MORNING HAS BROKEN
5-7-5 contest entry desert10 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
Hi jannypan
Just pipped at the post. I thought this would have been the winner. I managed to vote and not review any of the entries. It was a toss up for me with yours and the winner. Anyway you entered and did very well.
Presentation is stunning - what an image! Your poem stands alone without the picture. A strong visual also arousing the audial. A 'hush' in your first line, with the distinctive contrast of 'breaks' in the last. I love ".. night's black curtain" a strong image of complete darkness then again a contrast with "desert morning breaks" -light and bright. In compliance with the rules and the syllable count. I like your unforced rhyme with "permeates" and "breaks". "Drawn/desert" - a touch of alliteration, yet well within the rules. Great work. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Hi jannypan
Just pipped at the post. I thought this would have been the winner. I managed to vote and not review any of the entries. It was a toss up for me with yours and the winner. Anyway you entered and did very well.
Presentation is stunning - what an image! Your poem stands alone without the picture. A strong visual also arousing the audial. A 'hush' in your first line, with the distinctive contrast of 'breaks' in the last. I love ".. night's black curtain" a strong image of complete darkness then again a contrast with "desert morning breaks" -light and bright. In compliance with the rules and the syllable count. I like your unforced rhyme with "permeates" and "breaks". "Drawn/desert" - a touch of alliteration, yet well within the rules. Great work. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the review and support. I appreciate the 'extra' info, too. It helps me become a better writer.
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Well done. I really enjoyed your poem. and that dramatic presentation.
Comment from Judy Couch
I like this. The syllable count is accurate. The poem makes a clear statement that is easy to read and comprehend. The picture complements it well.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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I like this. The syllable count is accurate. The poem makes a clear statement that is easy to read and comprehend. The picture complements it well.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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I like it very much that you like my poem. Thank you for your time reviewing my poem. I appreciate it.
Comment from Domino 2
Though the rules forbid haiku, I found this to be very haiku-ish in presentation and possible satori.
That's not a criticism, as I found the imagery very entertaining.
Best wishes, Ray.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Though the rules forbid haiku, I found this to be very haiku-ish in presentation and possible satori.
That's not a criticism, as I found the imagery very entertaining.
Best wishes, Ray.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate it.
Comment from patcelaw
Very nice Haiku. Morning sunrises are wonderful in the desert and the photo captured the beauty as did your haiku, keep writing you are good.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Very nice Haiku. Morning sunrises are wonderful in the desert and the photo captured the beauty as did your haiku, keep writing you are good.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from James Dooney
Very nice piece of work you have given to us here. I even saw the title of this work as my wind has broken - hey it happens in the morning yeh !?
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Very nice piece of work you have given to us here. I even saw the title of this work as my wind has broken - hey it happens in the morning yeh !?
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you. I appreciate your time.
Comment from Dawny53
This is a really great entry, the reader feels as if they are in the desert actually taking place in the mornings coming. You wrote it well, good luck to you in this contest
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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This is a really great entry, the reader feels as if they are in the desert actually taking place in the mornings coming. You wrote it well, good luck to you in this contest
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.
Comment from RodG
This 5-7-5 paints a striking picture (even without the beautiful painting you paired it with). It's easy to visualize dawn on the desert. I like especially how you emphasize the SILENCE that "permeates" the scene.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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This 5-7-5 paints a striking picture (even without the beautiful painting you paired it with). It's easy to visualize dawn on the desert. I like especially how you emphasize the SILENCE that "permeates" the scene.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate your time.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
Beautiful photo, perfect for pairing with your nice poem giving great imagery.
Nice presentation. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*<*)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Hi,
Beautiful photo, perfect for pairing with your nice poem giving great imagery.
Nice presentation. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*<*)
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much.
Comment from w.j.debi
It does seem like the desert is most quiet just before dawn. All the night life is settling in for the day and the day creatures hang on to just a few more winks of sleep. A beautiful presentation with a stunning picture to complement your verse. I like your choice of strong descriptive verbs: permeates, drawn, breaks. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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It does seem like the desert is most quiet just before dawn. All the night life is settling in for the day and the day creatures hang on to just a few more winks of sleep. A beautiful presentation with a stunning picture to complement your verse. I like your choice of strong descriptive verbs: permeates, drawn, breaks. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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I appreciate your time in reviewing my poem. Thank you.
Comment from DSMalott
Very good.
This is how I picture a Haiku being written. Succinct wording with lots of visual display. With so few syllables to use, one must make the words count. You did this well.
Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Very good.
This is how I picture a Haiku being written. Succinct wording with lots of visual display. With so few syllables to use, one must make the words count. You did this well.
Well done.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
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Thank you. I appreciate it.
