A Simple Cross
A happy ending for a sad story15 total reviews
Comment from Jackarrie
This is a heart wrenching story, very well written. The teens who took the cross can never knew the heartbreak it caused. The homeless man had a big heart, even though he lived a tragic life.
A great true story, with some very positive messages in it.
Well done, a well deserved six. Mary
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This is a heart wrenching story, very well written. The teens who took the cross can never knew the heartbreak it caused. The homeless man had a big heart, even though he lived a tragic life.
A great true story, with some very positive messages in it.
Well done, a well deserved six. Mary
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
Comment from dennis0530
There are some documented happenings that entail unexplained aftermaths. For example, the line "...Grayson wanted to know where the other nice man was...the one with wings." I see this has a connection with "...how an accident will affect a child."
The trauma of a car accident especially after a period of unconciousness affects the perception and recall accuracy of the victims.
Suggestions/corrections:
1. I suggest the the first sentence in the second line be re-formatted. I looks like all three were killed.
2. In the second to the last paragraph, there are too many "He." You can give the man a name and use it avoiding the "He" redundancy. In the same paragraph, "insure" should be replaced by the more proper "ensure."
3. In some places, there are no spacing after a comma and period.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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There are some documented happenings that entail unexplained aftermaths. For example, the line "...Grayson wanted to know where the other nice man was...the one with wings." I see this has a connection with "...how an accident will affect a child."
The trauma of a car accident especially after a period of unconciousness affects the perception and recall accuracy of the victims.
Suggestions/corrections:
1. I suggest the the first sentence in the second line be re-formatted. I looks like all three were killed.
2. In the second to the last paragraph, there are too many "He." You can give the man a name and use it avoiding the "He" redundancy. In the same paragraph, "insure" should be replaced by the more proper "ensure."
3. In some places, there are no spacing after a comma and period.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
Comment from patcelaw
What touching and moving story. I am glad Grayson is doing better and is able to sing. We never know the pain in the heart of a child when they lose a loved one. Sometimes the homeless and little children have valuable lessons, if only we will take the time to listen and understand.
Blessing, Pat Good luck in the contest.
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What touching and moving story. I am glad Grayson is doing better and is able to sing. We never know the pain in the heart of a child when they lose a loved one. Sometimes the homeless and little children have valuable lessons, if only we will take the time to listen and understand.
Blessing, Pat Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
Comment from Neonewman
Thank you for sharing this tear jerking, moving story with me! I pray the family and especially little Grayson grows from the lords strength daily.
God Bless!
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Thank you for sharing this tear jerking, moving story with me! I pray the family and especially little Grayson grows from the lords strength daily.
God Bless!
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
Comment from drivenbackward
What a sad story. I hope Grayson continues to get better. Some notes to consider:
which Grayson helped make,at the site of the accident. -- Check spacing in two spots, after comma and after period.
Grayson was so hurt that Zac's cross was taken,and he said that Zac was upset -- Add space after comma.
Grayson was so affected by just the meanness of it, that he stopped talking. -- No comma
Grayson and go visit Zac's cross.For some -- Add space after period.
and proceeded in yelling that to the man.He told him to go away. -- "
halfway (one word)
safety.He had been there the night -- Add space after period.
He had been there the night the teenagers had broken up and destroyed the original cross, -- Period, not comma.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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What a sad story. I hope Grayson continues to get better. Some notes to consider:
which Grayson helped make,at the site of the accident. -- Check spacing in two spots, after comma and after period.
Grayson was so hurt that Zac's cross was taken,and he said that Zac was upset -- Add space after comma.
Grayson was so affected by just the meanness of it, that he stopped talking. -- No comma
Grayson and go visit Zac's cross.For some -- Add space after period.
and proceeded in yelling that to the man.He told him to go away. -- "
halfway (one word)
safety.He had been there the night -- Add space after period.
He had been there the night the teenagers had broken up and destroyed the original cross, -- Period, not comma.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
