Facing the Light
740 words12 total reviews
Comment from Charlene0513
You have expressed your struggle esp. the contrast between his disdain in nights opposed to the reason you dislike the morning light.
You capture the willingness to be respectful to him but mindful of the children's needs.
Leaving is the best solution until he realizes just what he will be losing if he keeps his drinking up.
Charlene
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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You have expressed your struggle esp. the contrast between his disdain in nights opposed to the reason you dislike the morning light.
You capture the willingness to be respectful to him but mindful of the children's needs.
Leaving is the best solution until he realizes just what he will be losing if he keeps his drinking up.
Charlene
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thanks for your kind remarks.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow. This is incredibly powerful, and all-too familiar a scenario. What a terrible hurt and betrayal this woman is forced to face, and what of the children? They know nothing, and if she's leaving him for good, they'll resent her for it. Sad, so sad. Just wonderful writing! Flawless, and so easy to picture!
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Wow. This is incredibly powerful, and all-too familiar a scenario. What a terrible hurt and betrayal this woman is forced to face, and what of the children? They know nothing, and if she's leaving him for good, they'll resent her for it. Sad, so sad. Just wonderful writing! Flawless, and so easy to picture!
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, especially for the stars. Yes, it's an all too familiar tale, a no-win, sad reality.
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Well-deserved - a truly compelling short story.
Comment from Bobby Jo
This is haunting and something that makes me pray for the adventure. The poor kids are in the dark and that is what is really sad. Good job.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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This is haunting and something that makes me pray for the adventure. The poor kids are in the dark and that is what is really sad. Good job.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thanks very much. I agree.
Comment from drivenbackward
Very good read, mystery author. It read very real to me. Highly engaging. Adding a little something, like some form of raw emotion she feels, at the end might help, but still solid.
As always,I'll find traces of mucous in the kitchen sink -- Add space after comma.
I drift, and sleep in snatches -- Not sure what this means.
"You must leave him." Voices whisper in the night -- Comma after 'him'. Then, 'voices'.
"Sssh," -- Need a speech tag here, so the reader knows who's speaking.
Missing period on last sentence of story.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Very good read, mystery author. It read very real to me. Highly engaging. Adding a little something, like some form of raw emotion she feels, at the end might help, but still solid.
As always,I'll find traces of mucous in the kitchen sink -- Add space after comma.
I drift, and sleep in snatches -- Not sure what this means.
"You must leave him." Voices whisper in the night -- Comma after 'him'. Then, 'voices'.
"Sssh," -- Need a speech tag here, so the reader knows who's speaking.
Missing period on last sentence of story.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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I appreciate the detailed review and have made the corrections you suggested. Thanks very much.
Comment from maggieadams
This should be published in a health magazine or an AA brochure. What you describe in very graphic detail....is the desperate vicious circle of an alcoholic. I don't think there is a family untouched by it. This is professionally written, using light and darkness to enhance the story. You say this is fiction, but it is so full of voice that it rings true. Wish I had a six, but you have my vote.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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This should be published in a health magazine or an AA brochure. What you describe in very graphic detail....is the desperate vicious circle of an alcoholic. I don't think there is a family untouched by it. This is professionally written, using light and darkness to enhance the story. You say this is fiction, but it is so full of voice that it rings true. Wish I had a six, but you have my vote.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thanks for the vote. We draw on life experiences even when pulling together a fictitious tale, and yes, I've been both a victim and an observer to this story, but it is not biographic. Thanks.
Comment from Michaelk
Wow! That was so powerful. Fortunately for your character she was able to go through with it. The problem in real life is most women can't or won't take that final step and leave.
You built great tension at a slow and steady pace. Your descriptions were great, short and to the point, yet you put strong thoughts into each one. I would say there was not one wasted or frivilous word in your entire story.
Fantastic story, with an ending that I would call happy.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Wow! That was so powerful. Fortunately for your character she was able to go through with it. The problem in real life is most women can't or won't take that final step and leave.
You built great tension at a slow and steady pace. Your descriptions were great, short and to the point, yet you put strong thoughts into each one. I would say there was not one wasted or frivilous word in your entire story.
Fantastic story, with an ending that I would call happy.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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If not happy, then at least the ending was encouraging to women who stay far too long. Thanks.
Comment from Acquired Taste
Excellent story - it makes my heart glad to see someone finally taking a step, the kids and a few clothes and simply leaving a life that is destined to become unmanageable and possibly physical. The story read nicely and made sense all the way through. AT=/
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Excellent story - it makes my heart glad to see someone finally taking a step, the kids and a few clothes and simply leaving a life that is destined to become unmanageable and possibly physical. The story read nicely and made sense all the way through. AT=/
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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I can lose the contest, but should one person recognize themselves and take action, then I am victorious. Thanks.
Comment from Cajungirl
What a fabulous story. Sounds very real. I admire the character for finally having the courage to disappear in the darkness with her children. Well done. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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What a fabulous story. Sounds very real. I admire the character for finally having the courage to disappear in the darkness with her children. Well done. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much for reading and the review.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
You made excellent use of the required sentence and connected it with the rest of your story beautifully. This is technically sound and thoroughly engaging. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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You made excellent use of the required sentence and connected it with the rest of your story beautifully. This is technically sound and thoroughly engaging. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thanks vey much.
Comment from LIJ Red
If his family hauling it don't give the old sot pause, nothing will. Why did she hang around so long, suppose?
No catastrophic spags jump out at me. Excellent.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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If his family hauling it don't give the old sot pause, nothing will. Why did she hang around so long, suppose?
No catastrophic spags jump out at me. Excellent.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thanks, I appreciate the read.
