Comment from Loren (7)

Excellent

Loved and don't think I've ever heard this phrase: "air hangs pure and still" and then followed by a quilt, trimmed in gold - such wonderful imagery. The building up to the closing lines is not lost in the building momentum of this melancholic poem. Loren

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks, Loren

Must have been in a sentimental mood when I wrote this.

Steve

Comment from Just2Write

Exceptional

Oh, so sad, Steve. You paint such a picture of sorrow in this poem. The words are beautiful, and the sentiment so touching.
Exceptional use of iambic pentameter on every line.
Beautiful mood and flow.
Very Sonnet-like in delivery and every bit as perfect.
Good luck in the contest, Steve. Not that you need any.
Rose.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks for the wonderful review and the six stars.

I suspect I will have to take a back seat to you on this occasion.

Steve

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

That is very beautiful Steve. Your descriptions of the landscape shows what a good poet you have become. This is very lyrical. Well done my friend. Nancy

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks, Nancy

Yeah, I can fake lyrical....

Was it one of the Marx Brothers who said, 'If you can fake sincerity, you've got it mde....'?

Steve

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Nice alliteration, right out of the proverbial gate in this wonderfully written poem, Steve. In fact, some prime examples of excellent alliteration, consonance and assonance abound, all throughout the entire piece.

A melancholy musing, and a rather despondent poetic proclamation portraying the poignant effects of death, and having to continue on through life without some one --the someone, we dearly love. But death rarely makes us giddy. If it does, then I suspect we have a problem.

Well done.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks, Dean

How does the committee like tear-jerkers, I wonder....

Steve

reply by Dean Kuch on 25-Sep-2014

Well, I know this. They certainly don't care too much for mine. :}

You're very welcome, Steve.

Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

Hi Steve,

This is a terrific ABAB, with perfect meter and well chosen rhymes. You did such a good job manipulating your words into such a smooth sailing piece. Well done.

Hugs,
Lou

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks, Lou - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

I guess, a cemetery is a very peaceful place, but I am rather loathe to go too near as they give me a sense of foreboding. You have captured well the peacefulness of the setting. You have made good use of descriptive language, rhyming and imagery to convey your message. Good luck in the contest. Faye

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks, Faye - glad you enjoyed, despite the setting.

Steve

Comment from strandregs

Excellent

Hi steve
it verges on poetic.
I liked the last two stanziz most.
Rebirth is a powerful motif metaphore and means a lot in peoples psychi.
Here's an odd suggestion
If you try incorporating it in more stanzas..
In different ways
It will add umpf to a good though already hard to write abab.
Z.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks, Zelick - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is a beautiful poem, kiwisteveh, you did an excellent job painting us a picture with your words, excellent imagery presented and a sad last line. good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks for reviewing.

Steve

Comment from onebrit

Excellent

The picture just adds so much more depth to this beautiful piece. Cemeteries are very peaceful places that are easy to get lost in, figuratively speaking. I am sorry for your loss.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks for reviewing.

Steve

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

My husband is a historian and we spend a lot of time in cemeteries.they places of great beauty..I like the crazy quilt..image and holding hands as lovers do, we watched the world the world reborn? The sun ignite the pines to burning brands ! Simply beautiful and it made me homesick...for a New Zealand dawn sunrise
God bless

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks, Jenny

I'm guessing you're back in the States now?

First genuine spring day today - winter has been clinging on.

Steve

reply by kiwijenny on 25-Sep-2014

Yep I'm stateside:o)