The Old Violin
Anapestic Tetrameter contest entry82 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Tony
What a fine entry for the contest. So eloquent and a perfectly charming scene in your selected image ... a perfect complement. I guess I tend to think of a violin as the perfect romance instrument, soft and genteel ... here you have taken us to a more overt sensual expression of the fun and frivolity of a more decadent version on display.
"The chattering shake of the shrill tambourine
Underlines with its thrill the wild notes of desire"
"To the castanets' clicking that sets men on fire." ... getting a bit wild and heated for sure. Great rhyme ... s best as I can tell the meter is perfect.
I can 'hear' the sounds of the violin played with abandon and picture the exotic dance of the gypsy, "as she sways to and fro".
Some very nice alliteration throughout, "shake/shrill", "desire/drawn/depths", "castanets' clicking", "fall/fervid/faint", and a mass of consonance and assonance which all add to the melodious dance of your words and the faint echo in the background strengthening the tune and arousing the audial.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest. I expect this to be a contender for high placement. Hugs - Lovi xoxox
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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Hi Tony
What a fine entry for the contest. So eloquent and a perfectly charming scene in your selected image ... a perfect complement. I guess I tend to think of a violin as the perfect romance instrument, soft and genteel ... here you have taken us to a more overt sensual expression of the fun and frivolity of a more decadent version on display.
"The chattering shake of the shrill tambourine
Underlines with its thrill the wild notes of desire"
"To the castanets' clicking that sets men on fire." ... getting a bit wild and heated for sure. Great rhyme ... s best as I can tell the meter is perfect.
I can 'hear' the sounds of the violin played with abandon and picture the exotic dance of the gypsy, "as she sways to and fro".
Some very nice alliteration throughout, "shake/shrill", "desire/drawn/depths", "castanets' clicking", "fall/fervid/faint", and a mass of consonance and assonance which all add to the melodious dance of your words and the faint echo in the background strengthening the tune and arousing the audial.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest. I expect this to be a contender for high placement. Hugs - Lovi xoxox
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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Hi Lovi, I can't believe that it is more than a week ago that I read your generous comments about my poem. However, I've now had the re-doubled pleasure of reading them again! I was particularly thrilled that a sense of musicality came across, as that was one of the things I was aiming for. I very much appreciated your six stars, too. Always a boost to an old chap's ego!
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Hi Lovi, I can't believe that it is more than a week ago that I read your generous comments about my poem. However, I've now had the re-doubled pleasure of reading them again! I was particularly thrilled that a sense of musicality came across, as that was one of the things I was aiming for. I very much appreciated your six stars, too. Always a boost to an old chap's ego!
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements beautifully. I love the creative approach you took with this as the violin becomes almost human as you paint your lovely portrait in words. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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This meets the contest requirements beautifully. I love the creative approach you took with this as the violin becomes almost human as you paint your lovely portrait in words. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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Hi Mystic Anvgel, I can't believe that it is more than a week ago that I read your generous comments about my poem. However, I've now had the re-doubled pleasure of reading them again! Thank you so very much for your kind words. Delighted, too, that you saw the human connection.
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Hi Mystic Anvgel, I can't believe that it is more than a week ago that I read your generous comments about my poem. However, I've now had the re-doubled pleasure of reading them again! Thank you so very much for your kind words. Delighted, too, that you saw the human connection.
Comment from michaelcahill
Wow. This truly stands out as an entry. Amazing use of language in this not only for imagery, but for the sound of the words themselves. This is very violiny :) in sound when I read it. I can hear the elements having played a little. The combination of image and sound places the reader in the center of quite the frantic scene. I LOVE this meter. You use it to perfection. mikey
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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Wow. This truly stands out as an entry. Amazing use of language in this not only for imagery, but for the sound of the words themselves. This is very violiny :) in sound when I read it. I can hear the elements having played a little. The combination of image and sound places the reader in the center of quite the frantic scene. I LOVE this meter. You use it to perfection. mikey
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2014
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Many thanks, Mikey. I appreciate your review and kind comments.
Comment from amahra
And the chattering shake of the shrill tambourine [great poetic words: chattering, shake shrill] Loved the art work; it looks like a painting. You fail to mention the artist. Are you the artist? Great poem. Great choice of words.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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And the chattering shake of the shrill tambourine [great poetic words: chattering, shake shrill] Loved the art work; it looks like a painting. You fail to mention the artist. Are you the artist? Great poem. Great choice of words.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Many thanks for your review and kind words, Amahra. Contest guidelines prohibited any author notes. The painting was by Richard Lipps, a German artist (1857?1926) Oil on canvas and it was painted towards the end of the XIX century. My paintings compare unfavourably with those of a kindergarten child!
Comment from Joe_P
If I had a sixer left, I would have given it to you. I love the way you tie the entire poem into love, lust, and sin inspired and inflamed by a gypsy violin and tambourine.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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If I had a sixer left, I would have given it to you. I love the way you tie the entire poem into love, lust, and sin inspired and inflamed by a gypsy violin and tambourine.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Many thanks for your review, Joe
Comment from LadyCosgrove
Love the imagery here - The gypsy dancer, ever young and sweet, and those who would favour her, right down to the old man, who remembers those that danced in his youth.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Love the imagery here - The gypsy dancer, ever young and sweet, and those who would favour her, right down to the old man, who remembers those that danced in his youth.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Many thanks for your review, LadyCosgrove
Comment from chasennov
Anapestic Tetrameter contest entry "The Old Violin" And how they derange the strings of an old violin. What a wonderful poem you have created here, Tony. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Anapestic Tetrameter contest entry "The Old Violin" And how they derange the strings of an old violin. What a wonderful poem you have created here, Tony. Well done.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Many thanks for your review, Chasennov
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You are most welcome, Tony.
Comment from Acquired Taste
Very much enjoyed this - not so much visual as intensely filled with the sounds of the dance, the music, the instruments. A quite enjoyable read. AT=/
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Very much enjoyed this - not so much visual as intensely filled with the sounds of the dance, the music, the instruments. A quite enjoyable read. AT=/
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thanks, AT. I was going mainly for the sound effects.
Comment from Spitfire
A stirring piece, Tony. I can hear the music. Your word choices suggest a violent passion: deranged, original sin, chattering shake, shrill, wild, fervid. Superb choice of "derange" with the second repetition taking on more meaning.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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A stirring piece, Tony. I can hear the music. Your word choices suggest a violent passion: deranged, original sin, chattering shake, shrill, wild, fervid. Superb choice of "derange" with the second repetition taking on more meaning.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Spitfire. I was going mainly for the rhythm and sound effects, not to mention the double entendre. I appreciate the sixth star.
Comment from Treischel
A very colorful poetic portrait of a gypsy dance. The Anapestic nether was very well done and lent itself perfectly to the theme with its shuffling flow. Loved the steamy inferences and musical imagery.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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A very colorful poetic portrait of a gypsy dance. The Anapestic nether was very well done and lent itself perfectly to the theme with its shuffling flow. Loved the steamy inferences and musical imagery.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Tom. The steamy inferences went unnoticed by many! Shuffling flow is a nice description of the anapaest!
