Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Born Enemies: To The Death"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
21 total reviews
Comment from nordicgirl
Excellent albeit sad ending to this section. It had to be this way. Anything else would be unreal. So poignant when he called her Vision. Well done.
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Excellent albeit sad ending to this section. It had to be this way. Anything else would be unreal. So poignant when he called her Vision. Well done.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2014
Comment from emrpoems
to your humbel narrator ramble is exhilarating -- humble
You kept the reader engaged every second.
Sad emotional and intense is how I describe this chapter.
Sorry that Tibertin died and I am looking forward to seeing what happens next
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to your humbel narrator ramble is exhilarating -- humble
You kept the reader engaged every second.
Sad emotional and intense is how I describe this chapter.
Sorry that Tibertin died and I am looking forward to seeing what happens next
Comment Written 24-Sep-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
truly these words just painted all by themselves mikey how will my blood on your hands sit with you excellent read a delightful piece beautifully penned
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truly these words just painted all by themselves mikey how will my blood on your hands sit with you excellent read a delightful piece beautifully penned
Comment Written 24-Sep-2014
Comment from amanda98653
This is an excellent chapter, Mikey.
My only main recommendation is for you to prolong the part where Artabanus killed Tibertin
Add some flashbacks after "Tibertin's smile turned to a puzzled grimace as Artabanus drove his sword home through his upper chest." ?
You could say stuff like "Tibertin looked at Allutia and remembered all the moments they shared together-- the memories that were carved inside his veins, what could've been and would never be."
Another suggestion:
His wound was mortal and his breathing was labored.
Rephrase to eliminate the use of "his":
The mortal wound caused his breathing to become labored.
I look forward to Sound's afterlife, Mikey.
hugs
Amanda
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This is an excellent chapter, Mikey.
My only main recommendation is for you to prolong the part where Artabanus killed Tibertin
Add some flashbacks after "Tibertin's smile turned to a puzzled grimace as Artabanus drove his sword home through his upper chest." ?
You could say stuff like "Tibertin looked at Allutia and remembered all the moments they shared together-- the memories that were carved inside his veins, what could've been and would never be."
Another suggestion:
His wound was mortal and his breathing was labored.
Rephrase to eliminate the use of "his":
The mortal wound caused his breathing to become labored.
I look forward to Sound's afterlife, Mikey.
hugs
Amanda
Comment Written 24-Sep-2014
Comment from Loren (7)
Intriguing and thought provoking chapter. Shows a very human side of life and the things that challenge what and why we do the things we do. Could Allutia and Tibertin been an earlier guise of Romeo and Julliet? We will never know. Loren
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Intriguing and thought provoking chapter. Shows a very human side of life and the things that challenge what and why we do the things we do. Could Allutia and Tibertin been an earlier guise of Romeo and Julliet? We will never know. Loren
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
Comment from faragon
Nice ending to this story and really the only way it could end for the time frame. One or the other would have had to be killed. I can't wait to see what's up next...maybe the French Revolution?
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Nice ending to this story and really the only way it could end for the time frame. One or the other would have had to be killed. I can't wait to see what's up next...maybe the French Revolution?
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
Comment from Sasha
I really like how you wrote this one. It really couldn't have turned out any other way. Brilliantly written, marvelous story and I cannot wait until you post the next chapter.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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I really like how you wrote this one. It really couldn't have turned out any other way. Brilliantly written, marvelous story and I cannot wait until you post the next chapter.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Thank you sooooo much. I'm so happy you understand. It was difficult to make it somewhat tragic, but it was the only realistic ending. Not to worry. Many opportunities for a happy ending to come!! So pleased that you liked this. Big smiles!! mikey
Comment from Nosha17
I don't know when you get a chance to sleep. I do spend a lot of time on my poetry, though. Nothing comes easy and I like it to be the best it can be. That was a good, but very sad chapter, I don't like sad endings. Interesting concept, with good action scenes, characters and dialogue. Faye
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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I don't know when you get a chance to sleep. I do spend a lot of time on my poetry, though. Nothing comes easy and I like it to be the best it can be. That was a good, but very sad chapter, I don't like sad endings. Interesting concept, with good action scenes, characters and dialogue. Faye
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much. I'm sorry it's sad. It isn't my nature to write sad endings. But, it isn't the ending really. It's just the ending of this one story. There are more to come, many more. I'm worried a little that the real happy ending is so far off. It's a longs ways until 2014! mikey
Comment from Michaelk
Wow! I am emotionally drained. This review has several levels. Some you will like, some not so much.
I love the fact that Allutia saved Tibertin. I was somewhat pleased with your resolution to this story. I was also a little disappointed. How many chapters of this Roman/Persian war, Allutia/Tibertin star crossed romance, just for it to end with "Perhaps he had already gone to the other side."
I guess I was expecting more of an emotional outpouring from her.
Here's my problem. You spent a lot of time, chapters, building up this story by appealing to our emotions. I know that I became emotionally invested in your characters. Then you finished it by saying that 'Here there are no sensations to feel'. I felt a bit let down.
I think that you have inadvertently written another character into this series of stories. There is always someone who opposes Sam and Vi. I think his name was Farth in a previous chapter. He seems to be the x-factor. In this story I would say he was Allutia's father.
I would love to see a modern day romance where they meet at a coffee shop, fall in love, have to work through some commitment issues, (probably involving the 'Farth' character) then finally get married and live happily ever after until they die of old age together.
This is my honest opinion. I'm not trying to be rude or anything. It is a testament to your writing skill that I am so involved in this story.
Fantastic story. I have no idea where you will go next.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Wow! I am emotionally drained. This review has several levels. Some you will like, some not so much.
I love the fact that Allutia saved Tibertin. I was somewhat pleased with your resolution to this story. I was also a little disappointed. How many chapters of this Roman/Persian war, Allutia/Tibertin star crossed romance, just for it to end with "Perhaps he had already gone to the other side."
I guess I was expecting more of an emotional outpouring from her.
Here's my problem. You spent a lot of time, chapters, building up this story by appealing to our emotions. I know that I became emotionally invested in your characters. Then you finished it by saying that 'Here there are no sensations to feel'. I felt a bit let down.
I think that you have inadvertently written another character into this series of stories. There is always someone who opposes Sam and Vi. I think his name was Farth in a previous chapter. He seems to be the x-factor. In this story I would say he was Allutia's father.
I would love to see a modern day romance where they meet at a coffee shop, fall in love, have to work through some commitment issues, (probably involving the 'Farth' character) then finally get married and live happily ever after until they die of old age together.
This is my honest opinion. I'm not trying to be rude or anything. It is a testament to your writing skill that I am so involved in this story.
Fantastic story. I have no idea where you will go next.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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I like that you mention a modern day romance. The question is, how much of this will you suffer through to get there? Hahaha. I felt the same way with the ending and with everything you are saying. But, I do know the ending and it doesn't end here. I've been looking at a blank screen for a while now reluctant to write anymore because 2014 is sooooo far away. Changes take place on the other side and there are forces like Farth that are against them. I'm just afraid I will be assassinated before I finish! Well, you bring up a lot of good points and they're all on my mind as I try to take the next step. I appreciate your input very much. I'm glad it is involving. If you have any other thoughts, please feel free... my pen is shaking in my hand at the moment!! mikey
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Who said you had to go straight to 2014? Think about how many other time periods. The romantic period with knights you could make one a king and one a slave.
The crusades, muslim and christian (boy, wouldn't that get a little attention?)
American civil war. North and south one on each side.
How about two formerly successful people left homeless in the great depression. One can cope and the other can't.
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Yes. That's the plan. But, I can't have a bunch of happy endings really. There has to be conflicting circumstances that their bond struggles against like it did here. The problem is that in reality there are circumstances that an ignorant world won't allow all the love in the world to over come which is a lot of what the story is about.
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How about one where their core beliefs are so different, like north and south Korea?
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I need something around 200AD. But, I don't want to do Roman again. I might just jump to 1200 AD. I was thinking the time of Christ but I don't want it to revolve around that.
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A monk! you need a monk and someone who won't shut up.
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I think most of the people I know are monks, but I'm not sure, they never seem to say anything when we converse...
Comment from gypsycaravan
I read a book years ago by Ruth Montgomery, "A World Beyond." It set my thinking ever since that time about our reincarnations to learn more, grow more, complete uncompleted tasks, etc. The entire concept made sense when some are born with many deja vu moments, memories of past lives, or talents or skills from past lives evident at an unusually early age in the new lives. I am enjoying the remembering of what formed my beliefs at that time with your stories. Thanks for sharing this, mikey.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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I read a book years ago by Ruth Montgomery, "A World Beyond." It set my thinking ever since that time about our reincarnations to learn more, grow more, complete uncompleted tasks, etc. The entire concept made sense when some are born with many deja vu moments, memories of past lives, or talents or skills from past lives evident at an unusually early age in the new lives. I am enjoying the remembering of what formed my beliefs at that time with your stories. Thanks for sharing this, mikey.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Thank you. That has occurred to me often as well and I've read about it too. I am pleased you are enjoying this. It was difficult not having the happy romantic ending. But, there are more opportunities to come. mikey
