Comment from marijmd

Excellent

Good and believable dialog

I like the conflict with the boyfriend - some relationships just end - but we hold onto them longer than needed.


I would consider deleting this description as you just addressed her with this in the line above just say "she
that (my roommate and good friend) was referring to.

He was tall, with brownish hair shaved into a high and tight and light eyes _ I think there are some words missing in this sentence

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014

Thank you for reading and commenting!I appreciate you checking out my work, too! =) I'm going to take a look at that grammar stuff now.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

offered to keep me company, - I would use a period there
you set the stage well
excellent use of natural-sounding dialogue
an New York University student - a New York
good description of the guy in uniform
So, I said, pulling - I added the second comma
it's thursday - Thursday
Love you, girl - add comma for direct address
Brooke

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful comment! I looked over the errors you pointed out and fixed them. Thanks again!

Comment from Pyrrho

Excellent

Prose, both narrative and dialog, are excellent and the tale moves along with excellent pace. The slight intrigue and obvious future encounter is well done.

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 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014

Thank you for reading and commenting! I'm so happy you felt the story caught your attention!

Comment from masseypayton

Good

There are a few error in this story. First off Thursday should be capitalized. Second the text messages look too much like sentences. I mean, who spells out you when they are texting when they can just type u? Besides that the story is great.

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 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014

Thanks for reading and commenting! It's funny - I actually text the way I wrote here. It's a personal pet peeve of mine when people don't spell out their words while texting, and I feel like nowadays most people do spell everything out due to autocorrect most smart phones have. However, I actually like the idea of Tyler texting the way you described, as I think it fits his character. Thanks again!