The Sad Tale of Thaddeus Jones
Now, I carry on...26 total reviews
Comment from justafan
Scared the crap out of me...didn't expect the picture at the end rascal. You don't need my lil comments but I want to give them. Spooky good!!
Missy
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Scared the crap out of me...didn't expect the picture at the end rascal. You don't need my lil comments but I want to give them. Spooky good!!
Missy
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Hey, I'll take all the comments I can get, Missy. Whadda'ya mean, I don't need your comments? Of course I do, your opinion is very important to me. But, it is a little creepy, ain't it, heh-heh...
Thanks for digging this one up from the FanStory pile of obscurity and giving me your opinions on it. It came in second place in the contest in which it was entered. But, we can't win 'em all, just try to.
Much appreciated, my friend! ~Dean :}
Comment from faragon
You wrote a very chilling poem about my favorite time of the year. Quite a different take on the normal stuff written. I like the way the poem flows and he ending is awesome!
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You wrote a very chilling poem about my favorite time of the year. Quite a different take on the normal stuff written. I like the way the poem flows and he ending is awesome!
Comment Written 29-Dec-2014
Comment from Lighthouse Keeper
You got me too curious not to read. This is a brilliant ending image. It brings the whole thing home and Thaddeus exactly as I would imagine his bony countenance. Excellent piece. Love it. We have some things in common in our writing. Glad to have made the connection!
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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You got me too curious not to read. This is a brilliant ending image. It brings the whole thing home and Thaddeus exactly as I would imagine his bony countenance. Excellent piece. Love it. We have some things in common in our writing. Glad to have made the connection!
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Me too, my friend. I believe I'll fan you so as not to miss your writing. I'm a big fan of your style. :}
Thanks for taking time out to review the piece for me. It's very much appreciated.
Comment from adewpearl
great cadence produced by your internal rhyming
ghouls' ghastly deeds - add the apostrophe for plural possessive
excellent use of alliteration throughout your grim descriptive detail
I love the tone in the warning of this cautionary tale :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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great cadence produced by your internal rhyming
ghouls' ghastly deeds - add the apostrophe for plural possessive
excellent use of alliteration throughout your grim descriptive detail
I love the tone in the warning of this cautionary tale :-) Brooke
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Brooke. I liked the way it worked out, and it went in a completely different direction than I originally intended. It's like it had a mind of it's own, and wrote itself.
...Thaddeus? Is that you??! LOL...
Comment from pipersfancy
Creepy good stuff, Dean! Yup - I think this may, in fact, be the creepiest, ghastliest and most terrifying Halloween poem ever... I definitely fear that sense of being possessed by something outside of my control, something evil, getting in my head. I actually studied psych. in university and I recall having nightmares for years about the possibility of going mad... having to walk that journey of schizophrenia, or bipolar... I think that must be a terrifying experience. (I know it's pretty terrifying to observe it taking place in a loved one, so I can only imagine the horror the person experiencing it directly must feel.)
Anyway... you've sent me off to bed with the hair on the back of my neck raised in fear... good job!
Best of luck in the contest,
Christina
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Creepy good stuff, Dean! Yup - I think this may, in fact, be the creepiest, ghastliest and most terrifying Halloween poem ever... I definitely fear that sense of being possessed by something outside of my control, something evil, getting in my head. I actually studied psych. in university and I recall having nightmares for years about the possibility of going mad... having to walk that journey of schizophrenia, or bipolar... I think that must be a terrifying experience. (I know it's pretty terrifying to observe it taking place in a loved one, so I can only imagine the horror the person experiencing it directly must feel.)
Anyway... you've sent me off to bed with the hair on the back of my neck raised in fear... good job!
Best of luck in the contest,
Christina
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Christina, and I'm happy that you, at least, thought so. Not so with the voters, as they chose Michael Cahill's "Kiddie Stew" as top dog.
I fear I'm losing my touch.
No more Mr. NiceGuy, heh-heh...
Thanks so much for the exceptional rating and review. :)
Comment from kiwijenny
Cool, Dean and Thaddeus had a wife called Anna-rexia....sawed her in two and had twice the fright..Thaddeus became Thadde-me
I saw him on my mirror'd face..his head my neck and chest...who will I transplant there next... Could I be a ghoul .....?
God bless
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Cool, Dean and Thaddeus had a wife called Anna-rexia....sawed her in two and had twice the fright..Thaddeus became Thadde-me
I saw him on my mirror'd face..his head my neck and chest...who will I transplant there next... Could I be a ghoul .....?
God bless
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Heh-heh, thanks, kiwijenny. Your comments are appreciated. :)
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Dean - I don't have to say you have done well with this gruesome poem. This is your forte. Excellent internal rhyming and the whole poem was perfectly eerie and frightening and the end was great - unexpected which makes it stick in the mind. Good Luck in the contest. Definitely adult reading. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Hi Dean - I don't have to say you have done well with this gruesome poem. This is your forte. Excellent internal rhyming and the whole poem was perfectly eerie and frightening and the end was great - unexpected which makes it stick in the mind. Good Luck in the contest. Definitely adult reading. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Dorothy, I lost the contest by a single vote and tied for second. However, I do appreciate your comments and thoughtful review.
Thanks a bunch.
Comment from Domino 2
A fabulous entry, Deano, and bad luck in coming second.
Very atmospheric and creepy.
MOSTLY in top meter, though just a few lines need tidying up, IMO, and with respect:
'Ghouls ghastly deeds, death throes in gloom -- coffin creaks forecasting doom' - 'COFF-in' breaks the beat emphasis, and a simple fix is to insert, 'the' before 'coffin'
'of purest evil -- a horrid pox -- contained within one wooden box' - simply delete 'a' before 'horrid'
'Halloween's minions soon appeared as Thaddeus's soul was seared' - you start line with an emphasised syllable.
'He laid gnarled hands upon my head, turned to me, then quietly said' - you have two emphasised syllables running, in 'head/turned' and 'quietly reads as three syllables, so maybe change that to 'SOFT-ly'
'to seal Hell's evil in its crate. Hurry now, 'fore it's too late!' - you need an un-emphasised syllable between 'crate/hurry' - maybe something like, 'please'.
''Twas then when I arose and saw in bedside mirror, a bony maw' - 'MIRR-or/a' are two un-emphasised syllables running.
Whew - I hope you appreciate me, as this took twenty minutes to annoy you. LOL.
Great read!
Cheers, Ray.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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A fabulous entry, Deano, and bad luck in coming second.
Very atmospheric and creepy.
MOSTLY in top meter, though just a few lines need tidying up, IMO, and with respect:
'Ghouls ghastly deeds, death throes in gloom -- coffin creaks forecasting doom' - 'COFF-in' breaks the beat emphasis, and a simple fix is to insert, 'the' before 'coffin'
'of purest evil -- a horrid pox -- contained within one wooden box' - simply delete 'a' before 'horrid'
'Halloween's minions soon appeared as Thaddeus's soul was seared' - you start line with an emphasised syllable.
'He laid gnarled hands upon my head, turned to me, then quietly said' - you have two emphasised syllables running, in 'head/turned' and 'quietly reads as three syllables, so maybe change that to 'SOFT-ly'
'to seal Hell's evil in its crate. Hurry now, 'fore it's too late!' - you need an un-emphasised syllable between 'crate/hurry' - maybe something like, 'please'.
''Twas then when I arose and saw in bedside mirror, a bony maw' - 'MIRR-or/a' are two un-emphasised syllables running.
Whew - I hope you appreciate me, as this took twenty minutes to annoy you. LOL.
Great read!
Cheers, Ray.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Ha-hah, you know I always appreciate your time, Ray. I have made a few changes, I hope it reads much smoother now.
Now wonder I lost the contest, LOL!
Thanks for the comments and review, my friend. :)
Comment from ravenblack
I don't think I need to mention it as it is always true of your work, but excellent rhythm and rhyme. A ghoulish combination of Dorian Gray and Pandora's box only once opened, having taken Thaddeus' labor on yourself, you have to put it all back in. Just one little glitch- banshee sheiks-banshee shrieks. And to be honest, it feels like you might need or were holding back a few stanzas before the final couplet. Great imagery too- effluvium soon filled the halls.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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I don't think I need to mention it as it is always true of your work, but excellent rhythm and rhyme. A ghoulish combination of Dorian Gray and Pandora's box only once opened, having taken Thaddeus' labor on yourself, you have to put it all back in. Just one little glitch- banshee sheiks-banshee shrieks. And to be honest, it feels like you might need or were holding back a few stanzas before the final couplet. Great imagery too- effluvium soon filled the halls.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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No, not holding anything back, Ed. I simply didn't want readers to know that my narrator had been possessed by the tortured soul of Thaddeus Jones, is all, not until the very end. I am not sure most "got it" even then, LOL.
Comment from Delahay
Oh this is a nicely eerie and creepy tale for the time of year we are approaching. What a terrible price to pay for fame and renown. Then the poor spectator being drawn in to the evil.
I do have one question. I don't know what a banshee sheik is (third line). I know what a banshee is, I know what a sheik is, but I've never seen the two words together. I do know that banshees shriek.
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Oh this is a nicely eerie and creepy tale for the time of year we are approaching. What a terrible price to pay for fame and renown. Then the poor spectator being drawn in to the evil.
I do have one question. I don't know what a banshee sheik is (third line). I know what a banshee is, I know what a sheik is, but I've never seen the two words together. I do know that banshees shriek.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
