The Old Violin
Anapestic Tetrameter contest entry82 total reviews
Comment from Lighthouse Keeper
Well done, tfawcus. You captured the flow of bow across the strings in your rhythm. An elegant read with some great word choice. "chattering shake of the shrill tambourine" - really nice.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Well done, tfawcus. You captured the flow of bow across the strings in your rhythm. An elegant read with some great word choice. "chattering shake of the shrill tambourine" - really nice.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Lighthouse Keeper, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Your poems are always so interesting, Tony. You have such versatility, and they never cease to entertain me. This one is no less so and seems to be a great contender for the contest, Giddy
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Your poems are always so interesting, Tony. You have such versatility, and they never cease to entertain me. This one is no less so and seems to be a great contender for the contest, Giddy
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Giddy. Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from INtity
I am anxious to know what this is inspired by. It has good rhyming technique that flows with the poem. Well written poem that makes me want to read more! Well constructed poem with characters I want to know more about.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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I am anxious to know what this is inspired by. It has good rhyming technique that flows with the poem. Well written poem that makes me want to read more! Well constructed poem with characters I want to know more about.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, INtity. Inspired by the challenge of the contest. Also, perhaps, by the fact that my son is a violinist.
Comment from pluviophile79
Beautiful. I loved how you made the violin seem real. "That can draw from her heart the original sin/Of a swift gypsy dance, as she sways to and fro" Wonderfully written.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Beautiful. I loved how you made the violin seem real. "That can draw from her heart the original sin/Of a swift gypsy dance, as she sways to and fro" Wonderfully written.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, pluviophile. Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Neonewman
The artwork definitely compliments this timeless piece. I love to here the violin and this all looks like great fun. God Bless!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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The artwork definitely compliments this timeless piece. I love to here the violin and this all looks like great fun. God Bless!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Neonewman. Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from NicciFaye
tfawcus you've composed this poem so gracefully in thought. The picture and poem in its entirely is just marvelous. I love the perspective of this poem from an old violin view and what is going on to it and around it.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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tfawcus you've composed this poem so gracefully in thought. The picture and poem in its entirely is just marvelous. I love the perspective of this poem from an old violin view and what is going on to it and around it.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Nicci, for reviewing my poem and for the generous gift of six stars. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Eternal Muse
Gorgeous, Tony. I haven't tried anapestic tetrameter in a while, and it is very refreshing.
This is a very sophisticated, artsy poem with a fantastic picture to accompany it. Great rhymes, meter and flow.
I only had a problem with the first stanza, though it was my favorite:
Ah, what tunes can be played on an old violin
When her strings are deranged by a strong slender bow
That can draw from her heart the original sin
Of a swift gypsy dance, as she sways to and fro
Anapestic meter is two unstressed syllables followed by the stressed. "Ah" in my book is a stressed word.
How about:
What fine tunes can be played on an old violin
When her strings are deranged by a strong slender bow
That can draw from her heart the original sin
Of a swift gypsy dance, as she sways to and fro
Loved it!! Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Gorgeous, Tony. I haven't tried anapestic tetrameter in a while, and it is very refreshing.
This is a very sophisticated, artsy poem with a fantastic picture to accompany it. Great rhymes, meter and flow.
I only had a problem with the first stanza, though it was my favorite:
Ah, what tunes can be played on an old violin
When her strings are deranged by a strong slender bow
That can draw from her heart the original sin
Of a swift gypsy dance, as she sways to and fro
Anapestic meter is two unstressed syllables followed by the stressed. "Ah" in my book is a stressed word.
How about:
What fine tunes can be played on an old violin
When her strings are deranged by a strong slender bow
That can draw from her heart the original sin
Of a swift gypsy dance, as she sways to and fro
Loved it!! Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Yelena, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it! You are absolutely right about the first line. I originally had it as you have suggested and can't for the life of me think why I changed it. Have changed it back again now.
Comment from trimple
A reminder why I didn't enter the contest :)
I could never compete with something like this, Tony.
An excellent poem, that is so alive, I can see and smell the gypsies dancing to the wonderful music coming from the violin and tambourine.
You use 'derange' twice, I presume that this was intentional?
A masterful piece of writing that will be pretty hard for anyone to beat in the contest.
kind regards
trimple
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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A reminder why I didn't enter the contest :)
I could never compete with something like this, Tony.
An excellent poem, that is so alive, I can see and smell the gypsies dancing to the wonderful music coming from the violin and tambourine.
You use 'derange' twice, I presume that this was intentional?
A masterful piece of writing that will be pretty hard for anyone to beat in the contest.
kind regards
trimple
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Tracey, for reviewing my poem and for the generous gift of six stars. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it! Yes, the repetition of 'derange' was intentional.
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:)
Comment from Ekim777
Marvellous; our poet handles his language with assurety and control, that includes his cadence and his rhyming. More importantly, he rivets our attention with every detail and paints an exciting picture. It could almost be a period piece but it is still very exciting. _Ekim777
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Marvellous; our poet handles his language with assurety and control, that includes his cadence and his rhyming. More importantly, he rivets our attention with every detail and paints an exciting picture. It could almost be a period piece but it is still very exciting. _Ekim777
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Ekim, for reviewing my poem. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from acerisestory
I know nothing about anapestic tetrameter, Tony, but I do know I very much like what you've written.
"When her strings are deranged by a strong slender bow."
An unusual and perfect way to describe the violin. The intensity of your words makes for a great write. In my opinion, it's even better when read out loud. I wish you good luck in the contest! Alana
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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I know nothing about anapestic tetrameter, Tony, but I do know I very much like what you've written.
"When her strings are deranged by a strong slender bow."
An unusual and perfect way to describe the violin. The intensity of your words makes for a great write. In my opinion, it's even better when read out loud. I wish you good luck in the contest! Alana
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Alana, for reviewing my poem and for the generous gift of six stars. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it!
