Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

When I entered the kitchen, - add comma
Mom's stare bore a hole...good use of non-verbal communication to enhance the spoken conversation
typo - I would love to her Suzy sing - hear
"My little angels." Daddy said - make that a comma
good night, my sweet princess - add comma for direct address
You be a good girl, Amanda, - add second comma
Katie, who always had to compete - add comma
excellent character development
Brooke

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014

Thank you for your review.

Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens

Excellent

I read your previous chapters as well. You are off to a good start with a very interesting story. It is presented well and from the perspective of an abused 8 year old, who tries to make the best our of life. Amanda is a great little character. Her mother, is as many abusive adults are, wrapped up in herself. Aunt Laura and Uncle Bob are both gems.
I did find several typos in each chapter that I am sure you will catch with a 'read aloud edit' on your part.
Great job, I will be following with anticipation as the
'kids' go through their summer on the farm.
:-) Carolyn

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Oct-2014

Thank you for this most encouraging review. I am glad you like the story line.

Comment from onebrit

Excellent

This is seemingly a happy story, but there is an undercurrent of sadness underneath. Why are some parents so cruel to their children I wonder. Im glad they had a week of happiness at the farm with a loving Aunt and Uncle.

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2014

Thanks for reading the story and taking the time to write a review.

Comment from abbasjoy

Excellent

It sounds like Amanda's mom is really mean to her. This is a sad but all too common story of child abuse, Yet her dad seems to be totally different.
Many times, on the surface we can't see what causes individuals to abuse their children, however, even if there is something in her background that causes this type of behaviour, that is no excuse.
It leaves the reader almost wishing the mother would stay away and allow Amanda to stay with her aunt and uncle.
Well expressed and interesting Looking forward to the next chapter.

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2014

Thank you for your review. I feel like the sentences are a bit choppy and too rigid. Did you get that when you were reading it?

reply by abbasjoy on 09-Oct-2014

At times it seemed perhaps what you would call choppy, but it brought a naturalness to the story, reflecting Amanda's feelings of fear of her mother.

reply by the author on 09-Oct-2014

So, would you change it or leave it alone?

reply by abbasjoy on 09-Oct-2014

There are a few places where I would join paragraphs. See below as some examples.


Then Aunt Laura told us kids to go outside and play while she did the dishes.

We took off out the back screen door. We played tag, hide and go seek and mother may I. Then, Aunt Laura came outside handing each one of us mason jars with holes punched in the lid. They were to catch fireflies in, she explained to us.
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We all sat on the porch until late in the night listening to the crickets chirp and watching the fireflies blinking in the night.

I don't think you could have made a night more perfect and peaceful, if you tried to. I love being here at the farm and I secretly prayed to God that somehow I could stay here and never have to go back to Greenville with Mom again. I knew that was never going to happen, but I still asked anyway.

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I told her all about my year at school. How I was learning to add more than one row of numbers and how I won the spelling bee for the entire second grade. That I didn't like my teacher and I was glad that school was out and we were at the farm.

Katie who always had to compete with everything I said, told that she had a great year and everything had been easy for her and that she loved her teacher.

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Mrs. Henderson, who was a retired school teacher, seemed to know that Katie was exaggerating a little. But, she didn't let on like she did, to Katie anyway.

Then, Kenny piped in telling how he was in kindergarten and had learned all his ABC's and123's and he would miss his kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Emily so much next year.

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