Comeuppance
The Great War.28 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
Better this time around although not as recognizable as Passchendaele. You include lots of period slang missing from the literature during and after the conflict by the actual participants. It adds color to your dialog though somewhat distracting.
As was noted among the Americans, "Why stab a guy when you can shoot him?" It was in Vietnam when stealth was important that the patrols, especially the LRRPs, used silence and improvised weapons to achieve that.
In reality, the only Americans in the battle in 1917 were a few of the New Yorkers, Black Americans, seconded to the French to quiet the demands on Pershing for immediately placing American troops in the line. The Americans came into the conflict as an army during the 1918 German offensive, The German generals were counting on the troops brought from the eastern front to outnumber the British and Franch. This, after Bolshevik Russia signed the armistice with German forces to end their war so they could concentrate on consolidating their political power.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2017
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Better this time around although not as recognizable as Passchendaele. You include lots of period slang missing from the literature during and after the conflict by the actual participants. It adds color to your dialog though somewhat distracting.
As was noted among the Americans, "Why stab a guy when you can shoot him?" It was in Vietnam when stealth was important that the patrols, especially the LRRPs, used silence and improvised weapons to achieve that.
In reality, the only Americans in the battle in 1917 were a few of the New Yorkers, Black Americans, seconded to the French to quiet the demands on Pershing for immediately placing American troops in the line. The Americans came into the conflict as an army during the 1918 German offensive, The German generals were counting on the troops brought from the eastern front to outnumber the British and Franch. This, after Bolshevik Russia signed the armistice with German forces to end their war so they could concentrate on consolidating their political power.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2017
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Thanks so much for review. I'm glad you enjoyed.
Even before the U.S. entered the war, a number of Americans did. Ex-pats and volunteers attached to British and Canadian units. Going over the top was not a stealthy move, but surviving was.
I was careful not to depict any particular battle or any patch of ground. I attempted to depict the little picture rather than the big one.
Thanks again.
Peace, Lee
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Ah, but as you noted, those were ex-patriot volunteers who technically risked their citizenship. They enlisted in Canada or traveled to Europe first. The US Army did not enter in force until 1918. Curiously, the US Navy was there quite early after Wilson asked for the declaration of war. They manned special railroad guns with rifles filched from an uncompleted American battleship. They were more accurate than the bombers. With their long range rifles, they could should nearly fifteen miles behind the German lines.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Sorry I'm late, been to Tenerife for a couple of weeks, lovely sunshine and sangria! This is a great story, Lee, that war was the worst ever war. More troopers were killed in the first day of the 1914-1918 war, than any other recorded. A lot buried alive in the sludge in the trenches. Your story could actually have taken place at any time during that war, or the second war. Such a senseless waste of millions of good young lads on both sides. You are a natural at writing, another great read. My brain has sprung a leak, I can't get it to work at the moment, so need to get it sorted out. :) Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Sorry I'm late, been to Tenerife for a couple of weeks, lovely sunshine and sangria! This is a great story, Lee, that war was the worst ever war. More troopers were killed in the first day of the 1914-1918 war, than any other recorded. A lot buried alive in the sludge in the trenches. Your story could actually have taken place at any time during that war, or the second war. Such a senseless waste of millions of good young lads on both sides. You are a natural at writing, another great read. My brain has sprung a leak, I can't get it to work at the moment, so need to get it sorted out. :) Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Never apologize for sunshine and sangria, dear, flaunt it!
Thanks for reading with no payout. I was not aware of that one-day record for deaths. And I wonder how they actually choose a 'first day'? I'm glad you enjoyed, Sandra, despite the grim topic. Peace, Lee
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I would pay you to read your stuff, Lee, you are quite good at this writing lark!! LOL. I am not sure how they decide which is the actual first day, but because this year was the centenary of that war, we have had loads of documentary films about it on the box. Some were only lads of 15 - 16. Can you imagine the kids of today going to war at that age? Your hero was typical of most heroes, no fuss needed or wanted. It was a great story. xxx (thanks for 'liking' my page on FB, have no idea why I was told I had to ask people, I still don't understand this tweeting and trolling, whatever trolling is.)
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I'm laughing, Sandra. I Don't have a clue about FB. I, too, was told I had to have a presence. Okay. But now, nobody can tell me what the devil I'm supposed to do with it.
I must get 30 notices a day--not about my page, though. My page is being eaten by mice even as we speak. Good on em, too!
L
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I have tried this week to do whatever I am supposed to do, still none the wiser, but it is keeping me away from writing, so I am going to give it the elbow! Mice! ugh!
Comment from mfowler
With sayings like this 'luck is war's whore' embedded in the text, you paint an overwhelming sense of futility into the proceedings; a more than reasonable assumption, given the crazy nature of trench warfare and the cost it had in human life and psychological help. I love how this man's search for a 'fag or shag' among the zig-zagging trenches reveals so much about the man, the soldiers from so many places, and the idea of war itself. His meanderings cross cultural boundaries, reveal animosities about the Americans late charge to the front, and the state of Berline's mind. I particularly enjoyed the reluctant encounter with the man whose life he saved. If it hadn't been for teh bounty of the cigarette, he would never have revealed so much. Your dialogue reveals so much as the narrative unfolds.
I don't have any shag, or a fag, but I found a lone six at the bottom of the week's rations. You're welcome to it.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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With sayings like this 'luck is war's whore' embedded in the text, you paint an overwhelming sense of futility into the proceedings; a more than reasonable assumption, given the crazy nature of trench warfare and the cost it had in human life and psychological help. I love how this man's search for a 'fag or shag' among the zig-zagging trenches reveals so much about the man, the soldiers from so many places, and the idea of war itself. His meanderings cross cultural boundaries, reveal animosities about the Americans late charge to the front, and the state of Berline's mind. I particularly enjoyed the reluctant encounter with the man whose life he saved. If it hadn't been for teh bounty of the cigarette, he would never have revealed so much. Your dialogue reveals so much as the narrative unfolds.
I don't have any shag, or a fag, but I found a lone six at the bottom of the week's rations. You're welcome to it.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thanks for this terrific review, Mark. You pick out a lot of the elements I was trying to weave into the story. The fag was a useful device. Thanks for your comments. Peace Lee
Comment from N.K. Wagner
You've captured the waltz between hope and hopelessness, Lee, where comfort is a rare, bummed smoke and allies don't look a lot more friendly than the enemy. An outstandingly depicted last hour in the trenches before the artillery barrage begins and the "boys" are ordered over the top...again. Too bad Wilson was wrong about it being the war to end all wars. Great job, Lee. :) nancy
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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You've captured the waltz between hope and hopelessness, Lee, where comfort is a rare, bummed smoke and allies don't look a lot more friendly than the enemy. An outstandingly depicted last hour in the trenches before the artillery barrage begins and the "boys" are ordered over the top...again. Too bad Wilson was wrong about it being the war to end all wars. Great job, Lee. :) nancy
Comment Written 17-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Nancy. I like your comment about the allies being just as hostile amongst themselves. The men in the trenches were a society, and as such were subject to the same foibles as any other. Thanks for your usual good, thoughtful read.
Peace, Lee
Comment from michaelcahill
I usually think to myself when I read one of your pieces, "Give me a couple years and I could write this." But, this... I don't know if I'm going to live that long! I could have read this for a long time. If you ever want to write a book on this subject, here is my order. This was a helluva great story. mikey
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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I usually think to myself when I read one of your pieces, "Give me a couple years and I could write this." But, this... I don't know if I'm going to live that long! I could have read this for a long time. If you ever want to write a book on this subject, here is my order. This was a helluva great story. mikey
Comment Written 17-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the six, Mikey, and the kind words. It's fun to write when you have so much bloody background to work with.
Again, many thanks. Peace, Lee
Comment from kiwijenny
This the toughest stuff ...wanting to make sense of it all...when there is no sense to be had....world war one made less sense than many of the other wars...luck was a whore..understanding the nonsensical was a whore too
God bless,,,well written
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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This the toughest stuff ...wanting to make sense of it all...when there is no sense to be had....world war one made less sense than many of the other wars...luck was a whore..understanding the nonsensical was a whore too
God bless,,,well written
Comment Written 16-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you, kiwijenny. I'm glad you enjoyed--even though it was a tough subject. Peace, Lee
Comment from PatVallesMangan
War stories are always difficult to read, but this had such a personal investment. It told the story like I'm guessing it really was ... the card games to distract ... the fact that some are so hurt mentally that they no longer care. Life and war are so contradictory but the author is able to show how this happens. The author is extremely effective in delivering this message. God Bless!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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War stories are always difficult to read, but this had such a personal investment. It told the story like I'm guessing it really was ... the card games to distract ... the fact that some are so hurt mentally that they no longer care. Life and war are so contradictory but the author is able to show how this happens. The author is extremely effective in delivering this message. God Bless!
Comment Written 16-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you, PatVallesMangan. I'm glad you mentioned the personal investment. War isn't nearly so horrifying when it's viewed impersonally. Thanks for a thoughtful review. Peace, Lee
Comment from Neonewman
Awesomely well-crafted piece you have written here. I knew that fag was a cigarette but was just educated on Shag! I thought that was sex according to the Austin Powers movies LOL. God Bless!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Awesomely well-crafted piece you have written here. I knew that fag was a cigarette but was just educated on Shag! I thought that was sex according to the Austin Powers movies LOL. God Bless!
Comment Written 16-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Neonewman. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Diny
Nasty was the only way to play this game. Nasty and lucky. And luck was too fickle a whore to count on.
then later you do this again...
Nasty and lucky and alert were the only tickets out. And everybody knew luck was a fickle whore.
once is enough twice is overkill
you seem to narrate... more than show with dialouge and scenes... too much background and not enough action
When you go into dialogue the story sings!
Write on- Di
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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Nasty was the only way to play this game. Nasty and lucky. And luck was too fickle a whore to count on.
then later you do this again...
Nasty and lucky and alert were the only tickets out. And everybody knew luck was a fickle whore.
once is enough twice is overkill
you seem to narrate... more than show with dialouge and scenes... too much background and not enough action
When you go into dialogue the story sings!
Write on- Di
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you. Sometimes repetition is for effect.
Peace, Lee
Comment from James Dooney
Nice work here and comeuppance is a true thing huh ! I think most wars do end up in stalemate. The Korean one did. The allies were smashed down to pusan, then they drove the North back up to the chinese border, then they came down to the middle, got bored, settled, and drew the line lol. Good work here !
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Nice work here and comeuppance is a true thing huh ! I think most wars do end up in stalemate. The Korean one did. The allies were smashed down to pusan, then they drove the North back up to the chinese border, then they came down to the middle, got bored, settled, and drew the line lol. Good work here !
Comment Written 16-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you, James. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
