The Mirror
Contest entry.13 total reviews
Comment from livelylinda
Author: pretty creepy! It must soon be Halloween and all the gore and scary stuff is sneaking into our minds and words. A good story. Don't remember reading one just like this . . . could it be ORIGINALITY? Good luck in the contest. livelylinda
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Author: pretty creepy! It must soon be Halloween and all the gore and scary stuff is sneaking into our minds and words. A good story. Don't remember reading one just like this . . . could it be ORIGINALITY? Good luck in the contest. livelylinda
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the kind encouragement. LOL - if I achieved "originality" in any way, shape, or form than you have already made me a winner today.
Comment from Emily George
I want to put the light on and it's morning. Great suspense in this short write. The picture of the mirror with the face terrifying. Good read, full of intrigue.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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I want to put the light on and it's morning. Great suspense in this short write. The picture of the mirror with the face terrifying. Good read, full of intrigue.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you for such lovely encouragement. It is greatly appreciated.
Comment from drivenbackward
Good ending. Some notes to consider:
I don't believe so you can find a more gullible person to bother", Michael responded. -- Comma after 'believe'. Also, comma at end needs to be inside quotations.
His mind was racing -- 'His mind raced.' Avoids passive voice/telling. Action verbs will engage reader more and improve pace.
The ethereal image grew brighter almost erasing Michael from view -- Comma after' brighter'
As that last word was spoken the mirror filled with images of the twelve years he had spent with Marie -- Comma after 'spoken'
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Good ending. Some notes to consider:
I don't believe so you can find a more gullible person to bother", Michael responded. -- Comma after 'believe'. Also, comma at end needs to be inside quotations.
His mind was racing -- 'His mind raced.' Avoids passive voice/telling. Action verbs will engage reader more and improve pace.
The ethereal image grew brighter almost erasing Michael from view -- Comma after' brighter'
As that last word was spoken the mirror filled with images of the twelve years he had spent with Marie -- Comma after 'spoken'
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you for such kind and much needed encouragement. I will take a look at your most welcome suggestions.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ah. The devil's come to collect his due, I take it, and Michael was next in line on his "to-do" list.
If we play, eventually, we will pay, one way or another. Michael has found out just how much his debts have cost him. Everything, including his mortal soul.
Nicely done, a chilling little tale.
Good luck to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Ah. The devil's come to collect his due, I take it, and Michael was next in line on his "to-do" list.
If we play, eventually, we will pay, one way or another. Michael has found out just how much his debts have cost him. Everything, including his mortal soul.
Nicely done, a chilling little tale.
Good luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you for four out of five skulls. One more and I will have a full place setting.
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Sorry, I used the last of them on you, but you're welcome, just the same. :)
Comment from Bobby Jo
This is good and keeps the reader moving forward. What would we take back if we had the choice to do so? Who have we hurt? Great take on the darkness.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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This is good and keeps the reader moving forward. What would we take back if we had the choice to do so? Who have we hurt? Great take on the darkness.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you so such kind and encouraging feedback.
Comment from mfowler
This is a good use of the mirror metaphor. It is the conduit between death/devil and this flawed man's soul. It was great the way he showed emotion and a sense of caring towards one person he'd encountred in his callous life. He still gets his come-uppance, but he got to feel before he dies. Excellent dark storyline told very well.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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This is a good use of the mirror metaphor. It is the conduit between death/devil and this flawed man's soul. It was great the way he showed emotion and a sense of caring towards one person he'd encountred in his callous life. He still gets his come-uppance, but he got to feel before he dies. Excellent dark storyline told very well.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you so such kind and encouraging feedback.
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
Ooohhh. Spooky. What an intriguing read! A visitation (albeit an unusual one) from the angel of death, I must presume. A very original and unique way of portraying the final moments of this unrepentant (and very selfish) fellow. Well done, indeed.
Anthony.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Ooohhh. Spooky. What an intriguing read! A visitation (albeit an unusual one) from the angel of death, I must presume. A very original and unique way of portraying the final moments of this unrepentant (and very selfish) fellow. Well done, indeed.
Anthony.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you so such kind and encouraging feedback.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Acquired Taste
I've always thought when my time comes to revisit my past lie, the indiscretions, the painful words, the railing again God would be more ... I don't know ... technicolor with a host of angels crying ... and a lot longer. Granted, this is not a cast in stone 'exit interview,' but it certainly has made me consider the possibilities. Wishes for good luck in the contest. AT=/
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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I've always thought when my time comes to revisit my past lie, the indiscretions, the painful words, the railing again God would be more ... I don't know ... technicolor with a host of angels crying ... and a lot longer. Granted, this is not a cast in stone 'exit interview,' but it certainly has made me consider the possibilities. Wishes for good luck in the contest. AT=/
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you so such kind and encouraging feedback.
Comment from Rmocruz
You have well defined the prompt sentence in this interesting, suspenseful short fiction. It held my interest from beginning to end.
Well crafted.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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You have well defined the prompt sentence in this interesting, suspenseful short fiction. It held my interest from beginning to end.
Well crafted.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the much needed encouragement. I always fret over this particular genre since it is a stretch for me.
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You're welcome, it was my pleasure.
Comment from LIJ Red
I end up curious as to what the spectre in the mirror looked
like and what Michael's crimes against Marie were. But this
is smoothly written and meets the prompt.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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I end up curious as to what the spectre in the mirror looked
like and what Michael's crimes against Marie were. But this
is smoothly written and meets the prompt.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the kind encouragement and perhaps I will go into Michael's demons in a bit more detail at another time.
