Useless Prayers (haibun)
122 words29 total reviews
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Ingrid,
I ran by this last week and again was thoroughly impressed by your talent towards this style of writing.
Your memory scene painted a vivid picture of disillusion and your haiku was outstanding in a metaphorical context... so there was no way I was just going to say... "hey Ingrid, didn't have the stars to reward this, sorry" ... no, this was too damn good for that lame excuse... don't know if you won, or even if it has been judged yet... so, good luck... congratulations, I knew it would win... or bad luck, don't know how that one could have spiked yours... always, an admiring fan and friend.
With our thoughts we create,
the trap of delusional obligation,
James xx
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Hi Ingrid,
I ran by this last week and again was thoroughly impressed by your talent towards this style of writing.
Your memory scene painted a vivid picture of disillusion and your haiku was outstanding in a metaphorical context... so there was no way I was just going to say... "hey Ingrid, didn't have the stars to reward this, sorry" ... no, this was too damn good for that lame excuse... don't know if you won, or even if it has been judged yet... so, good luck... congratulations, I knew it would win... or bad luck, don't know how that one could have spiked yours... always, an admiring fan and friend.
With our thoughts we create,
the trap of delusional obligation,
James xx
Comment Written 21-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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I always feel better under starlight, but in answer to your question, I finished dead last, with only my vote tallied, despite getting very good reviews. I read the others and some that scored at the high end would have been slashed to smithereens on an editor's desk. Judging is always been subjective. C'est la vie.
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And that's why I don't enter... 'the friends club' got that similarity to what kept or still keeps Women down 'the boys club' hate clubs! xx
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There are many, many women in that club.
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Can I join? love Women's company. xx
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Yes, my sweet, you are already their darling, with a lot of gushing on the site about the Aussie stud muffin.
Comment from DALLAS01
Great job in adhering to rules and painting a vivid image of an moment in time that stretches beyond the parameters of just one event. The actions, and inner dialogue suggests long term abuse.
The haiku resounds like a powerful thud crushing the readers senses.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Great job in adhering to rules and painting a vivid image of an moment in time that stretches beyond the parameters of just one event. The actions, and inner dialogue suggests long term abuse.
The haiku resounds like a powerful thud crushing the readers senses.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much, but it finished last, garnering a single vote--mine.
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I'll be damned..
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
Spiritual, by the stated rules, you've stuck to the guidelines of Haiku poetry.
I think you've zeroed in on a persistent abuse in this allusion to spouse abuse.
In most ironic and descriptive terms, your depiction of diligent efforts to appease a tyrant husband are vivid.
Your submission (post) is the more impressive in that it uses so few words but conveys such deep meaning. Your words are skillful and carefully chosen.
Don
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Spiritual, by the stated rules, you've stuck to the guidelines of Haiku poetry.
I think you've zeroed in on a persistent abuse in this allusion to spouse abuse.
In most ironic and descriptive terms, your depiction of diligent efforts to appease a tyrant husband are vivid.
Your submission (post) is the more impressive in that it uses so few words but conveys such deep meaning. Your words are skillful and carefully chosen.
Don
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Yes, got many strong reviews, but except for me, no ne voted for my entry, and yet I really like this genre and feel that I have some strength in the form. thanks.
Comment from michaelcahill
This is so well written. I can't imagine what the voters are thinking or perhaps they aren't. It always worries me that I have the feeling that most of the people here don't have a clue about what is good or what isn't. That's true, isn't it? This is just chilling in its emotional impact and it depicts the abused wife resigning herself to this horrible existence. It does happen all the time. My wife in fact was in a relationship as bad as this. Thirty years later the effects are still evident. Well, a wonderful piece. The haiku is powerful. Wow. Great job. mikey
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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This is so well written. I can't imagine what the voters are thinking or perhaps they aren't. It always worries me that I have the feeling that most of the people here don't have a clue about what is good or what isn't. That's true, isn't it? This is just chilling in its emotional impact and it depicts the abused wife resigning herself to this horrible existence. It does happen all the time. My wife in fact was in a relationship as bad as this. Thirty years later the effects are still evident. Well, a wonderful piece. The haiku is powerful. Wow. Great job. mikey
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Enjoy the win. Thanks for the visit and kind words.
Comment from kiwisteveh
The haiku really delivers the horror punch to cap off this scary haibun - a strong entry for the contest, although I am cynical enough to think voters may elect something more positive.
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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The haiku really delivers the horror punch to cap off this scary haibun - a strong entry for the contest, although I am cynical enough to think voters may elect something more positive.
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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That's exactly what I needed, as I finished last. Thanks.
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It deserved better, though there were a number of strong contenders.
Hey, they laughed at Van Gogh!
Steve
Comment from honeytree
Very interesting to read.
Many of us within our world put up with cruel ways
from others and this shouldn't be.
I feel sorry for those who have cruel relationships.
honey tree
Very sad.
honey tree
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Very interesting to read.
Many of us within our world put up with cruel ways
from others and this shouldn't be.
I feel sorry for those who have cruel relationships.
honey tree
Very sad.
honey tree
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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I appreciate the words of encouragement. Thanks.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Spiritual Echo
Reading this makes me feel sick to the stomach. Graphic and so real. Not really any peace for a moment, even when he's not there. You evoke such a sense of hopelessness. A plea for salvation ... but for her there is none. Leave or stay .... often a lose lose anyway ... the soul can be so shattered it will never recover. A great piece to make the reader feel your character's pain and create awareness of this on-going crime. Do they still use 'obey' in marriage vows (just thinking 'out loud')????
Many years since emancipation and then burning of bras ... yet this issues remains and perhaps escalates. Strong word use. "Battered", "Dead dreams", "Frantic frenzy". "Slicing meat.", the foreboding "Keys rattle, " (this may have been more terse with a full stop), "synthetic smile".
A haunting haiku as your haiku moves beyond the prose, yet brings a connection to it. The feasting of a wild beast, "feral screams echo" .... a miserable life. Well done and wishing you the best of luck in the contest. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Hi Spiritual Echo
Reading this makes me feel sick to the stomach. Graphic and so real. Not really any peace for a moment, even when he's not there. You evoke such a sense of hopelessness. A plea for salvation ... but for her there is none. Leave or stay .... often a lose lose anyway ... the soul can be so shattered it will never recover. A great piece to make the reader feel your character's pain and create awareness of this on-going crime. Do they still use 'obey' in marriage vows (just thinking 'out loud')????
Many years since emancipation and then burning of bras ... yet this issues remains and perhaps escalates. Strong word use. "Battered", "Dead dreams", "Frantic frenzy". "Slicing meat.", the foreboding "Keys rattle, " (this may have been more terse with a full stop), "synthetic smile".
A haunting haiku as your haiku moves beyond the prose, yet brings a connection to it. The feasting of a wild beast, "feral screams echo" .... a miserable life. Well done and wishing you the best of luck in the contest. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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What a truly wonderful and heartfelt review. Thank you.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
Abuse needs to be discussed more. It's not talked about enough and now with the whole Ray Rice thing I hope it's just a wake up call. No one deserves this, ever! Great, great job
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Abuse needs to be discussed more. It's not talked about enough and now with the whole Ray Rice thing I hope it's just a wake up call. No one deserves this, ever! Great, great job
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Yes, there was a time that behind closed doors meant--nobody's business. Thank God times have changed.
Comment from judiverse
This is a sad story, especially as we've been hearing so much about domestic abuse lately. Trying to please maybe to avoid another beating. For most of these women, whatever they do it isn't enough or isn't done right to suit the man. The poor woman--to obey is the only choice she thinks she has left. Your Haiku is very compelling and really captures the mood. The return of the husband may be the end of her peace. I spend a lot of time cooking--but because I like to, not because I have to. judi
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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This is a sad story, especially as we've been hearing so much about domestic abuse lately. Trying to please maybe to avoid another beating. For most of these women, whatever they do it isn't enough or isn't done right to suit the man. The poor woman--to obey is the only choice she thinks she has left. Your Haiku is very compelling and really captures the mood. The return of the husband may be the end of her peace. I spend a lot of time cooking--but because I like to, not because I have to. judi
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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I appreciate the read and review. Thanks.
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You're welcome. My mother-in-law was subjected to a lot of verbal abuse. She desperately tried to please her husband to avoid that. judi
Comment from Charlene0513
To Spiritual Echo,
A ready -made marriage made in Hell. And with only her pride to keep her from falling into the abyss.
Alliteration noted: Frantic frenzy, Dead dreams.
Charlene
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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To Spiritual Echo,
A ready -made marriage made in Hell. And with only her pride to keep her from falling into the abyss.
Alliteration noted: Frantic frenzy, Dead dreams.
Charlene
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much for reading, noting and reviewing.
