Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Prologue "Dark Covenant"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
41 total reviews
Comment from Genya
A very well crafter story which kept me hooked all the way through. Very well told. Great setting, strong characters and excellent dialogue. A really good start to what will be a really interesting story. I am really looking forward to the next read. Genya
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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A very well crafter story which kept me hooked all the way through. Very well told. Great setting, strong characters and excellent dialogue. A really good start to what will be a really interesting story. I am really looking forward to the next read. Genya
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Genya.
Comment from lindalcreel
I love stories that include magic and this one caught my attention right away. I had hoped Corinna's sister might have turned the other way, but blood is thicker than water and she has followed her sister into a dark world. Can't wait to see what kind of trouble these girls get into. I know they will want to get back at those who banished them from their home. Excellent prologue. I'm looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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I love stories that include magic and this one caught my attention right away. I had hoped Corinna's sister might have turned the other way, but blood is thicker than water and she has followed her sister into a dark world. Can't wait to see what kind of trouble these girls get into. I know they will want to get back at those who banished them from their home. Excellent prologue. I'm looking forward to more.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much for this fine review, I hope you will enjoy the book.
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My pleasure. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Comment from James Dooney
Love your work here. Love the pic also. Damn she sure does look like a little bitch !! Keep up the good work and I hope to read more of your stuff !
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Love your work here. Love the pic also. Damn she sure does look like a little bitch !! Keep up the good work and I hope to read more of your stuff !
Comment Written 15-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2014
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Thank you, James.
Comment from Selina Stambi
A great introduction to a new novel.
You've give your reader a good background and set a strong foundation to build the story on.
Looks like we're headed for a wild ride!
Well done, Hariett!
Love,
Sonali :)
waves of an angry sea until (they reached) the quiet
shore(s) of the New
named it(comma not required) Falcon Haven, after
especially those in the public school (she attended) ..
the wooden face of a manikin... mannequin ..?
small group of followers continued (to be) rebellious
--and (are) hereby banished from The Mystic
Covenant, the outcast(s) settled in Necropolis, a cemetery
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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A great introduction to a new novel.
You've give your reader a good background and set a strong foundation to build the story on.
Looks like we're headed for a wild ride!
Well done, Hariett!
Love,
Sonali :)
waves of an angry sea until (they reached) the quiet
shore(s) of the New
named it(comma not required) Falcon Haven, after
especially those in the public school (she attended) ..
the wooden face of a manikin... mannequin ..?
small group of followers continued (to be) rebellious
--and (are) hereby banished from The Mystic
Covenant, the outcast(s) settled in Necropolis, a cemetery
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you, so much. I'll go back over it.
Comment from country ranch writer
OH DEAR MORTALS NEED TO FEAR,THE WITCHES ARE HERE AND THEY WILL MAKE THEM DO THEIR BIDDING FOR THEM BEFORE THE NIGHT IS OVER FOR THEM
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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OH DEAR MORTALS NEED TO FEAR,THE WITCHES ARE HERE AND THEY WILL MAKE THEM DO THEIR BIDDING FOR THEM BEFORE THE NIGHT IS OVER FOR THEM
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you very much.
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SMILE
Comment from Fridayauthor
Very well written presenting a very interesting setting. Quite sinister indeed.
All the descriptions are very vivid.
like a herd of buffalo... a bit of a cliché
This too...cat that just ate the canary
Thank you for a very good posting.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Very well written presenting a very interesting setting. Quite sinister indeed.
All the descriptions are very vivid.
like a herd of buffalo... a bit of a cliché
This too...cat that just ate the canary
Thank you for a very good posting.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Fridayauthor.
Comment from GracieAnn
amahara, this is written with rich and descriptive language that depicts levels of evil that most would not think about in gray terms-only black and white. This is the beginnings of a powerful novel. Captivating but dark. I don't usually read very dark write and have my limits. Thank you for the list of characters for clarity. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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amahara, this is written with rich and descriptive language that depicts levels of evil that most would not think about in gray terms-only black and white. This is the beginnings of a powerful novel. Captivating but dark. I don't usually read very dark write and have my limits. Thank you for the list of characters for clarity. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you, GracieAnn. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from jaeladarling
Creepy beginning to this story! I see a magic battle brewing, and I bet it'll be the fight of the century. Nice work on this one.
A few suggestions for your consideration:
"from North Berwick, Scotland following" (Comma after "Scotland")
"They named it, Falcon Haven," (Remove the first comma)
"The earth spirit, Asase Ya" (Remove the comma or place another one after Ya")
"and best friends, Gunner Lenox and Amber Moore" (Move the comma to after "Moore")
"into the smoke and the cave" (Comma after "smoke")
"Hilda, an elder witch said" (Comma after "witch")
"a thin wiry dark face" (Comma after "thin")
"She constantly snooped around trying to" (Comma after "around")
"charming and sweet, but deathly cold" (No comma)
"being rebellious and Harriet's" (Comma after "rebellious")
"of forbidden arts; such as," ("of forbidden arts, such as")
"(The supreme high" (Lowercase "the")
"over the years and her only" (Comma after "years")
"was her fear and loyalty to her sister." ("was her fear of and loyalty to her sister.")
"find, Corina Brewer," (Remove the comma after "find")
"Wrighthorn..."as she read (Space between the closed quotation mark and "as")
"sacrificed to sacred dragons;" (The semicolon should be a comma)
"names on the list," (The comma should be a colon.)
"and is hereby banished" (Change "is" to "are")
"the outside where horses" (Comma after "outside")
"the outcast settled in Necropolis," ("outcasts")
"and called it Ironforge." (Are you sure you want to call it Ironforge? This is the name of a major city in the popular online game World of Warcraft. You might want to be careful of stepping on some toes there. Make sure they don't have a copyright on that name or something.)
"High, in a secret tower" (No comma)
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Creepy beginning to this story! I see a magic battle brewing, and I bet it'll be the fight of the century. Nice work on this one.
A few suggestions for your consideration:
"from North Berwick, Scotland following" (Comma after "Scotland")
"They named it, Falcon Haven," (Remove the first comma)
"The earth spirit, Asase Ya" (Remove the comma or place another one after Ya")
"and best friends, Gunner Lenox and Amber Moore" (Move the comma to after "Moore")
"into the smoke and the cave" (Comma after "smoke")
"Hilda, an elder witch said" (Comma after "witch")
"a thin wiry dark face" (Comma after "thin")
"She constantly snooped around trying to" (Comma after "around")
"charming and sweet, but deathly cold" (No comma)
"being rebellious and Harriet's" (Comma after "rebellious")
"of forbidden arts; such as," ("of forbidden arts, such as")
"(The supreme high" (Lowercase "the")
"over the years and her only" (Comma after "years")
"was her fear and loyalty to her sister." ("was her fear of and loyalty to her sister.")
"find, Corina Brewer," (Remove the comma after "find")
"Wrighthorn..."as she read (Space between the closed quotation mark and "as")
"sacrificed to sacred dragons;" (The semicolon should be a comma)
"names on the list," (The comma should be a colon.)
"and is hereby banished" (Change "is" to "are")
"the outside where horses" (Comma after "outside")
"the outcast settled in Necropolis," ("outcasts")
"and called it Ironforge." (Are you sure you want to call it Ironforge? This is the name of a major city in the popular online game World of Warcraft. You might want to be careful of stepping on some toes there. Make sure they don't have a copyright on that name or something.)
"High, in a secret tower" (No comma)
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you jaeladarling. I never heard of that game. And never heard of Ironforge until I wrote it.
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I'm surprised you haven't heard of it, though I had a feeling. The have quite a large franchise. Their parent company, Blizzard, even has its own "BlizzCon" - like a comic convention, except for its own brand. I've been playing since it came out in 2004, so I'm familiar with it, and when I saw "Ironforge", I thought, uh-oh. Better watch that! ;)
Comment from robina1978
Excellent picture to complement your story, I am pleased I caught it at the beginning. A very good start and you put the characters at the bottom.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Excellent picture to complement your story, I am pleased I caught it at the beginning. A very good start and you put the characters at the bottom.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you, robina.
Comment from Donya Quijote
I think you do a good job creating both tension and atmosphere. You have captured my interest. Must find out how Corina goes about getting her revenge and how the Coven and the human residents combat her and, I assume, defeat her. Even in the witching world evil loses to good. I love tales such as this. I may have to stop back for more, as long as the chapters don't come too quickly. I won't be able to keep. Work keeps me very busy.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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I think you do a good job creating both tension and atmosphere. You have captured my interest. Must find out how Corina goes about getting her revenge and how the Coven and the human residents combat her and, I assume, defeat her. Even in the witching world evil loses to good. I love tales such as this. I may have to stop back for more, as long as the chapters don't come too quickly. I won't be able to keep. Work keeps me very busy.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, Donya. I'm so glad you'll be reading my book.
