Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "CHAPTER OCHO; PART UNO"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
47 total reviews
Comment from TKField
Well, I was secretly hoping we'd have a big shootout in this scene, but it was only a false alarm. I'm sure you're building up to some fantastic action to get this story up and running good and proper, but don't take too long about it. In other words, instead of another coffee-klatsch, let's have some violence. Keep the pages turning. I think this is plodding right now, but I'll be patient and wait for things to jell. The writing is just fine. Now blow this thing up and put the characters in a life and death struggle as quickly as possible. No more lunches and dinners and teas and breakfasts and trays of pastries. Sometimes, I feel like I'm reading a story about a bunch of people who keep having their meals interrupted. And remember, jettison ALL dialogue that does not DIRECTLY move the story forward. Cut out the small talk. In conclusion, I'd like to see this be a little more Cormac McCarthy and a little less, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. Kill off a major character or two, just to let us know no one is safe.
Jim chuckled. "I haven't asked anything about your occupation and our agreement was like questions."
This should be... "Our agreement was NO questions." Right?
PS: What IS the difference between buffalo and bison anyway?
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Well, I was secretly hoping we'd have a big shootout in this scene, but it was only a false alarm. I'm sure you're building up to some fantastic action to get this story up and running good and proper, but don't take too long about it. In other words, instead of another coffee-klatsch, let's have some violence. Keep the pages turning. I think this is plodding right now, but I'll be patient and wait for things to jell. The writing is just fine. Now blow this thing up and put the characters in a life and death struggle as quickly as possible. No more lunches and dinners and teas and breakfasts and trays of pastries. Sometimes, I feel like I'm reading a story about a bunch of people who keep having their meals interrupted. And remember, jettison ALL dialogue that does not DIRECTLY move the story forward. Cut out the small talk. In conclusion, I'd like to see this be a little more Cormac McCarthy and a little less, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. Kill off a major character or two, just to let us know no one is safe.
Jim chuckled. "I haven't asked anything about your occupation and our agreement was like questions."
This should be... "Our agreement was NO questions." Right?
PS: What IS the difference between buffalo and bison anyway?
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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The US has not buffalo. A few posts back I explained the difference. I will have plenty of action coming up, but I am laying the background for it. Also the agreement, was the questions had to be on the same subject matter, like questions. I am sure you won't like today's post at all. Thank you for the review.
Comment from jaeladarling
A bit more of a clue to the strangers. Wonder what they're after. I bet I have an idea!
Looking forward to more of this story. :)
Suggestion:
"its part of the hitch." ("it's")
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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A bit more of a clue to the strangers. Wonder what they're after. I bet I have an idea!
Looking forward to more of this story. :)
Suggestion:
"its part of the hitch." ("it's")
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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I have changed it's and its so many times, I have no clue what it is right now. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. The tension built in this, I was so worried there would be blood shed. Good, that's good to build tension. The trailor, mmm, bison with desease, what the heck is going on...wrtie more, ..quick.
padumachitta
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Hi. The tension built in this, I was so worried there would be blood shed. Good, that's good to build tension. The trailor, mmm, bison with desease, what the heck is going on...wrtie more, ..quick.
padumachitta
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from drivenbackward
Good chapter, Barbara. A very smooth read. A few notes to consider:
"Me amigo's jacket blew out of the truck. -- Missing closed quotes.
its part of the hitch." -- it's
"My gut tells me they want more than bison." -- Good intrigue.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Good chapter, Barbara. A very smooth read. A few notes to consider:
"Me amigo's jacket blew out of the truck. -- Missing closed quotes.
its part of the hitch." -- it's
"My gut tells me they want more than bison." -- Good intrigue.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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I have taken care of those little issues. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from James Dooney
This is a nice story about those living off the land. I like the depth here. I feel you go into things solidly and it works well. Good job !
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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This is a nice story about those living off the land. I like the depth here. I feel you go into things solidly and it works well. Good job !
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from James Partlow
Great descriptions, and, while this is the only chapter I've read so far, I'm already a fan. I like how the dogs play a part in the story. Your characters are believable, and, after only reading this chapter, I already have a sense of who they are. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Great descriptions, and, while this is the only chapter I've read so far, I'm already a fan. I like how the dogs play a part in the story. Your characters are believable, and, after only reading this chapter, I already have a sense of who they are. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
Great dialog again. I think romance is starting to build between Soni and Jim, but until he reveals what his real background is, Soni will never trust him.
The strangers are obviously up to no good. I expected gunplay, but Soni and Jim were armed, perhaps too well for anything the Mexicans might have.
Why do they have a lsmall livestock trailer? I doubt they are out for cattle or buffalo, It would be hard to load large animals on the open range. It seems like a long shot, but what if they work with Miguel? He had an interest in Soni's valuable horse, Midnight and he knows almost everyone from the ranch house would be at the reservation for the big celebration. Could they be horse thieves. I'm glad Soni kept part of the trailer hitch.
The mystery is continuing to deepen so more love and Irish Hugs to help resolve it,
Roger
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Hi Barbara:)
Great dialog again. I think romance is starting to build between Soni and Jim, but until he reveals what his real background is, Soni will never trust him.
The strangers are obviously up to no good. I expected gunplay, but Soni and Jim were armed, perhaps too well for anything the Mexicans might have.
Why do they have a lsmall livestock trailer? I doubt they are out for cattle or buffalo, It would be hard to load large animals on the open range. It seems like a long shot, but what if they work with Miguel? He had an interest in Soni's valuable horse, Midnight and he knows almost everyone from the ranch house would be at the reservation for the big celebration. Could they be horse thieves. I'm glad Soni kept part of the trailer hitch.
The mystery is continuing to deepen so more love and Irish Hugs to help resolve it,
Roger
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review. I like your thinking.
Comment from lindalcreel
Just as I'm sure they're there to cause trouble; I'm just as sure they are somehow connected to Miguel. Guess we'll have to wait and see what happens next, but I'm sure if he is involved, he won;t be happy that Soni stopped them from getting what they came after. Maybe they intended to load the trailer with drugs and transport them. Just a guess.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Just as I'm sure they're there to cause trouble; I'm just as sure they are somehow connected to Miguel. Guess we'll have to wait and see what happens next, but I'm sure if he is involved, he won;t be happy that Soni stopped them from getting what they came after. Maybe they intended to load the trailer with drugs and transport them. Just a guess.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
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My pleasure:)
Comment from country ranch writer
SOUNDS LIKE A BAD TIME IS GOING TO HAPPEN RIGHT SOON WHEN THEY DISCOVER THE TRAILER MISSING, SMUGGLERS OR DOPE DEALERS THEY MIGHT BE.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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SOUNDS LIKE A BAD TIME IS GOING TO HAPPEN RIGHT SOON WHEN THEY DISCOVER THE TRAILER MISSING, SMUGGLERS OR DOPE DEALERS THEY MIGHT BE.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
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S M I L E
Comment from Curly Girly
This is well written with natural sounding dialogue. I liked the exchanges between the two languages. Scary though! They could have been murdered -- you can't trust strangers. Harley is very cute. I have Bounty sitting at my feet.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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This is well written with natural sounding dialogue. I liked the exchanges between the two languages. Scary though! They could have been murdered -- you can't trust strangers. Harley is very cute. I have Bounty sitting at my feet.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
