Secret Santa
A mass murder at a winter Christmas attraction.30 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
a dramatic, attention-grabbing first paragraph
I laid there - I lay there
you get inside the narrator's inner thoughts most compellingly
you set the stage well
you definitely have me ready to read the next page :-) Brooke
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a dramatic, attention-grabbing first paragraph
I laid there - I lay there
you get inside the narrator's inner thoughts most compellingly
you set the stage well
you definitely have me ready to read the next page :-) Brooke
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
Comment from Ric Myworld
Sounds like a great start to me. Blood always gets the readers attention, especially, lots of it. And it creates conflict from the onset. Great job. :-)
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Sounds like a great start to me. Blood always gets the readers attention, especially, lots of it. And it creates conflict from the onset. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
Comment from forestport12
Powerful descritpitons. I have to admit I see your descritpive and entertaining style. The whole red snow business as a hook is interesting. Then again Santa is in this, a good start to a mystery.
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Powerful descritpitons. I have to admit I see your descritpive and entertaining style. The whole red snow business as a hook is interesting. Then again Santa is in this, a good start to a mystery.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
Comment from PatVallesMangan
Well you have me hooked! I know the prompt was well met here as to what would be the best way to start a novel. I truly hope that you continue this. The clever name, the surrealistic experience to feel as if you are dying are all well captured here. I await getting to know Sargent Angelique Rose! Good luck in the contest!
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Well you have me hooked! I know the prompt was well met here as to what would be the best way to start a novel. I truly hope that you continue this. The clever name, the surrealistic experience to feel as if you are dying are all well captured here. I await getting to know Sargent Angelique Rose! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely. It is technically sound and very engaging as you set the plot to be interesting and intriguing. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
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This meets the contest requirements nicely. It is technically sound and very engaging as you set the plot to be interesting and intriguing. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
Comment from livelylinda
Author: the color red is so Christmas and Santa Clause, but so not tragic death and a bloody scene! A twist to the whole Santa scene and it has my attention. Creative, imaginative, boy, working over time. The beginning is plenty enough to catch my attention, not make me yawn but stir my curiosity into a frothy "give me more". Well done and will we see more? livelylinda
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Author: the color red is so Christmas and Santa Clause, but so not tragic death and a bloody scene! A twist to the whole Santa scene and it has my attention. Creative, imaginative, boy, working over time. The beginning is plenty enough to catch my attention, not make me yawn but stir my curiosity into a frothy "give me more". Well done and will we see more? livelylinda
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
Comment from Michaelk
Excellent start. Your subject was extremely original. I never really thought of a psychotic elf going on a rampage and killing every at the north pole, let alone that just being a cover story for something entirely different. What secret could they possibly be keeping that justifies the massacre?
Very interesting. Are you going to continue with this story? I would definitely read it.
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Excellent start. Your subject was extremely original. I never really thought of a psychotic elf going on a rampage and killing every at the north pole, let alone that just being a cover story for something entirely different. What secret could they possibly be keeping that justifies the massacre?
Very interesting. Are you going to continue with this story? I would definitely read it.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
Comment from CR Delport
This is an interesting first page of a novel that raises curiosity and interest. Even though it is anonymous, the style is distinct :) Well done and good luck.
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This is an interesting first page of a novel that raises curiosity and interest. Even though it is anonymous, the style is distinct :) Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
Comment from Lovinia
Dear Mystery Writer
You've sparked my interest. Interesting, exciting, entertaining and a who-done-it, special agents, Santa Claus, a psychotic elf, a Sargeant Flannery ... mass murder .... what more could any crime and mystery buff ask for?
Agent Angelique Rose ... WOW! Now that's a name. One smart, slinky diva agent ... her character is already showing. You've developed your main character and given the reader a taste of murder, mayhem, mystery and intrigue. A sexy female James Bond type ... time the girls got a mention at this level.
You have provided so much to entice the reader to want more ... a great concept ... I hope you intend to develop it. Good luck in the contest ... an exceptional entry. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxox
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Dear Mystery Writer
You've sparked my interest. Interesting, exciting, entertaining and a who-done-it, special agents, Santa Claus, a psychotic elf, a Sargeant Flannery ... mass murder .... what more could any crime and mystery buff ask for?
Agent Angelique Rose ... WOW! Now that's a name. One smart, slinky diva agent ... her character is already showing. You've developed your main character and given the reader a taste of murder, mayhem, mystery and intrigue. A sexy female James Bond type ... time the girls got a mention at this level.
You have provided so much to entice the reader to want more ... a great concept ... I hope you intend to develop it. Good luck in the contest ... an exceptional entry. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxox
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
Comment from Acquired Taste
I am a sucker for cop stories and looking for a "Psychotic Elf" or "Santa Massacre" devised by Mrs. Claus - color me captivated on this one. The sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek is terrific. Good luck in the contest. AT=/
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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I am a sucker for cop stories and looking for a "Psychotic Elf" or "Santa Massacre" devised by Mrs. Claus - color me captivated on this one. The sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek is terrific. Good luck in the contest. AT=/
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
