Stormsong
Gothic tale in full trochaic meter52 total reviews
Comment from nancyjam
Excellent Trochaic poem, Steve. You're right i think the full trochaic
lines work well with the somber, menacing tone of this poem.
Great word choice to enhance that feeling.
Perfect artwork as well. I wish you the best in the contest. Looks like another
winner to me. Nancy
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Excellent Trochaic poem, Steve. You're right i think the full trochaic
lines work well with the somber, menacing tone of this poem.
Great word choice to enhance that feeling.
Perfect artwork as well. I wish you the best in the contest. Looks like another
winner to me. Nancy
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Nancy.
I re-worked this a couple of times and each version got a little darker and more mysterious...
Glad you liked it.
Steve
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hell yes I liked it, Steve! I thought it was very Poe-esque, and when read aloud it has an eerie, ethereal feel about it.
I just hope that dark dude decked out dapperly in grey doesn't know where I live. But, he probably does... :}
Outstanding!
Good luck...
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Hell yes I liked it, Steve! I thought it was very Poe-esque, and when read aloud it has an eerie, ethereal feel about it.
I just hope that dark dude decked out dapperly in grey doesn't know where I live. But, he probably does... :}
Outstanding!
Good luck...
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Aha, six stars from the master of dark and spooky himself - or maybe we are all students at the feet of Poe.
Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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My pleasure, Steve. Perhaps we all are at that...:}
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Wow! Everything about your poem makes me shiver. The image is perfect. The words are direct and a bit scary. The black background is perfect. I am not familiar with this format, so I will say your poem had great natural flow. I see no changes. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Wow! Everything about your poem makes me shiver. The image is perfect. The words are direct and a bit scary. The black background is perfect. I am not familiar with this format, so I will say your poem had great natural flow. I see no changes. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you!
This grew ever darker as I worked on it!
Steve
Comment from PatVallesMangan
I think that your decision to use full trochaic lines without the catalexis in the alternating lines is well complimented by having every line with an unstressed syllable at the end. It makes the poem much more powerful! The words like "thrashing and crashing" have us reeling, as we simultaneously realize the story that is unfolding. The author is the target. This is very suspenseful and the rhyme and rhythm and use of highly descriptive words make this an excellent read! Nice work!
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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I think that your decision to use full trochaic lines without the catalexis in the alternating lines is well complimented by having every line with an unstressed syllable at the end. It makes the poem much more powerful! The words like "thrashing and crashing" have us reeling, as we simultaneously realize the story that is unfolding. The author is the target. This is very suspenseful and the rhyme and rhythm and use of highly descriptive words make this an excellent read! Nice work!
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Pat - I am so glad you enjoyed my spooky piece.
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
A splendid entry into this contest, Steve. You create a ominous mood in this poetic with Poseidon presiding over all. Great descriptors of the sea with
WAVE-tip SPEAR-points FLASHing, FLASHing
The repeating words flashing, flashing in S1L4 and waiting, waiting in S4L3 add just enough drama and a sense of suspense without going over the top.
This poem has such a strong feeling of foreboding, with its creepy Poe-like references on the repeating words and the raven's presence. It does remind one of 'The Raven' which was probably his most famous poem - which was primarily in trochaic octameter with an ABCBBB rhyme scheme.
You're right that so far in this contest, you are the only one to use full 4 full Trochees in each line and for this poem it works beautifully to lure the reader in. But, then again - I don't think I've seen any two poems yet that have the same meter and rhyme scheme.
Rose.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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A splendid entry into this contest, Steve. You create a ominous mood in this poetic with Poseidon presiding over all. Great descriptors of the sea with
WAVE-tip SPEAR-points FLASHing, FLASHing
The repeating words flashing, flashing in S1L4 and waiting, waiting in S4L3 add just enough drama and a sense of suspense without going over the top.
This poem has such a strong feeling of foreboding, with its creepy Poe-like references on the repeating words and the raven's presence. It does remind one of 'The Raven' which was probably his most famous poem - which was primarily in trochaic octameter with an ABCBBB rhyme scheme.
You're right that so far in this contest, you are the only one to use full 4 full Trochees in each line and for this poem it works beautifully to lure the reader in. But, then again - I don't think I've seen any two poems yet that have the same meter and rhyme scheme.
Rose.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Rose, thanks for the great review and the six stars and of course for organising the contest too - I'll be in for as many of these as you care to come up with!
Yes, a little bit of a nod to Poe (alhough I did start with midnight crows rather than ravens...
I think I did see one latish entry that also went with 4 trochees in each line.
Steve
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Yeah - I no sooner wrote your review than I saw the other entry - both used full trochees - but with different rhyme schemes. Vive le difference!
Comment from MissMerri
Yes... I think this works very well in this poem. It is not at all monotonous, and in fact, seems very musical to me. I love the poem. It has some of the strongest images and great mood-makers I have seen in a long time. I am really spooked now... but that was probably your intention. I could find not a single thing I'd want different in this poem. It is a winner, as far as I'm concerned.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Yes... I think this works very well in this poem. It is not at all monotonous, and in fact, seems very musical to me. I love the poem. It has some of the strongest images and great mood-makers I have seen in a long time. I am really spooked now... but that was probably your intention. I could find not a single thing I'd want different in this poem. It is a winner, as far as I'm concerned.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Adonna and congratulations on your win in the ballad contest - I told you you had a winner there. Maybe I can turn the tables here...
Steve
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And I was right, of course... A most deserving winner it was! Congratulations, and I couldn't be happier. :p
Comment from thee-name
Excellent poem. Good choice of words. Understood it.
ANGRY WAVES, POSEIDON'S LEGIONS
BREAK IN THUNDER, RAGING CRASHING
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Excellent poem. Good choice of words. Understood it.
ANGRY WAVES, POSEIDON'S LEGIONS
BREAK IN THUNDER, RAGING CRASHING
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you!
Steve
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THANK YOU!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I am not that familiar with trochaic works
so I cannot reply to your question. I think it is very powerful with a foreboding message of impending doom. LOL Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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I am not that familiar with trochaic works
so I cannot reply to your question. I think it is very powerful with a foreboding message of impending doom. LOL Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Nancy
Steve
Comment from flamingstar
Yes, and I like the use of the repetitions. The first thing I thought of when I read the "wave-tip, spear-points flashing, flashing" was TSUNAMI, as the big waves are sometimes described as glinting "arrows" across the top of the incoming wave. Love the mysterious ending.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Yes, and I like the use of the repetitions. The first thing I thought of when I read the "wave-tip, spear-points flashing, flashing" was TSUNAMI, as the big waves are sometimes described as glinting "arrows" across the top of the incoming wave. Love the mysterious ending.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you - I didn't know that about tsunamis.
Steve
Comment from drivenbackward
Very good poem, kiwi. You painted this scene and character very well. A dark tale that really engages the reader. I think you nailed it.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Very good poem, kiwi. You painted this scene and character very well. A dark tale that really engages the reader. I think you nailed it.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you!
Steve
