We'll light...
For dear Maureen.110 total reviews
Comment from DSMalott
Strong Tribute.
Again, very good rhyming scheme, coupled with the three strong quatrain stanzas and good emotional word play to bring the reader into the moment.
Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Strong Tribute.
Again, very good rhyming scheme, coupled with the three strong quatrain stanzas and good emotional word play to bring the reader into the moment.
Well done.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the great review, Maureen will appreciate your thoughtsbat this time. Blessings, Roy.
Comment from Jay Squires
You've written an elegant tribute to Maureen, Roy.
So fire a beacon on the hill
A lighthouse on the rock
A candle on your windows
A set against time's clock.
Just an observation, not even a suggestion: Every time I read the above stanza, and I've done it several times, my lips form "sill" after "window", perhaps to rhyme with "hill". Was it an intentional omission?
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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You've written an elegant tribute to Maureen, Roy.
So fire a beacon on the hill
A lighthouse on the rock
A candle on your windows
A set against time's clock.
Just an observation, not even a suggestion: Every time I read the above stanza, and I've done it several times, my lips form "sill" after "window", perhaps to rhyme with "hill". Was it an intentional omission?
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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It was originally Jay, thanks for spotting, I took the punctuation out it must have
"expunged" then. Thank you also a For the great review, and your well wishes for Maureen, blessings, my friend, Roy.
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You know, I figured something like that had happened.
Comment from RGstar
I loved this, Roy.
So precise, so lyrical and so potent with truth in what we all would say to this marvellous lady.
Well done, my friend. I am writing something for release this weekend for our dear friend.
Beautifully written.
Best wishes,
RGstar
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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I loved this, Roy.
So precise, so lyrical and so potent with truth in what we all would say to this marvellous lady.
Well done, my friend. I am writing something for release this weekend for our dear friend.
Beautifully written.
Best wishes,
RGstar
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you RG I really look forward to seeing your lovely dedication to this gifted and beautiful lady! And thanks for the super review and stars, my friend, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello Roy,
What a beautiful tribute to an amazing lady.
I've been praying for her too.
A touching gesture. I hope she reads this.
God bless you, Roy.
Sonali
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Hello Roy,
What a beautiful tribute to an amazing lady.
I've been praying for her too.
A touching gesture. I hope she reads this.
God bless you, Roy.
Sonali
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you Sonali, for your heartfelt response for this tribute to a beautiful person in Maureen, blessings, Roy.
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is a touching poem of encouragement for Maureen Napier and her family, who are surely standing vigil. Maureen is such a fine poet; I'm so sorry she is so ill. Best regards, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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This is a touching poem of encouragement for Maureen Napier and her family, who are surely standing vigil. Maureen is such a fine poet; I'm so sorry she is so ill. Best regards, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you Jeanie for your touching response to the this tribute to a gifted and beautiful person in Maureen blessings, Roy.
Comment from robina1978
Very nice to find a photo of Bon Echo from a different view.
Complements a great poem with ABAB rhyme and good flow. If and when she reads this, she has to come back to us and Bon Echo
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Very nice to find a photo of Bon Echo from a different view.
Complements a great poem with ABAB rhyme and good flow. If and when she reads this, she has to come back to us and Bon Echo
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you for this great gesture toward Maureen, thank you so much ,blessings, Roy.
Comment from rama devi
Beautiful tribute to our beloved Maureen. Such a gem of a soul she is...and our Fanstory family is blessed to have her in our midst. A true inspiration to all.
The flow and rhyming are good. Good imagery, tone and substance. my only critique is on your choice to overuse commas, especially when they are not grammatically required.
In fact, I think this poem reads smoothly even without any end-line punctuation. The line breaks lend pause and since every period is at the end of a stanza, the stanza break serves to show the ending of the sentence. Suggest using no end line punctuation. For these lines, for smoother enjambment I suggest changing A to IN:
We'll stand against the shadow stark
A vigil through the night
We'll stand against the shadow stark
in vigil through the night
We'll light a candle in the dark
To guide our friend to light
We'll stand against the shadow stark
in vigil through the night
She's more than just a poet's song
Much greater she than this
In the valley shout, echoed strong
That brings God's healing kiss
So fire a beacon on the hill
A lighthouse on the rock
A candle on your windowsill
A set against time's clock
I like how the closing stanza sounds read aloud. Good flow even without smooth enjambment.
Lovely tribute. Thanks for sharing it.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Beautiful tribute to our beloved Maureen. Such a gem of a soul she is...and our Fanstory family is blessed to have her in our midst. A true inspiration to all.
The flow and rhyming are good. Good imagery, tone and substance. my only critique is on your choice to overuse commas, especially when they are not grammatically required.
In fact, I think this poem reads smoothly even without any end-line punctuation. The line breaks lend pause and since every period is at the end of a stanza, the stanza break serves to show the ending of the sentence. Suggest using no end line punctuation. For these lines, for smoother enjambment I suggest changing A to IN:
We'll stand against the shadow stark
A vigil through the night
We'll stand against the shadow stark
in vigil through the night
We'll light a candle in the dark
To guide our friend to light
We'll stand against the shadow stark
in vigil through the night
She's more than just a poet's song
Much greater she than this
In the valley shout, echoed strong
That brings God's healing kiss
So fire a beacon on the hill
A lighthouse on the rock
A candle on your windowsill
A set against time's clock
I like how the closing stanza sounds read aloud. Good flow even without smooth enjambment.
Lovely tribute. Thanks for sharing it.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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In my original draft I didn't have line punctuation, somebody in a previous work, criticised my like, two days ago I was accused of plagiarising the bible, and propaganda in a long rambling critique, I'm sorry I entered the public arena, I confined my tributes to personal friends and family, I've been lied to I think! Thanks for the thoughtful review, Roy.
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Anyone who gives you a rude or inappropriate critique should be reported. That would be unacceptable behavior on this site. Sorry you experienced that, Roy. Blessings, rd
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You're review was helpful it confirmed what I already knew, thank you RD, Roy.
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Glad to hear it. :)
Comment from tfawcus
A fine tribute to Maureen and I am with you all the way with this one. You have expressed what I think we all feel with a simple cadence that does her justice. A beautiful and heartfelt poem.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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A fine tribute to Maureen and I am with you all the way with this one. You have expressed what I think we all feel with a simple cadence that does her justice. A beautiful and heartfelt poem.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you Tony, I'm sure if she knew how many admire and appreciate her it would lift her chances, bless you Roy.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. Thank you for this lovely tribute and plea, for her to stay with us here. You have caught the respect you have for her.
It is a beautiful poem.
padumachitta
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Hi. Thank you for this lovely tribute and plea, for her to stay with us here. You have caught the respect you have for her.
It is a beautiful poem.
padumachitta
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you so for responding to the tribute to this lovely lady, I appreciate it, it shows how much she is admired! Blessings, Roy.
Comment from misscookie
Praise God for you lovely uplifting poem
Your word will touch everyone near and far.
Just like her word nestle in our hearts,
Stay on prayin ground my friend and keep the faith.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Praise God for you lovely uplifting poem
Your word will touch everyone near and far.
Just like her word nestle in our hearts,
Stay on prayin ground my friend and keep the faith.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much for the honour you pay this lovely lady, I think we have a prayer going! Great comments. Blessings. Roy.
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Be blessed .
Until next time.
Cookie
