Comment from mikemagine

Excellent

HA! Nice twist, very funny story. Love how this is set up, and it KEPT me laughing! I'd say change not a thing and keep 'em coming!

Mike

 Comment Written 30-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014

Thanks, Mike. Glad you liked it. :)

reply by mikemagine on 30-Oct-2014

You bet!

Comment from Emily George

Excellent

I felt really upset when I knew it was a dog, the wife I had thought to then. This was bad, but the dog. Wow just to save on the vet bill.
You really suck the reader in with this twist at the end. Well done.The one sided conversation a nice touch you pulled it off well.
Good luck with contest

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014

Thanks, Emily. We'll see just how well come time to vote in the contest. I think the jury's still out on this one.

Comment from Thewriterwithnoname

Good

You have a nice framework for a story here but I didn't feel that the dialogue was natural enough. The was it was written, the exposition felt forced. I can't imagine a conversation actually going like that, so if you didn't, I would recommend writing the other half of the conversation and then erasing it. Another thing, I didn't like the placement of the line "You never could stand the sight of blood." He drops this when he hasn't even mentioned blood, so it feels misplaced. I would insert it later after he talks about cleaning up the blood. Best of luck.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014

I made some edits. Thanks for your review.

Comment from GeraldS

Excellent

This hole story was nicely done. The narrative is well written and the conversation is believable. About half way through, the reader becomes suspicious about what kind of female is being buried. But the story is still interesting from start to finish.

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014

Thanks, Gerald. Glad you liked the story. :}

Comment from BunnyS

Excellent

Okay... so I love dogs and that part got to me but I have to admit the story was very well written. And even though it was one sided, it made perfect sense. Not an easy task!
What's really sad is that, and I'm sure this was intentional, through the whole story, I thought it was a woman and it bothered me more that it was a dog. Very sad indeed!
Great job!

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014

Yeah, either one would be pretty bad, Bunny, but I think a dog would bother me more too, so you're not alone, LOL.

Thanks for the review! :}

Comment from angelface2

Excellent

Wow, you had me going for a little bit, but I caught on early. I noticed one place you say Elise and then Elsie in another. Probably a typo. Good job. Miss Sally

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014

Thanks, Miss Sally, and I'll be sure to correct that. :}

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Thanks for your well written and entertaining story. You had me for awhile. I took the bait like a cat fish sucks on chicken liver. Great job. :-)

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014

Chicken liver's go-o-o-o-o-o-o-d, Ric, LOL.

Thanks for the review. :}

Comment from sibhus

Excellent

This was clever. I liked how you imlied it was murder of a person and then with little hints worked it into putting a dog down. I guess the best clue was about her being a couch potato. I thought it was humorous while at the same time a little horrifying. Still it makes for an excellent entry to the contest and good luck.

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, sibhus, and I really appreciate you playing along.

Much obliged for the review. :}

Comment from Charley489

Excellent

You did a great job projecting what was said from the other side of the phone and the overall flow appeared natural.

A couple of very minor points:

"I forgot you have a weak stomach for that sort of thing. You always have."

I think Had works better than have for the above statement as it appears to be recapping past behavior.

Also I could imagine the voice on the other end of the phone asking why selecting a location where the ground is constantly disturbed by plowing as a wise choice - would not the next plowing season uncover the body?

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Not if the hole is dug very deeply, as my protagonist suggests. Plowing only disturbs a couple of inches of the soil, not six or seven feet down, LOL.

Thanks very much for your thoughts and review. :}

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

whew! lol - you had me going there. I love the surprise ending. Very interesting to read but you do have some spag. agraphobic - agoraphobic; In the paragraph about Elise, one time you have it as Elsie. Good luck in the contest!
Teresa

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Got it, Teresa, and thanks! I'm glad you liked the story overall, and i appreciate your encouraging review. :}