The Summer of 1978
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Mess"Amanda McKinney's life changes that summer.
4 total reviews
Comment from J. Dark
Great atmosphere and flow to this piece. I loved the description of Katie and the soothing feel to the ending.
I did wonder if "Katie said" in your second line would read better as "Katie spoke", because you had already opened the sentence with "said".
An excellent and entertaining work. Well done.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2014
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Great atmosphere and flow to this piece. I loved the description of Katie and the soothing feel to the ending.
I did wonder if "Katie said" in your second line would read better as "Katie spoke", because you had already opened the sentence with "said".
An excellent and entertaining work. Well done.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
Comment Written 09-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2014
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Thank you for taking the time to read and write an encouraging and helpful review. LyngLyng
Comment from drivenbackward
Good content, lyn. However, a few too many grammatical errors for a five. Notes to consider:
Katie rolled over and said,"We better go ahead and get dressed. -- Need space after comma. Also, where do you close these quotes?
pail to collect the milk with -- Delete 'with'
mooing too loud again, -- Period
I said trying to keep from laughing in her face. -- Comma after 'said'
Katie said like she might start crying she was so mad. -- Delete 'she was so mad.' Telling.
red headed -- 'red-headed'
It was odd that Katie could be so different from me and yet we were the best of friends, -- Period.
Before I could answer Mom interrupted and said that I had wanted to pick some blueberries off the fence and got my legs caught in the brier bush. -- Check paragraph spacing.
"Mama,I finished cleaning up the kitchen. What happened to Amanda?" -- Add space after comma.
telling me that I needed to rest -- Missing period.
My sweet Amanda, you are going to be safe here. -- Needs to be in quotations.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Good content, lyn. However, a few too many grammatical errors for a five. Notes to consider:
Katie rolled over and said,"We better go ahead and get dressed. -- Need space after comma. Also, where do you close these quotes?
pail to collect the milk with -- Delete 'with'
mooing too loud again, -- Period
I said trying to keep from laughing in her face. -- Comma after 'said'
Katie said like she might start crying she was so mad. -- Delete 'she was so mad.' Telling.
red headed -- 'red-headed'
It was odd that Katie could be so different from me and yet we were the best of friends, -- Period.
Before I could answer Mom interrupted and said that I had wanted to pick some blueberries off the fence and got my legs caught in the brier bush. -- Check paragraph spacing.
"Mama,I finished cleaning up the kitchen. What happened to Amanda?" -- Add space after comma.
telling me that I needed to rest -- Missing period.
My sweet Amanda, you are going to be safe here. -- Needs to be in quotations.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Thank you for taking the time to correct my errors. I appreciate the feedback. LyngLyng
Comment from onebrit
Well this has all the elements of a fine chapter. Drama, humor, pathos and sweetness. What a very kind Aunt, and what a difficult mother. No doubt things will work out as they should eventually, enjoying this.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Well this has all the elements of a fine chapter. Drama, humor, pathos and sweetness. What a very kind Aunt, and what a difficult mother. No doubt things will work out as they should eventually, enjoying this.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Thanks for your very kind and encouraging review.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello lynglyng,
This sounds like a heartwarming story of growing up, childhood pain and joy.
I enjoyed the read. Watch out for the punctuation, though. :)
Have a lovely week.
Until next time,
Sonali :)
The sound of roosters crowing woke me up the next morning. Katie rolled over and said(, "W)e better go ahead and get dressed(.) (Y)ou know they want us to milk the cow and collect the eggs from the chicken coop.
We entered the barn(,) carrying a pail to
walking over to it to collect the eggs(,) I began to feel a little nervous. (T)hose chickens
chicken and prayed(,) asking God (not to) let the chicken peck my eyeballs
from the chicken(.) I went form coop to coop
have a psycho cow(,)" Katie said like she might start
crying
He(r) bedroom was pink and white. She had two canopy twin beds with
I(,) on the other hand(,) was long legged, red headed and freckle(-)face(d).
;. She had already put scrambled eggs on our plates and poured all us kids mil(k) to drink.
that aren't even in season yet(,)" Aunt Laura said with a
didn't raise me to disrespect (m)y aunt and uncle's house
doctored me up she told me she wanted me to rest (a)
on her feather bed. She put a light quit over me and fluffed (b) ... (a) and (b) lines need to merge into one. (Delete the space)
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Hello lynglyng,
This sounds like a heartwarming story of growing up, childhood pain and joy.
I enjoyed the read. Watch out for the punctuation, though. :)
Have a lovely week.
Until next time,
Sonali :)
The sound of roosters crowing woke me up the next morning. Katie rolled over and said(, "W)e better go ahead and get dressed(.) (Y)ou know they want us to milk the cow and collect the eggs from the chicken coop.
We entered the barn(,) carrying a pail to
walking over to it to collect the eggs(,) I began to feel a little nervous. (T)hose chickens
chicken and prayed(,) asking God (not to) let the chicken peck my eyeballs
from the chicken(.) I went form coop to coop
have a psycho cow(,)" Katie said like she might start
crying
He(r) bedroom was pink and white. She had two canopy twin beds with
I(,) on the other hand(,) was long legged, red headed and freckle(-)face(d).
;. She had already put scrambled eggs on our plates and poured all us kids mil(k) to drink.
that aren't even in season yet(,)" Aunt Laura said with a
didn't raise me to disrespect (m)y aunt and uncle's house
doctored me up she told me she wanted me to rest (a)
on her feather bed. She put a light quit over me and fluffed (b) ... (a) and (b) lines need to merge into one. (Delete the space)
Comment Written 06-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Thank you for taking the time to correct my punctuation. I struggle with it the most. I love to write, but I am very rusty on my grammar. Thank you again for the time you took to make these corrections.
