Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

A tragic story, but a little predictable. I know, how can you surprise someone when the purpose of the prompt is to surprise? The prompt is ill-conceived.

You realize this story is all 'tell' and no 'show', right?
'Tell' is flat, and doesn't engage the reader at all.
But if you'd 'shown' the story evolve through the characters' eyes, you would have had something much more compelling.

Just a thought.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014

Your thoughts are always appreciated. Thanks.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

WOW!!

I just got the chills! Awesome ending, even though I scantly thought that would be the case. I quickly nixed it, wanting to believe a wedding instead.

I so wish I had a sixer to give. This is very worthy. Nice job, and a great entry. Good luck in the contest.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*<*)


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 Comment Written 18-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014

Many thanks for your kind words.