it's important that at some point you spend a little more time explaining why it's imperative that all of the male infants get killed. That way some moral gray gets introduced into the story by potentially framing the murders as a lesser of two evils, because as it is right now it feels like a lot of bureaucratic cult slavery that's compelling these fathers to act this way. One other detail, I thought this sentence was overly complicated: "It felt of a strange texture." Why not "It had a strange texture"? The former just sounds weird.
Hope this helps!
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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The story is shaping up nicely. It flows well, the dialogue is natural, and you keep the descriptions lean so it doesn't get in the way of the actual story telling. As it currently stands, however, I think everyone in this little town deserves to be gassed for what they're doing. This is just a suggestion, you might have something else in mind or are already going to implement what I'm going to say, but I think it's important that at some point you spend a little more time explaining why it's imperative that all of the male infants get killed. That way some moral gray gets introduced into the story by potentially framing the murders as a lesser of two evils, because as it is right now it feels like a lot of bureaucratic cult slavery that's compelling these fathers to act this way. One other detail, I thought this sentence was overly complicated: "It felt of a strange texture." Why not "It had a strange texture"? The former just sounds weird.
Hope this helps!
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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LOL! Yeah it's a strange little town, all right. Thank you for taking the time to read and for your comments. I'm very encouraged by this review. However, I thought I did explain a lesser of two evils: The Southern pack calls it murder, while the Northern pack feels it's better for the males to die than to be a slave of a curse. 'bureaucratic cult slavery'...Hmmm. I'm not sure what that means. Also, maybe I was a little too cute with that sentence. "It had a strange texture" sounds fine.
Comment from Writingfundimension
An intriguingly complex chapter, Amahra. I love how you build positive excitement with the first part only to have a sense of sadness with the latter half and the torn family relationships due to this curse. Your characters really come to life!
:) Bev
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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An intriguingly complex chapter, Amahra. I love how you build positive excitement with the first part only to have a sense of sadness with the latter half and the torn family relationships due to this curse. Your characters really come to life!
:) Bev
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Bev. I really do appreciate you as a reviewer. I was afraid this book may have been too complex for fanstory. But I took a chance.
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It's not for me. I'm really enjoying it. :)
Comment from jaeladarling
And the plot thickens. :p Wonder what this cure will be - found in a human-skin book, so can't be an easy one. Lots of questions raised in this chapter. Guess we'll have to keep reading to get the answers!
Suggestions:
"for several years, and lived" (No comma)
"He flashed a yellow smile and Beatrice" (Comma after "smile")
"looking around for her and she" (Comma after "her")
"Jewel didn't answer, but opened" (No comma, or add "she" after "but")
"Tell your mother, I said, hi." (No commas)
"The twenty year old kept" (twenty-year-old)
"in both hands pointed down" (Comma after "hands")
"while River--along with his northern pack," (The dash should be a comma)
"with the raids, and tried to" (No comma)
"harm his nephews and he" (Comma after "nephews")
"but also their wives who were" (Comma after "wives")
"as he approached them, but wasn't" (No comma or add "he" after "but")
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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And the plot thickens. :p Wonder what this cure will be - found in a human-skin book, so can't be an easy one. Lots of questions raised in this chapter. Guess we'll have to keep reading to get the answers!
Suggestions:
"for several years, and lived" (No comma)
"He flashed a yellow smile and Beatrice" (Comma after "smile")
"looking around for her and she" (Comma after "her")
"Jewel didn't answer, but opened" (No comma, or add "she" after "but")
"Tell your mother, I said, hi." (No commas)
"The twenty year old kept" (twenty-year-old)
"in both hands pointed down" (Comma after "hands")
"while River--along with his northern pack," (The dash should be a comma)
"with the raids, and tried to" (No comma)
"harm his nephews and he" (Comma after "nephews")
"but also their wives who were" (Comma after "wives")
"as he approached them, but wasn't" (No comma or add "he" after "but")
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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Thank you comma Queen. I will fix them all. Smile.
