Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Born Enemies: From All Directions"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
18 total reviews
Comment from gypsycaravan
How did you decide on all these names? Research? I like the plot of the Persians seizing control when the major part of the army left to do battle. Sounds like a good stately. Nice work.
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How did you decide on all these names? Research? I like the plot of the Persians seizing control when the major part of the army left to do battle. Sounds like a good stately. Nice work.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
Comment from Darkhorse555
really mikey really enjoying reading this story you have penned pal quite the story teller you have become excellent piece of writing
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really mikey really enjoying reading this story you have penned pal quite the story teller you have become excellent piece of writing
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, this is another fresh and exciting installment that displays the heart of at least one Roman. The language is rich with great descriptors. Well done, my friend. :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, this is another fresh and exciting installment that displays the heart of at least one Roman. The language is rich with great descriptors. Well done, my friend. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
Comment from seaglass
Perhaps you've already been a gladiator. Beating the lions and bears might be a bit harder. This is one of the best chapters, in my opinion. the interaction with the child made it real. There's always human experience in war..
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Perhaps you've already been a gladiator. Beating the lions and bears might be a bit harder. This is one of the best chapters, in my opinion. the interaction with the child made it real. There's always human experience in war..
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Well, Gladiator Mike, this is a riveting chapter. I'm just sorry Flautarious had to lose his life.
A couple suggestions:
If the Romans had back up it would have arrived already. (Back-up should be hyphenated. "It" should be "they". People aren't "its".)
"Resistance was very little in all cases. The Roman soldiers did not yield without a fight." (This is a bit confusing. Was there little resistance or did they fight? You state it both ways.)
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Well, Gladiator Mike, this is a riveting chapter. I'm just sorry Flautarious had to lose his life.
A couple suggestions:
If the Romans had back up it would have arrived already. (Back-up should be hyphenated. "It" should be "they". People aren't "its".)
"Resistance was very little in all cases. The Roman soldiers did not yield without a fight." (This is a bit confusing. Was there little resistance or did they fight? You state it both ways.)
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
Comment from Sankey
Good work mate. Only a couple of possible spags this is a great read all over. Keep up the good work as I used to say to my music students hehe. Have a lot of promotion of my autobiography chapters going atm if you get time.
Now spags or suggestions...
Tow (Two)souls encounter each other
I can hear a birdsong(-s) in the courtyard
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Good work mate. Only a couple of possible spags this is a great read all over. Keep up the good work as I used to say to my music students hehe. Have a lot of promotion of my autobiography chapters going atm if you get time.
Now spags or suggestions...
Tow (Two)souls encounter each other
I can hear a birdsong(-s) in the courtyard
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
Comment from robina1978
I thought I might as well review this one as well. I think I understand it better now. But these characters I don't know, just the two ghosts.
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I thought I might as well review this one as well. I think I understand it better now. But these characters I don't know, just the two ghosts.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
Comment from CR Delport
Great descriptions. I can picture the scene with the little boy and the giant Flautarvus. As always, this is another well crafted and interesting read. Good job.
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Great descriptions. I can picture the scene with the little boy and the giant Flautarvus. As always, this is another well crafted and interesting read. Good job.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
Comment from ravenblack
Now this should be a twist- sound becomes master, vision the slave. Please bring them back to full interaction soon. I have to admit I got lost in the onslaught of names.
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Now this should be a twist- sound becomes master, vision the slave. Please bring them back to full interaction soon. I have to admit I got lost in the onslaught of names.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
Comment from Sasha
Gladiators had short life spans so try being am emperor or something a bit flashier and less dangerous. Great chapter. I found a couple of small nits you may want to look at:
Background
Tow souls encounter ...should be Two souls....
Martius made him out to be still stood over six foot tall ...this sentence doesn't read well. You may want to remove 'still stood' to make more sense...
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Gladiators had short life spans so try being am emperor or something a bit flashier and less dangerous. Great chapter. I found a couple of small nits you may want to look at:
Background
Tow souls encounter ...should be Two souls....
Martius made him out to be still stood over six foot tall ...this sentence doesn't read well. You may want to remove 'still stood' to make more sense...
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
