All Things in Life Crisscross
a quaterne9 total reviews
Comment from Brian Terry
This is a very thoughtful poem and I enjoyed reading it several times.
The choice of the rhymes I thought were particularly apt and clever.
Is a quaterne related to a quatrain? I've never come across this term before.
I tend to be a bit stingy but my marking is heartfelt
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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This is a very thoughtful poem and I enjoyed reading it several times.
The choice of the rhymes I thought were particularly apt and clever.
Is a quaterne related to a quatrain? I've never come across this term before.
I tend to be a bit stingy but my marking is heartfelt
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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THanks for reading this poem. I am honored with the 6-star rating.
A quatrain is just a 4-line stanza. A quatern is a poetry form consisting of 4 quatrains with the first line of the poem appearing as the second line of the second stanza, the third line of the third stanza and the last line.
Joan
Comment from MSJVClarke
This poem had an intriguing title. The verses flowed smoothly and each transitioned to the next reiterating the meaning of your words. The I particularly liked the third verse. The final verse brought it all together. I liked this poem.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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This poem had an intriguing title. The verses flowed smoothly and each transitioned to the next reiterating the meaning of your words. The I particularly liked the third verse. The final verse brought it all together. I liked this poem.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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Thanks for the encouraging review and generous rating.
dragonpoet
Comment from adewpearl
good use of abab rhyming
effective imagery in your opening stanza
I like your use of the repeating descending line
good alliteration in light the lands
a strong message of social commentary in good quatern form
Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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good use of abab rhyming
effective imagery in your opening stanza
I like your use of the repeating descending line
good alliteration in light the lands
a strong message of social commentary in good quatern form
Brooke
Comment Written 20-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much for the concise and encouraging review, Brooke.
Joan
Comment from crowdog110
Nice piece. I liked it and the words you chose to deliver your message. I was distracted by a few issues but they have all been covered in a previous rating. I know how difficult repetitive poetry can be and think you have done a very good job here.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2014
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Nice piece. I liked it and the words you chose to deliver your message. I was distracted by a few issues but they have all been covered in a previous rating. I know how difficult repetitive poetry can be and think you have done a very good job here.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2014
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Thanks for the encouraging words.
dragonpoet
Comment from Dawn Munro
First off, let me say I love the chosen repetitious line - all things in life DO crisscross, in my opinion - we all inhabit the same planet, within the same universe, and it only makes sense that 'for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'. (Wouldn't it be lovely if those actions and reactions were all positive?)
A very thought-provoking poem. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2014
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First off, let me say I love the chosen repetitious line - all things in life DO crisscross, in my opinion - we all inhabit the same planet, within the same universe, and it only makes sense that 'for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'. (Wouldn't it be lovely if those actions and reactions were all positive?)
A very thought-provoking poem. Nicely done.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2014
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. Having all postitive reactions is what we all wish for.
dragonpoet
Comment from Sefiros
You certainly pick hard words to rhyme with. Crisscross? I'd be going through the alphabet soup with that word. The last line in the first stanza doesn't feel right. Try shortening it. Other than that, good job.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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You certainly pick hard words to rhyme with. Crisscross? I'd be going through the alphabet soup with that word. The last line in the first stanza doesn't feel right. Try shortening it. Other than that, good job.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'll check out the last line.
Joan
Comment from rama devi
Second review
:-)))
First review (FOUR stars)
Lovely message. Well expressed. there are some spag typos--noted first so you can fix them (happy to upgrade if edited)
*Even those as wide spread
widespread
*
As he wings of an albatross
the is missing the 't'
As the wings of an albatross
*
The whole world is one creation so
All things is(IN) life crisscross.
Favorite lines are the last two stanzas:
The stars that light the lands across
The ocean are the same as ours.
All things in life crisscross,
Even our rain becomes their showers.
(So true, and nicely rhymed with fine alliteration on L)
Before we do things, we must think.
For the garbage we wastefully toss
May pollute water others drink.
Its a great ending note--applying the philosophy of the poem in a practical way.
For smoother flow, I recommend a slight change:
Before we do things, we must think,
For the garbage we wastefully toss
May pollute water others drink.
Enjoyed your poem and message, Happy to return to upgrade, so please do let me know.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Second review
:-)))
First review (FOUR stars)
Lovely message. Well expressed. there are some spag typos--noted first so you can fix them (happy to upgrade if edited)
*Even those as wide spread
widespread
*
As he wings of an albatross
the is missing the 't'
As the wings of an albatross
*
The whole world is one creation so
All things is(IN) life crisscross.
Favorite lines are the last two stanzas:
The stars that light the lands across
The ocean are the same as ours.
All things in life crisscross,
Even our rain becomes their showers.
(So true, and nicely rhymed with fine alliteration on L)
Before we do things, we must think.
For the garbage we wastefully toss
May pollute water others drink.
Its a great ending note--applying the philosophy of the poem in a practical way.
For smoother flow, I recommend a slight change:
Before we do things, we must think,
For the garbage we wastefully toss
May pollute water others drink.
Enjoyed your poem and message, Happy to return to upgrade, so please do let me know.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thanks for the review and all the editing help. I made the changes.
dp
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Sure. Happy to help. Will upgrade. :) rd
Comment from patcelaw
As he wings of an albatross Should the line be As the, no As he?
The message is good rhyming is good. This painted a picture in my mine of the great albatross in flight. Blessings, Pat
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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As he wings of an albatross Should the line be As the, no As he?
The message is good rhyming is good. This painted a picture in my mine of the great albatross in flight. Blessings, Pat
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review this. I apreciate all the star.
Joan
Comment from rjpurdy
I like the idea of crisscrossing. I believe everything is connected. You have a couple typos that need cleaning up including in the4 title. Hence the 4.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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I like the idea of crisscrossing. I believe everything is connected. You have a couple typos that need cleaning up including in the4 title. Hence the 4.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thanks for the review. All the spags hve been fixed.
dragonpoet
