From our soul.
Viewing comments for Chapter 60 "Evanesce."Mostly romance.
30 total reviews
Comment from Dreamdancer
Hi Miss Pili,
Stunning piece my friend. The words flow taking the reader upon a journey of time and reminiscing. The emotional impact is breath taking... Thanks for sharing... Buddy
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Hi Miss Pili,
Stunning piece my friend. The words flow taking the reader upon a journey of time and reminiscing. The emotional impact is breath taking... Thanks for sharing... Buddy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
Comment from fly4hi
Bravo. This is a real treat to read. The theme stays
clear and strong, start to finish and the imagery and
wording are excellent. Very well done, Pili. :} fly
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Bravo. This is a real treat to read. The theme stays
clear and strong, start to finish and the imagery and
wording are excellent. Very well done, Pili. :} fly
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
Comment from creativeamigo
Hola Pili Bubul, thank you for expressing overwhelming desires to blow away old mental thought patterns. Mere shadows must make way to allow a clearing to emerge. A clear space within the heart and soul where new visions, new ideas can take hold and thrive. Your passionate call is to get past, past barriers and experience today's reality. I admire the way you acknowledge the fading treasures of wisdom learned from the past in your final stanza. Your last word echos perfectly the entire poem, "evanesce" seems almost a whisper Gracias
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Hola Pili Bubul, thank you for expressing overwhelming desires to blow away old mental thought patterns. Mere shadows must make way to allow a clearing to emerge. A clear space within the heart and soul where new visions, new ideas can take hold and thrive. Your passionate call is to get past, past barriers and experience today's reality. I admire the way you acknowledge the fading treasures of wisdom learned from the past in your final stanza. Your last word echos perfectly the entire poem, "evanesce" seems almost a whisper Gracias
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
Comment from EmileJP
Bravo. This is a statement of personal freedom and it is an awakening of one's self esteem and desire to break free of conformity and explore life with new eyes and a fress soul. The imagery of this piece is well suited to the emotions solicited from the author...starting with a sullen bleak look that blossoms into the vibrant pulse with a life energy of its own propelling it along.
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Bravo. This is a statement of personal freedom and it is an awakening of one's self esteem and desire to break free of conformity and explore life with new eyes and a fress soul. The imagery of this piece is well suited to the emotions solicited from the author...starting with a sullen bleak look that blossoms into the vibrant pulse with a life energy of its own propelling it along.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
Comment from shelley kaye
this was very cool!
had a thought though
switch the the last 2 stanzas and put "i" at the beginning of the third one?
so it'd be.... "i want... i crave... i want... i observe... forever..."
?
just a thought ;-)
thnak you for sharing :-)
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this was very cool!
had a thought though
switch the the last 2 stanzas and put "i" at the beginning of the third one?
so it'd be.... "i want... i crave... i want... i observe... forever..."
?
just a thought ;-)
thnak you for sharing :-)
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
Comment from Quite Spirited
Finding a way of letting go
Sets new wheels in motion.
Sweeping winds whisk away sorrows
Ending much commotion.
Buried feelings cannot hide from
The stiff-bristled broomstick
Or the veiled breathy fingers, for
Never is there a lock
That's meant to contain human fate.
According to the stars,
Or better, life's inclination
Followed by the templars.
I may have drifted on the wind with this one;
but it was a soothing flight.
Excellent choice of word structure. Please look at line nineteen. The word its as I see it looks off. it's or is seems more likely.
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Finding a way of letting go
Sets new wheels in motion.
Sweeping winds whisk away sorrows
Ending much commotion.
Buried feelings cannot hide from
The stiff-bristled broomstick
Or the veiled breathy fingers, for
Never is there a lock
That's meant to contain human fate.
According to the stars,
Or better, life's inclination
Followed by the templars.
I may have drifted on the wind with this one;
but it was a soothing flight.
Excellent choice of word structure. Please look at line nineteen. The word its as I see it looks off. it's or is seems more likely.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
Comment from Winbow
Pili,
What does one have to do to get the intense winds of one's soul to blow away? To have clarity of mind and not be burdened by old shadows. How does one detach? Well I learned this a while ago. Feel the emotions of all those shadows. Feel them fully. Give yourself time.
Then set the shadows free into the universe. Close those old cycles. The renewed energy is amazing. The next time the shadows come to haunt say to yourself, "I have felt this before, why do I want to do it again, cast them away -Detach. See the old footprints - fade. Freedom! As you say.
This poem of yours is one of my favorites. Superbly well done.
Take Care
desiree
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Pili,
What does one have to do to get the intense winds of one's soul to blow away? To have clarity of mind and not be burdened by old shadows. How does one detach? Well I learned this a while ago. Feel the emotions of all those shadows. Feel them fully. Give yourself time.
Then set the shadows free into the universe. Close those old cycles. The renewed energy is amazing. The next time the shadows come to haunt say to yourself, "I have felt this before, why do I want to do it again, cast them away -Detach. See the old footprints - fade. Freedom! As you say.
This poem of yours is one of my favorites. Superbly well done.
Take Care
desiree
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
Comment from yeboboi
Good poem with a continuous flow. I see spirituality within it. Your punctuation was good.
I did find a couple of errors.
I crave
emptiness
with clarity,
freedom
within my heart,
detachment
from old shadows
of what once was
precious,
but its no more.
In this stanza's last line, it should either read but is no more or but it's no more.
Want to embrace
today's reality
with new vision
and open arms,
once turbulence
subside.
(In this stanza, subside = subsides)
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Good poem with a continuous flow. I see spirituality within it. Your punctuation was good.
I did find a couple of errors.
I crave
emptiness
with clarity,
freedom
within my heart,
detachment
from old shadows
of what once was
precious,
but its no more.
In this stanza's last line, it should either read but is no more or but it's no more.
Want to embrace
today's reality
with new vision
and open arms,
once turbulence
subside.
(In this stanza, subside = subsides)
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
Comment from NeuralSplyce
Interesting poem. Like the theme. Couple questions:
let them
blow far away - "them", referring to the 'winds' to blow and dance, your soul, or something in your soul? It's a bit ambiguous here
but its no more. - 'is' or 'it is'?
subside. - subsides?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Interesting poem. Like the theme. Couple questions:
let them
blow far away - "them", referring to the 'winds' to blow and dance, your soul, or something in your soul? It's a bit ambiguous here
but its no more. - 'is' or 'it is'?
subside. - subsides?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
Comment from Black Wren
I love the descriptions and the way you describe your gathered wisdoms.
Couldn't find anything to correct in this one.
Great job, the poem was enjoyable.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
I love the descriptions and the way you describe your gathered wisdoms.
Couldn't find anything to correct in this one.
Great job, the poem was enjoyable.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2005
