I am going to be a Texas Ranger
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Carlos Fate"It is story of an honest Mexican Police officer
3 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yeah, you have listened to some good advice and your paragraphs are much improved. There is still some polishing to do with words that need ed, and s. Also, there are cases where the word "The" is omitted, or words could be rearranged to make clearer sentences. But, PLEASE, don't take this as criticism. I am only trying to offer the same suggestions that were given to me, and have helped to improve my own work, which is still far from perfect. Below, I will give you an example of what I'm saying. Great job, and keep up the good work. :-)
>>When Customs Inspector Peter pulled in his driveway; he heard sound of breeze rattling the rear door.
(This is only a suggestion to give ideas on making this, and other, sentences more concise and clearer to read.)
>>When Customs Inspector Peter pulled in his driveway; he could hear the rear storm-door rattling in the breeze.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Yeah, you have listened to some good advice and your paragraphs are much improved. There is still some polishing to do with words that need ed, and s. Also, there are cases where the word "The" is omitted, or words could be rearranged to make clearer sentences. But, PLEASE, don't take this as criticism. I am only trying to offer the same suggestions that were given to me, and have helped to improve my own work, which is still far from perfect. Below, I will give you an example of what I'm saying. Great job, and keep up the good work. :-)
>>When Customs Inspector Peter pulled in his driveway; he heard sound of breeze rattling the rear door.
(This is only a suggestion to give ideas on making this, and other, sentences more concise and clearer to read.)
>>When Customs Inspector Peter pulled in his driveway; he could hear the rear storm-door rattling in the breeze.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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I appreciate you taking time to edit. I am having problem working on screen to read the sentences back and misses the mishaps you mentioned. I need to print and correct the errors as I did for my major work. I am going to work on those points. Thanks a lot for your encouraging comments.
Comment from GracieAnn
Niyuta, this is a timely story that shares rich insights into the current border patrol challenges we face today. The dialogue is strong and believable. Creative and well done. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Niyuta, this is a timely story that shares rich insights into the current border patrol challenges we face today. The dialogue is strong and believable. Creative and well done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Thanks for the encouraging words. I hope you will like my next chapter also.
Comment from sibhus
heard (the) sound
signs of
foot prints
were on
An interesting chapter that definitely got my interest, but you should go back and reread this, checking for missing words and word endings. It has a nice pace and the storyline is interesting, it just needs to be cleaned up.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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heard (the) sound
signs of
foot prints
were on
An interesting chapter that definitely got my interest, but you should go back and reread this, checking for missing words and word endings. It has a nice pace and the storyline is interesting, it just needs to be cleaned up.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Thanks for the excellent rating. I am going back to see why words are missing when cut and paste is done. Perhaps I am not careful. I will follow your advice.
