Silence
Naani90 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
I could have sworn I'd already reviewed this once, Steve. However, it says that I have not, so I will try (as best I can) to recall what I'd written.
I suspect many have taken this man's smile and desperate plea as a sign of loneliness. I, on the other hand, get something entirely different from this piece.
I feel he simply wishes to be left alone.
Perhaps he's just returned from the funeral of a loved one. Or, maybe he's sitting contemplating losing the love of his life, and what he could have done to keep here there with him. Maybe he's lost his job, and now he's wondering where his next meal is going to come from.
Whatever the reason, I can't help but believe that while his smile is cordial, it is also cold, and carries with it an aloofness.
I think he simply wants to be by himself.
Nicely done, and I'm sure my interpretation is far different from most. But, that's what I felt after reading.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
  |
I could have sworn I'd already reviewed this once, Steve. However, it says that I have not, so I will try (as best I can) to recall what I'd written.
I suspect many have taken this man's smile and desperate plea as a sign of loneliness. I, on the other hand, get something entirely different from this piece.
I feel he simply wishes to be left alone.
Perhaps he's just returned from the funeral of a loved one. Or, maybe he's sitting contemplating losing the love of his life, and what he could have done to keep here there with him. Maybe he's lost his job, and now he's wondering where his next meal is going to come from.
Whatever the reason, I can't help but believe that while his smile is cordial, it is also cold, and carries with it an aloofness.
I think he simply wants to be by himself.
Nicely done, and I'm sure my interpretation is far different from most. But, that's what I felt after reading.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
Thanks, Dean
.... and that is why I have left the back-story completely open, so that the reader can bring his own interpretation.
Steve
Comment from onebrit
The few words in this poem speak volumes. Poor lonely man who is so desperate for companionship, how sad it is....loneliness is endemic in our world, we should all be far kinder to each other. Well written
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
|
The few words in this poem speak volumes. Poor lonely man who is so desperate for companionship, how sad it is....loneliness is endemic in our world, we should all be far kinder to each other. Well written
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
Thank you!
Steve
Comment from sunnilicious
That is pure loneliness, but how else to make a friend. Smiles can be contagious. Well thought out and clearly expressed. Nice work.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
|
That is pure loneliness, but how else to make a friend. Smiles can be contagious. Well thought out and clearly expressed. Nice work.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
.... and thanks again for stopping by to read and review.
Steve
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
Wow! At first I didn't think this fit the prompt for a Naani poem but it definitely does & it is a terrific statement; leaves one feeling desperate too! That a poem can get a reaction out of the reader is good.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
|
Wow! At first I didn't think this fit the prompt for a Naani poem but it definitely does & it is a terrific statement; leaves one feeling desperate too! That a poem can get a reaction out of the reader is good.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
Thank you!
Steve
-
y/W GMT
Comment from sibhus
A great image and a good poem. Aren't we all sitting on that bench desperately smiling as we plead for something. Something that will fill that void deep inside. Again, a wonderful poem and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
|
A great image and a good poem. Aren't we all sitting on that bench desperately smiling as we plead for something. Something that will fill that void deep inside. Again, a wonderful poem and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Goodauthor
While this is true, the message would be strengthened by a coma or two and a period at the end.
Without these it read like a long run-on sentence. I realize this has been recognized as a good write, but many reviewers just see the words and ignore the meaning. A poetry instructor and published poet once told me: 'Proper grammar is at least as important in Poetry as it is in Prose, because it enhances the flow of your work.' While this is hotly contested by the expert poets of today.
I have read two epics over the years; one, Dante Alighieri's fourteenth century work, Inferno, (14,000 lines) and the other was 'The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe. Had these poems not employed punctuation, the reader could never have traversed the mire to the end of the work. These grossly expanded works.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
 |
While this is true, the message would be strengthened by a coma or two and a period at the end.
Without these it read like a long run-on sentence. I realize this has been recognized as a good write, but many reviewers just see the words and ignore the meaning. A poetry instructor and published poet once told me: 'Proper grammar is at least as important in Poetry as it is in Prose, because it enhances the flow of your work.' While this is hotly contested by the expert poets of today.
I have read two epics over the years; one, Dante Alighieri's fourteenth century work, Inferno, (14,000 lines) and the other was 'The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe. Had these poems not employed punctuation, the reader could never have traversed the mire to the end of the work. These grossly expanded works.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
Thanks for taking the time to review so thoroughly.
I agree with you completely about the importance of punctuation in most forms. If you care to look in my portfolio for a sonnet or a narrative poem, of which there are many, you will find they are all carefully punctuated. Indeed one reviewer refers to me as 'the punctilious punctuater!'
However, this is not Dante's great epic nor even Poe's classic - it is a simple naani which can indeed be read as a single sentence. If it was a piece of prose, I might well have used a comma after 'bench' and would certainly have finished with a period. Many non-traditional short form, however, are very sparing with punctuation. Check out any expert's advice for haiku and senryu. I believe naani fits into this category.
In any case, in such a simple poem, the meaning is clear. The line breaks provide a kind of invisible punctuation and not one reader has shown any confusion as to the meaning...
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
Steve
-
Thank you for the explaining this to me. I have studied the Naani, I have even tried it a time or two, but since Naani, like Haiku and sonnet falls into the abstract position of least liked poetry forms, it don't even recognize the form anymore. It has been many since I learned the form. I have tired to write one several times in the past to years, but coming-up short every time, I simply shoved into the back of my memory closet again. I am sorry I didn't recognize it. Thanks for the explanation.
Linda
Comment from Bina1
You give one a lot to think about with your fine work here, thank you for sharing. A fine art selection for your poem, good luck in the contest. A fine entry you offer here.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
|
You give one a lot to think about with your fine work here, thank you for sharing. A fine art selection for your poem, good luck in the contest. A fine entry you offer here.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Charlene0513
To kiwisteveh,
An expression of need as he leaves himself open to all and leaving nothing to judge to withhold against him.
Nice flow with proper syllables.
Charlene
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
|
To kiwisteveh,
An expression of need as he leaves himself open to all and leaving nothing to judge to withhold against him.
Nice flow with proper syllables.
Charlene
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
Thanks, Charlene.
Steve
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, Steve, this is so mournful, and so very authentic. I think we have all felt like this at one time or another, and the chosen words are so succinct, so perfectly paired with that loneliness, that hope for some social intercourse...a wonderful naani. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
|
Oh, Steve, this is so mournful, and so very authentic. I think we have all felt like this at one time or another, and the chosen words are so succinct, so perfectly paired with that loneliness, that hope for some social intercourse...a wonderful naani. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
Thanks, dawn
glad it made a connection.
Steve
-
It did, very much so. You're most welcome.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is a really good Naani, Steve. I t is stark and sad. The black and white photo, adds to the loneliness of the person sitting on that bench, hoping perhaps, that someone will smile back. Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
|
This is a really good Naani, Steve. I t is stark and sad. The black and white photo, adds to the loneliness of the person sitting on that bench, hoping perhaps, that someone will smile back. Good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
-
Thanks, Sandra.
Steve
