Renewal
Steps to mend heart, mind and soul28 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
A very smooth minute poem. It has a contemplative mood that turns joyful in the end. I had to go back and read it a second time to catch the rhyme--which was solid--because you wove the message together so well. I hope you do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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A very smooth minute poem. It has a contemplative mood that turns joyful in the end. I had to go back and read it a second time to catch the rhyme--which was solid--because you wove the message together so well. I hope you do well in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014
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Thanks, w.j. I appreciate that you looked it over a second time.
Comment from michaelcahill
This form seems to suit you quite well. A sweeping statement and then you quickly focus it down to a sharp point. I like this piece. It takes full advantage of the form and it makes a strong thoughtful and feeling piece. mikey
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014
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This form seems to suit you quite well. A sweeping statement and then you quickly focus it down to a sharp point. I like this piece. It takes full advantage of the form and it makes a strong thoughtful and feeling piece. mikey
Comment Written 06-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2014
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Thanks, mikey. I find end rhyme next to impossible. But readers helped me out.
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Shari.
Your poem is beautiful and flows so well. Sorry, I can't comment on style, but the content is great. Your opening line really grabbed me as did the ending. Best of luck in the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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Hi, Shari.
Your poem is beautiful and flows so well. Sorry, I can't comment on style, but the content is great. Your opening line really grabbed me as did the ending. Best of luck in the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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Thanks for a wonderful review, Rosalyne.
Comment from patcelaw
This is not a rhyming message, it is more free verse. Free verse is as effective in some case as is rhyming. This works for me and I like the message of taking time for yourself to mend a broken heart. Keep writing, rhyme and meter are not always what makes a good poem. If you will look at my profile and find a poem I wrote called Cats Quietly Wait, you will find I was telling a story of what I was seeing and free verse fit the bill in that case.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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This is not a rhyming message, it is more free verse. Free verse is as effective in some case as is rhyming. This works for me and I like the message of taking time for yourself to mend a broken heart. Keep writing, rhyme and meter are not always what makes a good poem. If you will look at my profile and find a poem I wrote called Cats Quietly Wait, you will find I was telling a story of what I was seeing and free verse fit the bill in that case.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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I prefer free verse and in some ways, it's more of a challenge.
And you're right about the subject matter being just right for that form. Maybe you could go into your portfolio and find the poem, highlight it and it will be the first poem to appear when I press that category.
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http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=719026
Here is the link to the Cats Quietly Wait
Just copy and paste.
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Did you hear my life story on www.oneplace.com/ministries/unshackled
The first part is today the second part will be next Sunday.
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I spent the day with my son and his family for the first time in three months. Can I catch the first part anytime on that site?
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Yes, it will be there and yu can get it anytime day and night and it will stay in the archives forever. Patricia Lawrence is my name
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I copied and pasted, but it didn't come up.
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Okay I high lighted it on my profile Try this.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. I like the theme of this. And I am sorry, I su** at rhyme:-) so can't help.
But, it reads well, hits the rules and makes me smile.
padumachitta
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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Hi. I like the theme of this. And I am sorry, I su** at rhyme:-) so can't help.
But, it reads well, hits the rules and makes me smile.
padumachitta
Comment Written 04-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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That's all I can ask for, my friend. :-) Shari
Comment from Dawny53
No need to improve! It reads just fine the way it is. Is this your first attempt at any form of rhyme and meter? Because it certainly doesn't read that way. Good luck to you!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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No need to improve! It reads just fine the way it is. Is this your first attempt at any form of rhyme and meter? Because it certainly doesn't read that way. Good luck to you!
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2014
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No, not my first attempt, Dawny, but I don't do it often as I prefer prose and free verse. Thank you so much for the compliment.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
Camping, yes, please. I've read about writing retreats and I want to do one so bad but they're so expensive and none of them are really around where I live. *Sad face* You did a great job with this and we all need this
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Camping, yes, please. I've read about writing retreats and I want to do one so bad but they're so expensive and none of them are really around where I live. *Sad face* You did a great job with this and we all need this
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Meghan, I asked for advice and got it. Put that in your notes and people are more willing to help. A writing retreat would be fun as long as the camping doesn't mean sleeping outdoors!
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Of course camping means sleeping outside. LOL
Comment from mermaids
Breathes creation, freshens my soul are great lines and are part of taking care of oneself. This is a poem that encourages the reader and is inspirational and reminds us to take care of ourselves.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Breathes creation, freshens my soul are great lines and are part of taking care of oneself. This is a poem that encourages the reader and is inspirational and reminds us to take care of ourselves.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thanks, mermaids. Glad you liked it.
Comment from boxergirl
How about a six to say it looks perrrrfect to me. Great rhyming and the message is strong as well. "Tangled in my mind, torn almost blind"" -great lines. Absolutely splendid, my dear. 8-)
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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How about a six to say it looks perrrrfect to me. Great rhyming and the message is strong as well. "Tangled in my mind, torn almost blind"" -great lines. Absolutely splendid, my dear. 8-)
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much, BG, for the exceptional review. Now I'm on the front page.
Comment from IndianaIrish
I like the message in your poem, Shari. Most days it's so difficult to squeeze in time for ourselves, and that's what we need the most. Your poem reads well to me. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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I like the message in your poem, Shari. Most days it's so difficult to squeeze in time for ourselves, and that's what we need the most. Your poem reads well to me. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Karyn, especially for the good wishes. I'm finding
it's hard to find time to write anymore.
