Useless Prayers (haibun)
122 words29 total reviews
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This follows the criteria of the prompt for this contest. You managed not to use the words that are forbidden to be used: a, and, the. The subject is a popular subject on a current theme. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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This follows the criteria of the prompt for this contest. You managed not to use the words that are forbidden to be used: a, and, the. The subject is a popular subject on a current theme. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 18-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Not so much popular, but in the news a lot these days due to the celebrity status of the abusers. At least those women and children watching the man's every move.
Comment from rjuselius
this is a powerful piece of poetic art! it describes well the physical and mental abuse coming from the husband! it is an important statement!
thank you for sharing! virtual six..
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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this is a powerful piece of poetic art! it describes well the physical and mental abuse coming from the husband! it is an important statement!
thank you for sharing! virtual six..
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
Comment Written 18-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Greatly appreciate the read and review.
Comment from SteveY
Very very descriptive of abuse within a home. Excellent job in coming up with the creative piece of writing. It should do very well in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Very very descriptive of abuse within a home. Excellent job in coming up with the creative piece of writing. It should do very well in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Thanks, I appreciate the rad and review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, spiritual echo, you did an excellent job with the imagery of this haibun, the tense movements that show her fear, I wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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this is an excellent write, spiritual echo, you did an excellent job with the imagery of this haibun, the tense movements that show her fear, I wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 18-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much. I appreciate the read.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Well done - bloody brilliant. Wow. that's quite the challenge, and I love what you've done with it. Love the 'onions to disguise sorrow'. The false smile, the remaining vow. Excellent writing.
If I had any sixes left...
Av
xx
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Well done - bloody brilliant. Wow. that's quite the challenge, and I love what you've done with it. Love the 'onions to disguise sorrow'. The false smile, the remaining vow. Excellent writing.
If I had any sixes left...
Av
xx
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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I'm really digging this genre. But to try and post without explanation is to have reviewers correct my fragmented sentences. Thanks.
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Welcome.
I won't be posting anything on here for a long while. :)
Comment from acerisestory
Wow, very well done, mystery writer. Yours is an impactful story about abuse. I'm not sure of your word count, but you've stayed within the prompt otherwise.
I especially am moved by this line:
From far away, beyond fields, streams, acres of
freedom, hope issues an invitation.
Your haiku is a perfect summing up of your story. This is a fabulous entry for the contest, well worth one of my sixes. Best of luck! Alana
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Wow, very well done, mystery writer. Yours is an impactful story about abuse. I'm not sure of your word count, but you've stayed within the prompt otherwise.
I especially am moved by this line:
From far away, beyond fields, streams, acres of
freedom, hope issues an invitation.
Your haiku is a perfect summing up of your story. This is a fabulous entry for the contest, well worth one of my sixes. Best of luck! Alana
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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You humble me with those 6*s. Sincere thanks. I like this genre, but see it rarely I prompts and putting it head to head with longer, more descriptive work is often misunderstood by readers. thanks for the affirmation.
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You are welcome! Alana
Comment from GWHARGIS
I could feel myself getting uptight with her. The uses of the stuttered prose worked well to convey the angst the woman felt. Loved the haiku. Great imagery and the line about the onion was so telling. Well done. Gretchen
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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I could feel myself getting uptight with her. The uses of the stuttered prose worked well to convey the angst the woman felt. Loved the haiku. Great imagery and the line about the onion was so telling. Well done. Gretchen
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Extreme thanks for that high rating and your appreciation of the haibun genre.
Comment from trimple
Hello there
Oh Boy this really packs a punch. The down trodden wife adheres to just one of her vows;'Obey'. The smell of freedom, perhaps unreachable physically, mentally she recalls the couple's past perhaps, or is it the remaining fragments of what she presumed marriage would be. The reference to 'chopping onions' was very profound and really hit me.
Your haiku ....
Clever mix of feasting and being beaten.
A fabulous write, and a superb though terribly sad, contender for this interesting prompt...
kindest regards
trimple
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Hello there
Oh Boy this really packs a punch. The down trodden wife adheres to just one of her vows;'Obey'. The smell of freedom, perhaps unreachable physically, mentally she recalls the couple's past perhaps, or is it the remaining fragments of what she presumed marriage would be. The reference to 'chopping onions' was very profound and really hit me.
Your haiku ....
Clever mix of feasting and being beaten.
A fabulous write, and a superb though terribly sad, contender for this interesting prompt...
kindest regards
trimple
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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With sincere appreciation of the read and the comments.
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You are most welcome :)
Comment from maggieadams
Every word in both prose and Haiku add to this scene....the last line in your prose...keys rattle....she will obey made me shudder . Your last line in your haiku made me cry. Great job, Ingrid. I have been away from fan story for awhile, traveling and taking a break. Hopefully, I can get up to speed again. How do you do it? There are a few of you that turn out material every week year in and year out....I am awed.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Every word in both prose and Haiku add to this scene....the last line in your prose...keys rattle....she will obey made me shudder . Your last line in your haiku made me cry. Great job, Ingrid. I have been away from fan story for awhile, traveling and taking a break. Hopefully, I can get up to speed again. How do you do it? There are a few of you that turn out material every week year in and year out....I am awed.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Maggie, if you write long enough and often, a person could make belly lint into an essay.
Thanks for your very kind words and generous rating. I'm waiting for more chapters.
Comment from Jay Squires
I didn't bother to read the writing prompt requirements. If the poem or prose doesn't move me on it's own merit, then it fails the major test. Your poem passes my test with its tough-minded, astutely observed subject. We can't get away from the surface of the controversy on the news. It's nice that we have someone who has the brightness and the empathy to dig beneath the headlines.
Thank you Ingrid.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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I didn't bother to read the writing prompt requirements. If the poem or prose doesn't move me on it's own merit, then it fails the major test. Your poem passes my test with its tough-minded, astutely observed subject. We can't get away from the surface of the controversy on the news. It's nice that we have someone who has the brightness and the empathy to dig beneath the headlines.
Thank you Ingrid.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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I've lived too close to the reality not to understand the flood of emotions. Thanks for the read and comments.
