Useless Prayers (haibun)
122 words29 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
This is clearly a 6, but as usual I am out. Superb prose written is perfect terse and fragmented style. The haiku is perfect and highlights the tragedy in the prose. Even without reading the other entries, this is a winner in my book. Awesome work with one of my favorite styles. I wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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This is clearly a 6, but as usual I am out. Superb prose written is perfect terse and fragmented style. The haiku is perfect and highlights the tragedy in the prose. Even without reading the other entries, this is a winner in my book. Awesome work with one of my favorite styles. I wish you all the best.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks very much. Make the phone call?
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I didn't need to. I met him after breakfast and will be posting the encounter later today.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I don't know enough to judge the Hiabun but it looks to me like you did it. I didn't see any of the forbidden words either. Good luck with the contest. Nancy
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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I don't know enough to judge the Hiabun but it looks to me like you did it. I didn't see any of the forbidden words either. Good luck with the contest. Nancy
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks. One of my favourite forms.
Comment from jlsavell
Ingrid, oh my, my assessment of your talent was just cemented in awe and in inspiration.
How very well you have synthesized an all too often tragic tale.
You evoke the reader to feel, to experience the self survival and horrendous betrayal of promises not held and dreams shattered.
As only poetry can do, its strong and condensed language widens and sharpens our perception of life's experiences.
Simply an incredible write. Favorite lines in the haiburn which connect its tragedy and betrayal ' hope issues an invitation, "save me" / synthetic smile glued in place'
The haiku is absolutely brilliant.
Once again wish I had a six. Most deserved. Best wishes with the contest. Jimi
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Ingrid, oh my, my assessment of your talent was just cemented in awe and in inspiration.
How very well you have synthesized an all too often tragic tale.
You evoke the reader to feel, to experience the self survival and horrendous betrayal of promises not held and dreams shattered.
As only poetry can do, its strong and condensed language widens and sharpens our perception of life's experiences.
Simply an incredible write. Favorite lines in the haiburn which connect its tragedy and betrayal ' hope issues an invitation, "save me" / synthetic smile glued in place'
The haiku is absolutely brilliant.
Once again wish I had a six. Most deserved. Best wishes with the contest. Jimi
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Humble thanks. Haibun is one of my favourite genres, but misunderstood when written without some reader prompts, often leading to reviewers correcting the fragmented sentences that are deliberate.
Comment from adewpearl
good use of terse style and deliberate fragments in the prose section
good touches of alliteration like in frantic frenzy and dead dreams and synthetic smile...
strong verb choices that intensify the emotion
strong expression of emotion and effective pairing of haiku and prose
and you've followed all the contest rules :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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good use of terse style and deliberate fragments in the prose section
good touches of alliteration like in frantic frenzy and dead dreams and synthetic smile...
strong verb choices that intensify the emotion
strong expression of emotion and effective pairing of haiku and prose
and you've followed all the contest rules :-) Brooke
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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A nod from you, Brooke, is like hearing a request for an encore at a talent contest.
Comment from onebrit
My inclination is to tell this poor woman to run for the hills, no matter where she goes, anything is better than being continually beaten. The tension in this piece is very well written, I can feel her fright and concern. When will women learn that they do not deserve to be beaten.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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My inclination is to tell this poor woman to run for the hills, no matter where she goes, anything is better than being continually beaten. The tension in this piece is very well written, I can feel her fright and concern. When will women learn that they do not deserve to be beaten.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
When you discover the answer, take out a full fledged ad. Thanks for reading.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Wow! That's vivid, Ingrid. You have an excellent handle on your protagonist's state, physical and emotional. Well done! :) Nancy
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Wow! That's vivid, Ingrid. You have an excellent handle on your protagonist's state, physical and emotional. Well done! :) Nancy
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks, I appreciate he read.
Comment from Domino 2
Thanks for entering, SE.
Having lost respect and love, I don't know why this lady continues to 'obey', but many stick in an abusive marriage are too scared or insecure to make the final cut and get out.
Excellent terse prose.
Fascinating use of 'feral' (untamed, undomesticated) in haiku. Maybe she's a vampire and 'feasts' upon her rotten husband, LOL, or more likely just can't stand any more and kills him.
Anyway, very thought provoking and entertaining entry.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks for entering, SE.
Having lost respect and love, I don't know why this lady continues to 'obey', but many stick in an abusive marriage are too scared or insecure to make the final cut and get out.
Excellent terse prose.
Fascinating use of 'feral' (untamed, undomesticated) in haiku. Maybe she's a vampire and 'feasts' upon her rotten husband, LOL, or more likely just can't stand any more and kills him.
Anyway, very thought provoking and entertaining entry.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Ray. Appreciate the contest.
Comment from RodG
This very short story only reminds us of how hideous domestic abuse can be for the woman who fears her husband. I really like how you set the scene and allow us to watch us during her hour-long "reprieve."
The haiku definitely captures what it must be like in that remote cabin(?) after HE returns.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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This very short story only reminds us of how hideous domestic abuse can be for the woman who fears her husband. I really like how you set the scene and allow us to watch us during her hour-long "reprieve."
The haiku definitely captures what it must be like in that remote cabin(?) after HE returns.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Tried to set that notion, but with 150 words not a lot of room for additional descriptives.
Comment from drivenbackward
Good one. Does this stem from what's happening in the NFL right now?
Frantic frenzy, scrub, clean -- Do you intend a comma after 'Frantic'?
She will obey -- Missing period. I think poem would read stronger if it ended here, but just my opinion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Good one. Does this stem from what's happening in the NFL right now?
Frantic frenzy, scrub, clean -- Do you intend a comma after 'Frantic'?
She will obey -- Missing period. I think poem would read stronger if it ended here, but just my opinion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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The haiku is mandatory for this prompt and genre. Can't end where suggested. Thanks for the catch on the final period. As for the comma between frantic and frenzy, you probably have debated comma use yourself, and to me, frenzy here is used as an action not adjective. Thanks.
