The Raiment of Autumn
a poem in anapestic meter117 total reviews
Comment from SentimentalSeany
The best part about this poem is how you personify the season of Fall. The only thing I wish you incorporated was perhaps personifying Winter as a male and or more menacing figure. If you portrayed winter as malicious or indifferent and made Fall more "innocent" or hurt then you could even personify it more. Just a suggestion though :]
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
   |
The best part about this poem is how you personify the season of Fall. The only thing I wish you incorporated was perhaps personifying Winter as a male and or more menacing figure. If you portrayed winter as malicious or indifferent and made Fall more "innocent" or hurt then you could even personify it more. Just a suggestion though :]
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
-
Thank you for your thoughts, Sentimental. Brooke
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Brooke
If I recall correctly, I once wrote a poem once about the last leaf. But I forget what it was called. It showed a lot of perseverance though, surviving well into winter after all the storms. A tiger leaf.
u/ uu/uu/uu/
You nailed anapestic meter, my dear. And that's not easy for every line.
Autumn is so gorgeous with all the colour. Winter is like a newspaper...white and black.
"the world's left to quiver, no way to keep warm" ... When I used to hunt, (last time was 16 years ago), I would sit for hours at a time...listening and watching. As long as I was still, I was okay. But when it started to get late in the day, I had to head home. And when I got up, I would shiver uncontrollably. The cold was right in my bones. I could hardly hold my rifle! I really like the personification of "the world's left to quiver".
Nice alliteration in
"winds of the winter will"
following up with some good consonance,
"leave her to tremble with little to wear"
I also like the alliteration of
"savagely shed"
These are my favourite lines,
"How bleak is the prospect, how deep is the grief
when winter comes calling to steal the last leaf."
These lines speak to me after the shooting in Ottawa earlier today.
Nicely penned! Good Luck in the contest!
your fan,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
|
Hi Brooke
If I recall correctly, I once wrote a poem once about the last leaf. But I forget what it was called. It showed a lot of perseverance though, surviving well into winter after all the storms. A tiger leaf.
u/ uu/uu/uu/
You nailed anapestic meter, my dear. And that's not easy for every line.
Autumn is so gorgeous with all the colour. Winter is like a newspaper...white and black.
"the world's left to quiver, no way to keep warm" ... When I used to hunt, (last time was 16 years ago), I would sit for hours at a time...listening and watching. As long as I was still, I was okay. But when it started to get late in the day, I had to head home. And when I got up, I would shiver uncontrollably. The cold was right in my bones. I could hardly hold my rifle! I really like the personification of "the world's left to quiver".
Nice alliteration in
"winds of the winter will"
following up with some good consonance,
"leave her to tremble with little to wear"
I also like the alliteration of
"savagely shed"
These are my favourite lines,
"How bleak is the prospect, how deep is the grief
when winter comes calling to steal the last leaf."
These lines speak to me after the shooting in Ottawa earlier today.
Nicely penned! Good Luck in the contest!
your fan,
Kimbob
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
-
Thank you, Kimbob, for your thoughtful review. Sustaining this meter throughout a whole poem is quite a challenge, so I appreciate your positive review. Brooke :-)
Comment from catch22
Hi Brooke, what a skillful write you've penned here. Great use of anapest mixed in with iambs. The lines all made sense too--and you told a nice tale of the change of seasons in the spirit of "Twas the Night Before Christmas. Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
|
Hi Brooke, what a skillful write you've penned here. Great use of anapest mixed in with iambs. The lines all made sense too--and you told a nice tale of the change of seasons in the spirit of "Twas the Night Before Christmas. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
-
Gail, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Adri7enne
I've spent more than six hours in a car today, going to see a doctor. Maybe it's the movement, still with me, but I couldn't get the anapestic meter. I enjoyed the rhymes and the rhythm, anyway. The images, too. Good luck in the contest, Brooke.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
|
I've spent more than six hours in a car today, going to see a doctor. Maybe it's the movement, still with me, but I couldn't get the anapestic meter. I enjoyed the rhymes and the rhythm, anyway. The images, too. Good luck in the contest, Brooke.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
-
Thank you, Adrienne, for your thoughtful review. Believe me, the anapestic meter is there :-) Brooke
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh, what a bright picture you paint, Brooke, of the stark contrast between autumn's colours and the winter bleakness. I found this one heavily imagistic, a strong contender for the contest with flawless rhythm, Giddy
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
 |
Oh, what a bright picture you paint, Brooke, of the stark contrast between autumn's colours and the winter bleakness. I found this one heavily imagistic, a strong contender for the contest with flawless rhythm, Giddy
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
-
Giddy, thank you so very much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from marijmd
No not winter yet! I love the savageness of winter in this poem - tormenting the poor tree and taking away the beauty and splendor!
:) Maria
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
|
No not winter yet! I love the savageness of winter in this poem - tormenting the poor tree and taking away the beauty and splendor!
:) Maria
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
-
Maria, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from INtity
I love this one! A wonderful way at looking and describing the raiment of Autumn. A seasonal poem well written by you. The poetic mechanics are well tuned in a great design of words. Tremendous job.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
|
I love this one! A wonderful way at looking and describing the raiment of Autumn. A seasonal poem well written by you. The poetic mechanics are well tuned in a great design of words. Tremendous job.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
-
INtity, thank you so much for your generous response to this friend :-) Brooke
Comment from pluviophile79
I like this poem in that it has this sad and quiet type of mood. I also like how you made the autumn tree seem like it was an actual person with a dress of colorful leaves. Nice work.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
|
I like this poem in that it has this sad and quiet type of mood. I also like how you made the autumn tree seem like it was an actual person with a dress of colorful leaves. Nice work.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
-
pluviophile, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from evilynne
Autumn colors are magnificent while the last, but the are the harbingers of a colder season, as your work so aptly describes. Best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
|
Autumn colors are magnificent while the last, but the are the harbingers of a colder season, as your work so aptly describes. Best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
-
Thank you, Evi, for your generous and gracious response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Just2Write
A striking poem about the coming winter, Brooke. Loved your flawless use of Anapestic meter through all 3 stanzas and all with a catelexis on the 1st Anapest.
Nice personification of earth, and of winter - who cruelly strips her of warm clothes.
Rose
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
|
A striking poem about the coming winter, Brooke. Loved your flawless use of Anapestic meter through all 3 stanzas and all with a catelexis on the 1st Anapest.
Nice personification of earth, and of winter - who cruelly strips her of warm clothes.
Rose
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
-
Thank you, Rose, for your generous sixth star, your thoughtful comments and your sponsoring of this contest :-) Brooke
