The Fairies of Fernwood Forest
a story poem133 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
I stumbled a bit on the meter here, Brooke, but I can't put my finger on why. I appreciate it's anapaestic meter.
Maybe it's the mixture of 8 and 9 syllable first lines in some stanzas.
'and the cloud as black as ravens' wings' - doesn't scan to me with the style of the rest, though it scans fine alone, as I felt the need to delete the first 'as'.
I'm sure I'll be the only one to criticize - as usual, LOL, but I'm sure you don't just want acclaim and welcome constructive critique when offered with the upmost respect - even if it may be unfounded, as perhaps here. :-)
On the BIG bright side, a wonderful mystical story in a poem which I thoroughly enjoyed.
Top alliteration and enjambment.
Cheers, Ray xx
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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I stumbled a bit on the meter here, Brooke, but I can't put my finger on why. I appreciate it's anapaestic meter.
Maybe it's the mixture of 8 and 9 syllable first lines in some stanzas.
'and the cloud as black as ravens' wings' - doesn't scan to me with the style of the rest, though it scans fine alone, as I felt the need to delete the first 'as'.
I'm sure I'll be the only one to criticize - as usual, LOL, but I'm sure you don't just want acclaim and welcome constructive critique when offered with the upmost respect - even if it may be unfounded, as perhaps here. :-)
On the BIG bright side, a wonderful mystical story in a poem which I thoroughly enjoyed.
Top alliteration and enjambment.
Cheers, Ray xx
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thanks for your feedback, Ray
Brooke
Comment from amahra
Excellent picture for this poem. Loved the fairy story. As I mouth the words, it took on the rhythm of the Hiawatha poem. Great rhyming and very musical rhythm.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Excellent picture for this poem. Loved the fairy story. As I mouth the words, it took on the rhythm of the Hiawatha poem. Great rhyming and very musical rhythm.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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amahra, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
Sounds as written in the Medieval style with good beat & couplet rhymes; a sure one for children to sink their teeth in & have a ball. This would also make a good children's cartoon movie.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Sounds as written in the Medieval style with good beat & couplet rhymes; a sure one for children to sink their teeth in & have a ball. This would also make a good children's cartoon movie.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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giovanni, thank you so much :-) Brooke
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Y/W GMT
Comment from royowen
A great story-in-a-poem Brooke, you dominate in this sort of writing, I don't think I've seen anybody so consistently roll out these poems with metronomic regularity like you do! In 9898 syllable count, with abab rhyming, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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A great story-in-a-poem Brooke, you dominate in this sort of writing, I don't think I've seen anybody so consistently roll out these poems with metronomic regularity like you do! In 9898 syllable count, with abab rhyming, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Roy, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from LIJ Red
That ravenous black cloud was Beau firing the sawmill
boiler as the cross-cut crews, loggers and swampers headed into the woods. They're gone now...excellent poem, Brooke.
Now I remember-ever watch Ferngully?
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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That ravenous black cloud was Beau firing the sawmill
boiler as the cross-cut crews, loggers and swampers headed into the woods. They're gone now...excellent poem, Brooke.
Now I remember-ever watch Ferngully?
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, LIJ - I know about Ferngully but never watched
Brooke
Comment from Dean Kuch
..."and a cloud black as raven's feathers
swept the light of the sun away." Poor ravens. They always get such a bad rap, LOL...
Excellent poetic tale/ story, filled with prime examples of alliteration, and consonance, primarily of the letter 'F'.
Good slant rhyming, such as "summoned" and "ordered", although I felt that one was a bit of a stretch.
Still, I enjoyed this poetic telling of the plight of the faeries of Fernwood Forest. A classic good vs. evil tale, light's empowerment over the forces of darkness.
Good stuff...
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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..."and a cloud black as raven's feathers
swept the light of the sun away." Poor ravens. They always get such a bad rap, LOL...
Excellent poetic tale/ story, filled with prime examples of alliteration, and consonance, primarily of the letter 'F'.
Good slant rhyming, such as "summoned" and "ordered", although I felt that one was a bit of a stretch.
Still, I enjoyed this poetic telling of the plight of the faeries of Fernwood Forest. A classic good vs. evil tale, light's empowerment over the forces of darkness.
Good stuff...
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Dean - I am employing abcb rhyme where only the second and fourth lines rhyme - many of my first and third lines do not rhyme at all, including summoned and ordered :-) Brooke
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Ha-ha, well, you would know better than I, Brooke, LOL.
Still, you're very welcome, and I really enjoyed your poem. :}
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I haven't noticed my little fairy buddies in the oak grove lately. Maybe after reading this poem, I'd better take a look. Maybe my friends have come back. I think it has more to do with forgetting how to have fun than the fairies.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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I haven't noticed my little fairy buddies in the oak grove lately. Maybe after reading this poem, I'd better take a look. Maybe my friends have come back. I think it has more to do with forgetting how to have fun than the fairies.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much, Barbara :-) Brooke
Comment from Ekim777
I have often wondered at the predominance of fantasy poetry and fantasy fiction which has become a genre all of its own. I suppose that in a cold, sombre world we all yearn to return to the magical elements of our youth. Through the magic of her words and the colorfulness of her images, not to mention the music in her cadence, our poet entices us into the world of make believe. I think Coleridge calls it the willing suspension of disbelief and there is also much wisdom peeping through, especially in the final verse. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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I have often wondered at the predominance of fantasy poetry and fantasy fiction which has become a genre all of its own. I suppose that in a cold, sombre world we all yearn to return to the magical elements of our youth. Through the magic of her words and the colorfulness of her images, not to mention the music in her cadence, our poet entices us into the world of make believe. I think Coleridge calls it the willing suspension of disbelief and there is also much wisdom peeping through, especially in the final verse. -Ekim777
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Ekim, thank you so much :-) I appreciate your sixth star. Brooke
Comment from Curly Girly
This is a really enjoyable story-poem to read. I am sure it would make a good children's book. You chose a lovely illustration to go with it too. Little girls will love this!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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This is a really enjoyable story-poem to read. I am sure it would make a good children's book. You chose a lovely illustration to go with it too. Little girls will love this!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Curly Girly, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from granny goes viral
O.K. All the things you say to me about form and all that stuff, I say back to you. Plus a big "awwwwwwwww", 'cause the made me go "awwwwwwww". Also, what I Sawyer doing up there? I loved that photo. Fearless kid isn't he?
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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O.K. All the things you say to me about form and all that stuff, I say back to you. Plus a big "awwwwwwwww", 'cause the made me go "awwwwwwww". Also, what I Sawyer doing up there? I loved that photo. Fearless kid isn't he?
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Granny, thank you so very much, my friend - I appreciate your generous six. He is harnessed in and then attached to two bungee cords - the harder you jump, the higher you go. With a little help from the attendant helping him to push, he was twenty feet up in the air. :-) Brooke
